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The Ornery P.S.A.
a philosophical-ish
Blog

 

It should not take a head injury
*after personally sustaining a head injury & coma*
to figure this out...

 
 
 
 
 
 


After a Drill Sergeant threw Me into the metal part of the bunk when I was in Basic Training for the United States of America's Army branch at Fort Sill Oklahoma #FortSill #FortSillOK #FortSillOklahoma #OK #Oklahoma in the year of 2000 on Psalm Sunday, I have dealt with the situations as best as I have been capable to do so while taking care of the situations and asking for assistance as per the required explanations of the information to such facts first.  While making the attempts to get assistance for the aspects thereof as to the reality, the aspects of where and when as to the multiple attempts to ask for assistance for me.  As my journal blog for when I was ready to bring such as to my other works forward since as to the lengths of time as to where my modeling was as to the modeling page information, just as the other pages have the information as to such specifics, and just as this journal blog of mine is as to such facts.


If I had real friends (if as to having met in person face to face in person in real life as to the aspects of this particular reference such as from the state of Texas as to the state of Washington as to the years of 2000 through 2013 if I met within the state of Texas for such references), real (the areas of the tristate region as before the year of 2000) family, and real relationships in real life that recognized me as to the aspects of if as to the face to face in person who started in truth as I had started such in truth as to the after effects from my Psalm Sunday 2000 head injury, as well as the subarachnoid hemorrhage in the frontal lobe of my brain that took 8.5 years to dissipate; then I guesstimate there would be the easier factors as to being capable for me to speak with others in truth in person face to face in person and/or through online measures as to such factors I suppose.  Though would such as to the knowledge of the ways as to how they began such discussions with me as to would there be such a situation, for them to consider as to such if factors as to such discussions with me in truth?


As to some suggestions and commentary within "Finding A Silver Lining" one of several of my bo0ks I personally authored/wrote/compiled as I can only speak and write in truth as per such clarifications as to the reality as to the specifics of such discussions/writings/videos as per my Official You Tube where I have satirical commentary where I comment about the factors as to having dealt with others' opinions about their pop culture references of #NJ #NJstate #NewJersey #NewJerseystate New Jersey, though as to for the most part I have actually preferred to be asked with politeness if as to having read my books and/or seen my website as just the same in reference to the timeframes when I was modeling as to having respect as to what I consider as respect, referencing if as to such polite manners as to discussions if as to such having been noticed because of the factors in my opinion as to having real discussions as communication would be if my website was seen before the year of 2023 as I first began my website in 2015; as in my journal blog posts as to the reality of the years of 2010 through 2013, as to the aspects of introductions as to those timeframes when as to various factors as I did not take selfies as I was actually working with photographers as to my creations of my outfits as per the description on the link to my modeling page(s) as to the references regarding my journal blog updates in the years of 2019 through 2022 as the timeframe onward as to the year of 2023 as to the factors as to how such journal blog entries will be as to such factors as to the aspects of the various topic points.


Go read through the multiple journal blogs on my website after finishing scrolling to get to the journal blog area, now!

Share the links of my journal blog, too!




 I was born and raised in New Jersey and grew up going throughout the tristate northeast areas mainly, and as to how the reality of when the importance of the situations as to the aspects of reviewing as to such facts regarding the logistics for several factors as to the considerations; the years of 2019 through 2022 as to the review process as to the aspects of the timeframe, prior to the timeframe of the 20 year memorial of 11 September 2001 also known as 9/11 as well as before the 30 year memorial of February 1993, as to the northeast areas mostly known as to New York City #NYC #NewYork #NY #NYstate #NYU though also as to the #Pentagon Pentagon, as well as Pennsylvania #Pennstate #Pennsylvaniastate as to the reality of how many New Jersey-ians commute in either direction, depending upon what location for the commute. 


The factors though I have said at times, I re-re-re-re-re-re-grew up in the state of  #Texas #TX #Texasstate Texas as to such factors as to the timeframes, as well as all 26 of my SCUBA #SCUBA #SCUBADiving  Diving certifications I earned were through one school within the state of Texas as I also earned winning first place in a Texas Chili cookoff with more than 20 entries as well as my chili recipe as I am adamant about my recipes as to such aspects just as I am specific as to what it actually takes for me to cook in a BBQ as to the required preparations for when I have BBQed.   



I can sarcastically write, those who know of the Rules of the BBQ as to where I grew up as to the Rules of the BBQ as to such factors to the considerations of such preparations.  However that is to cooking food as to the differences of my journal blog entries, as to the factors as to proverbial aspects of food for thought as the difference of real food in real life as to the facts of the situations to such attention to the details as well as attention to the information.


Such facts as to the metaphors in some of such factors that only after reviewing such information as to the aspects of the fiction book series that were as to for My personal life as to such dreamland sorts of factors as to the differences of such hypotheticals, the references thereof as to such regards as to the logistical emotional with the real situations as per the names I was informed of at the timeframes referenced review as to My journal blog as to the situations overall.  


If as to my journal blog being found and read as to where what I consider as common sense, as to the aspects of my satirical saying   how it should not take a head injury to figure out. 
 

*(sometimes utilizing articles discussing facts)*
By:  (Reverend) Susan MeeLing
also known as

The One & Only


(YouTube)   Lady Dori Belle


 

Business Card.jpg

REMEMBER:

After the head injury caused a coma while I learned how to deal with the headaches, migraines, cognitive disorders, memory problems, and other medical conditions I went from College Algebra with Trigonometry & Calculus down to 2nd grade math.  Here is how logic works for someone like me::

~  It took awhile for the doctor's recommendation to use sticky notes, to help remember.

~  It took several months to realize sticky notes moved, let alone to remember to speak with the doctor.

~  After I finally remembered to ask the doctor about the note problem, notebooks were recommended.

~  When I could remember to pick up a notebook, it took a long time to learn similar to sticky notes, notebooks are not always where they were placed.

~  After I was able to organize the notebooks over several months I still had not learned notebooks are not always readily available, at the necessary time.

~  When I remembered to speak with the doctor about the notebook problem the doctor had few other suggestions, to assist memories better.

~  After several events and adding up sticky note and notebook location problems, I realized my skin goes everywhere I do.

~  Wanting my tattoos to only be for me and not for public consumption I started the ink on my legs, able to hide easier.

~  It would not be until many tattoos and several years later I would realize my memory problems were usually not as bad when wearing shorts, capri pants, or a skirt.

~  Between 3-5 years after my first tattoo I had the first tattoo completed on my arms, and my memory has slowly progressed towards an easier memory jolt.

 

 

When I say "it should not take a head injury to figure this out" it is partially in humor from personal experiences, towards understanding.

 

If I can laugh at my mistakes after recognizing and dealing with them, so can you.

 

You have the knowledge, understanding, and wisdom I lack in order to put everything together to fix the problems seen with abilities I do not have. 

Utilize the information within the blog to find genuine repairs and instead of complaining of the "hurtful" commentary, prevent the issues from reoccurring.

Then again, it should not take a head injury to figure that one out.

Do make sure to link my journal blog entry articles to yours if you refer to my works for any of your research in the slightest, for proper credit. 

 

Thank you, in advance.

REMEMBER:

After the head injury caused a coma while I learned how to deal with the headaches, migraines, cognitive disorders, memory problems, and other medical conditions I went from College Algebra with Trigonometry & Calculus down to 2nd grade math.  Here is how logic works for someone like me::

~  It took awhile for the doctor's recommendation to use sticky notes, to help remember.

~  It took several months to realize sticky notes moved, let alone to remember to speak with the doctor.

~  After I finally remembered to ask the doctor about the note problem, notebooks were recommended.

~  When I could remember to pick up a notebook, it took a long time to learn similar to sticky notes, notebooks are not always where they were placed.

~  After I was able to organize the notebooks over several months I still had not learned notebooks are not always readily available, at the necessary time.

~  When I remembered to speak with the doctor about the notebook problem the doctor had few other suggestions, to assist memories better.

~  After several events and adding up sticky note and notebook location problems, I realized my skin goes everywhere I do.

~  Wanting my tattoos to only be for me and not for public consumption I started the ink on my legs, able to hide easier.

~  It would not be until many tattoos and several years later I would realize my memory problems were usually not as bad when wearing shorts, capri pants, or a skirt.

~  Between 3-5 years after my first tattoo I had the first tattoo completed on my arms, and my memory has slowly progressed towards an easier memory jolt.

 

 

When I say "it should not take a head injury to figure this out" it is partially in humor from personal experiences, towards understanding.

 

If I can laugh at my mistakes after recognizing and dealing with them, so can you.

 

You have the knowledge, understanding, and wisdom I lack in order to put everything together to fix the problems seen with abilities I do not have. 

Utilize the information within the blog to find genuine repairs and instead of complaining of the "hurtful" commentary, prevent the issues from reoccurring.

Then again, it should not take a head injury to figure that one out.

Do make sure to link my journal blog entry articles to yours if you refer to my works for any of your research in the slightest, for proper credit. 

 

Thank you, in advance.

Remember, since I was either six or seven years old I have been giving warnings as to the best of my ability as to the visions I had which began when I was in second grade of Elementary school.  The first warning I gave officially as to my nightmare vision compared to my dream vision was in the year of 1988 or 1989, compared to the online writings and my books as well as my journal blog entries year timeline for the information.


If anyone is upset please direct your upset towards those who had made the choices to constantly needlessly block my warnings and/or try to explain otherwise as to their trying to curb their responsibilities, in comparison to the responsible and respectful choices as best as I could possibly do so as a child starting as to such information at the age of when I was six in 1988 or seven years old in 1989.


I made every attempt to inform as best as I possibly could, though hopefully the clarifications throughout my various books and writings as well as journal blog entries compared to the amount of people in multiple areas which I had spoken with about in person from the years of 1988 or 1989 through to 2012 more continuously before 2013. 


In the year of 2019 is when I began reviewing such details and onward through the years since 2019 more officially, however I made the attempts to give the warnings and what others' choices have been as to whatever proof thereof to who you should be speaking with as to what they told you in comparison as to the upset and anger with in comparison.


How many assistances I have made attempt towards betterment as to the clarifications from the year of 1988 or 1989 onward did it truly have to take for each to genuinely pay attention, as I have been making the best attempts to assist for the best possibilities how?

Days 4, 5, & 6 of Bonus Round of Thanks Part: 1




Part #1 of 2 Parts




Beginning with the three day portion of the bonus round for days of thanks prior to getting ready for what I need t get squared away for myself personally, for several aspects in the upcoming months. The portions to which such aspects regarding a multitude of situations to properly get the needed awareness as well as begin to work on in other avenues because of the safety requirements, is ideal for such because of several additional factors. My personal requirement for a bit of a time of relaxation while still maintaining the different types of work to begin while also working on other portions to bring forward a better way for what I hope is for more regarding the specifics of finishing several pieces of my Medal of Honor Art Project is needed and the ideal location for such work to continue onward is where it is to be able to progress forward as to several other aspects, I believe is more ideal than what might come across as a simpler path as to go straight to one location in comparison to what I can see would be more beneficial which still assists such in a multitude of ways which I cannot explain in words though I know such to be true.


In reference to the spiritual marriages to my dead-ex-husband which arranged in such agreements during such times, I can thankfully say and write the contract to which was intended for fulfillment regarding those who had spiritually married themselves to him was not to continue on his path for what he had done to me as what he once was, though to fix and repair all of the mistakes he made when he was alive so I and my son and my daughter did not go through what we had gone through when he was alive. Everything he did to cause problems when alive, was to be fixed and repaired in ways which were caring and loving; in comparison to ever making it where we went through anything remotely close to what we went through when he was alive, as per his contract to haunt until all who had spiritually married him did everything which was mandatory to repair what he caused problems for in each and every way. Thus all of the physical abuse was to be stopped in any way he had done so which I had to defend myself while defending my daughter and defending my son, because of how much I had to fight constantly to keep us safe; that was and is a part of his permanent contract, which for those who had caused problems who had spiritually married him had accepted when they had done such to cause problems for us needlessly. The emotional abuse that was done when he was alive meant when he was spiritually married to others that meant they would have to do everything which he did not do correctly, which means the telling of the truth for the betterment of in comparison to what has been done. The mental abuse was and is supposed to be ceased because of the way he was accepting of his contract to fix and repair correctly all of the needless problems he caused for myself, my son, and my daughter. The sexual abuse I dealt with whether the rapes and/or the refusal to do actually do what was needed to actually correctly do to please me which meant being faithful to me, being devoted to me, being loving to me, doing what was needed for me to feel the way of such as per my comfort levels; because of what occurred from the beginning of the situation all the way through, which in turn would mean those who spiritually married him would be designated to ensure what I needed was as such in comparison to what others wish for. The spiritual abuse which would be anything which would get in my way from what I needed to do for my own work and my own studies would be designated for those who had spiritually married him to actually care about what I personally cared about regarding such in honest truth to which if you felt positively moved by my works from my Medal of Honor Art Project, then you would have had the first inclination as to what the spiritual marriage actually was compared to assumptions; because of how much he hated the fact I was spiritual and religious in comparison to how he purposefully messed with other people who too had been spiritual and/or religious. Thus the spiritual marriage contract he accepted also was to be caring and concerning of all because of his hatred of the LGBTQP communities, and that was his punishment for what he did to those in the Gay community specifically to ensure that situation did not ever occur again to anyone in the LGBTQP community. I dealt with what I dealt with because of what I knew was best and what I knew was needed while understanding the process of which to get such to be paid attention to the correct way, was not going to be an easy task though the situations were as the situations were during such times as all such problems had occurred. As I had written about the ritual he did, the ritual I did, the ritual which was the breaking point for such to occur regarding the living room for all such problems to be taken care of correctly through my design fully to shatter into pieces of the once thought acceptable mentality to be able to transform the world to a better place compared to what had been going on as per what was done to in order to create what I saw was better and best as I knew I was not the only one who needed such help and healing.


Thus because the two parts he hated the most about what I cared about has been able to more forward in more positively beneficial directions in regards of the LGBTQP community which yes I wrote they would hate me, though the thin line between love and hate. Unlike my now dead-ex-husband I refused to speak as to their specifics because of the knowledge they needed to speak for themselves because of what in their prior times had been as such, and thus anyone who knows anything about psychology knows the 5 stages of grief in a multitude of orders; which in turn would mean when they realized such they would fight against, be angry, be resentful, deny the truth, and then accept the truth as such because the realization of the truth always having been the most important reality for the actual reality of real life. In turn people within the LGBTQP communities would hate the fact I would only defend them though appreciate such while also hating the fact I would not speak for them because they needed to feel the love themselves of themselves to accept themselves knowing the fact I had acknowledged aspects thereof, though the making of them to be able to find their own voice to be able to on their own find truthful love and happiness in comparison to what had gone on needlessly before. Maybe there are some in the LGBTQP community who can say they hated reading such words from me though loved such though hated such, however what better gift to give people who had their voices stolen needlessly and wrongly just the same as their designs and etcetera regarding such aspects to ensure the same problems which once was such as overstepping bounds did not occur just because of the power allowed because of the levels of needing to protect children and teenager health and well being as did anyone think about such when initially reading or hearing me speak? I had said if it ever gets to the point where the situations start going in reverse for the LGBTQP community where they began starting to overreach by experimenting on adopted or foster care children for such in comparison to waiting until the biological age to prevent the reduction of reproduction abilities for each biological gender, then is only when I would step forward to make such awareness known as to the importances of more than just the physical reproduction as the chemicals which are naturally produced within the brain as well as the rest of the body do not get to fully form until the time after they are 18 biological years old though are fully more formed at the age of 21 biological years old. I had remained in the background up until such portions, as such in my timeline would be able to show proof thereof my prior words when speaking and/or writing, though not all writings ever went online because of the requirements for myself and my own works being acknowledged correctly. In such admittedly was my thoughts and opinions though at the same time, I had said a similar set of intentions in words regarding technology individuals which possibly for such a particular group of unique people which have an array of experiences which can and has done much to explain to many more of the actual work it has been over the course of time to simply be accepted as themselves as themselves though in proper ways to which are considered as acceptable through moral and ethical standards while also bringing forward to the light of what can be achieved if worked diligently for such as the balance required to maintain such and sustain such is not for the faint of heart.


Thus in such for each and every individual one of each and all aspects to which I had wrongly been denied, the spiritual marriage to my dead-ex-husband was to fix and repair all damages done from the moment of the first meeting and then onward in comparison to all of his mistakes he had made to be taken care of properly. His apology was for each individual thing he had done to me which he had known was wrong from the beginning of the first discussion though he listened to his sister Mary instead of paying attention to his own conscious was to destroy everything Mary was against as well as make good on all that he had ever done to my son, my daughter, and I. He knew he was in the wrong each time and as per how much he loved the song by Blue October was to show in the song Hate Me as to what the balancing was because he saw me do so with others and saw how I would use music to point out specifics, which he had not ever thought was intelligent until he saw me do so for a female years before his death. Upon just before the first separation he watched and then saw the transformation for the positive for a few females I spoke with, which the music was ideal to assist a better view in shorter words to then research more for themselves to strengthen themselves in the positive way. What have I said and written about the differences between feminism and feminazi? Thus the same regarding making sure the balance actually occurred regarding the aspects of what is acknowledged and then proven for the equality truthfully, because of his hatred of females and thoughts they would not ever be good enough or strong enough or smart enough to ever achieve anything worthwhile. I dealt with the conversations to prove such otherwise and thus such a spiritual marriage and not the actual legal marriage as now more accepted for both the spiritual and legal marriage to others, in comparison to what once was for far too long; which in turn the reverse time portions of when in regards of the LGBTQP history which the lesbians ran to help the gays during the 1980s and 1990s though were not taken as seriously; yet later would and have worked with such aspects and moved forward from the times when it was just viewed as sexy compared to paying attention to the actual needs of such, as time has proven my accuracy. Before the final separation the song lyrics I will post will give what discussions he and I had before the final separation though the contract having already been signed years before, to which the song lyrics might actually make sense more correctly for some instead of the assumptions. As the times when there were discussions at all in comparison to conversations were only because after he had the conversational aspects and calmed down enough to actually pay attention to the fact I had always been correct and each time he fought against such he knew only would strengthen the bonds to which the contract he signed and he agreed to, was always to be for eternity because he knew each choice he made to cause such problems needlessly for myself and my son and my daughter though all the people before he had done so to as well as up to such a point in time back then before his death for that aspect thereof the spiritual marriage because of. Admittedly I thought my books regarding FSL, CCBS, and Fail-Safe were the more important aspects to review such aspects more with a way which simply could assist more than just one or two people however only of PotL would Book #2 ever be considered as acceptable for such an overall because of the other regards in such books which are not meant for children or teenagers biologically under the age of 18 or 21 years old in my opinion and belief which I think and hope others would agree as well however other such aspects are as they are. There are reasons why such a series was not given to my son #Letters4James and/or my daughter #Letters4Lidia when they were close enough in age to actually give, as per how in my opinion such would be more difficult for such as per the intimacy aspects which are not intended for the aspects of biological family though changing such names also demeans and lowers the amount of work I personally put into such and thus is the problem I can tell has been what would be not any different than what had been done regarding my thesis proposal because I could only write in truth unless specifically designated in a fictional setting of writing; thus in turn such a way as such would instantly reignite such a situation which the contract as there are those who know and understand such portions, for such aspects thereof to ensure whatever was done before would not be repeated as per having already discussed and put into writing had occurred. If you have been informed as to the reality thereof, why would anyone ever think to repeat such patterns of behaviour realistically? If done the ways of in regards as a slight, then there is the realistic portions regarding the facts of that contract to correct all situations and to right all wrongs such as would be in such a contract. Additionally my modesty had been a situation while also my clothing when in what I felt comfortable in was a problem for him at such times as well, which in turn such ratifications would be a situation as to which would be required for such a fix and repair of multitudes as per such a contract.


Thus referencing the how you chose if had to go to the marker of my now dead-ex-husband in respect, how was the respect? Was it to respect or check to see the marker and validity of even though you read the words of my FSL books and did not remember to pay attention to the Bronze Star return to the Army, though in regards of the secondary one not having been returned via my hands to the Army the way it should have been done; and if so and was upset because of seeing the stolen valor Bronze Star marker, what was your true intention to go forth with such and how does that actually get fixed and repaired now that such has been repaired for the paperwork to remove the marker in full to replace with the stone which in 2019 I had driven my car to the DFW cemetery to complete the paperwork in the back office area of the cemetery to speak with the female in the office on the right when entering to take care of the proper paperwork to remove the portions of the Bronze Star from that marker which while I have not gone back to check on the marker itself to see such in person; I have had the intentions to when getting to the point thereof, which when such occurs it will be as it will be. If the state of Texas refused such and/or the VA to adhere to the one and only Executrix' command, then such shows the level of which females regarding the veterans administration and such biases which had already been discussed and written about to be the same as they were before in such an area in my opinion; though I truly hope for the better, in comparison to what I have seen up to such points in multiple regards. For example if some went to that location after being direct ordered to not go, there are the Book of Revelations which brings forward such aspects in full and any who would do a rubbing of such a marker would then complete their own spiritual marriage in a different way because of the fact of being told specifically not to do so. If I tell you no, it is for your safety and not for anything except such in comparison to how others think they know better and wish they knew more though were arrogant to simply not ask and thus would get no answers for such in return as per requirements. Could because of such Executrix powers of and only for me alone because of the specific timing be the situation of which some who have had problems with females being in a control aspect thereof only as one who was allowed because specifically of being alive during the date of his death and thus no other would ever legally be allowed such for any cause ever, and would be denied thereafter if such a try would be made because of the only Executrix being myself and none other which such a choice would mean irreconcilable differences to which the agreeing to disagree would be the only peaceful way thereof and any such furthered tries would lead to destruction of proportions of which were not ever seen before and would be the situation which the Book of Revelations warned of as well as the problems when females who do not and had not ever had such rights think in the mandarin way as to the sloth and the envy of which the greed would be problematic and then the removal of such in a fuller aspect completely because of whoever would have influenced such needlessly? What would be the cost for such that would be considered worth destroying everything the way he had wanted to when he was alive for such who would be arrogant enough, hypothetically such as my ex-in-laws sleeping with someone thinking the honey pot would be worth the longest terms of to then swiftly need to get in gear to fix and repair instantly as per such falling for a honey trap in such a way hypothetically? How could that impact the underground areas within a several hundred mile radius, and how could the aspects of certain explosions in a northern area above Texas have anything to do with such in a metaphorical way hypothetically as a coinky dink of course?


Again the contract which no one asked about and only assumed I suppose, would be arrogantly thought of in ways which the individuals would wish to be able to subvert such though would only re-enforce with each individual choice which was specifically done against me and me alone because of the contract itself being only with me; their spiritual marriage to my dead-ex-husband would be furthered as to his fury and rage as to how he had made a guarantee, and he knew it would take whatever it took to get such done correctly to make amends at each chance possible which one could joke about the saying of "If you bless those of the Jewish Nation I shall bless you" have anything to do with such a contract? Though admittedly in a different way as per which blessings would you prefer, regarding such? I am the life and thus the opposite would be in as swift of a way would be, actually as.


(If you're sleeping are you dreaming

If you're dreaming are you dreaming of me?

I can't believe you actually picked me.)

My now dead-ex-husband was excited when realizing that he would actually be allowed to be involved with something I religiously and spiritually believed as he wanted to try to prove me wrong though started learning how accurate I had always been about such being beneficial and helpful, as he made a bet with the wager of more than what he could pay at such times; though he admitted he was worth more dead than alive, whereas I am worth more alive than anything else in all truth and honesty. He would be excited as all get out to see people who would want him to be alive more than I and thus as he had been as a child and a teenager when growing up in Fort Worth Texas after growing up partially in Fort Polk Louisiana would in turn mean the portions which he would have some knowledge of to a small degree, would in turn mean the aspects of such a permanency would be able to be seen as per a conversation between he and I in the months of June through August 2005; which however some might wish for the ironic twist to not be true, I suppose there are individuals who can agree as to the realities thereof such a conversation I dealt with while healing as best as I could during such times into the month of September 2005. The first ritual of such portion of the contract began in 2003 in the month of March as was a situation regarding at the end of the month as to what occurred, and shortly thereafter such a situation which was as it was began such the portions of contractual aspects regarding such in a way which the debts he would owe me would be the debts he would owe me. It was not a forced agreement as per how I was targeted and taken off of the JBSA post after only being awake from the coma after my Psalm Sunday 2000 head injury for less than 3 months, prior to finding an apartment to move into which I liked the name of Lincoln Green apartments though he was happy there was a friend he knew lived there which he told the apartment complex leasing office of though how such a process worked then is not known to me. Thus while some might wish they could use the biological age, the fact of the Center for the Intrepid being built and the Warrior Transition Unit being renamed from Medical Hold Unit over to be closer to the BAMC/SAMC area means the situations which IG, EO, CID, and more found from the short time I had been at Medical Hold Unit were a bit more prevalent despite what some have told me their wishes were to my face when discussing such at various times.


At a time in 2003 or 2004 which after when the missionaries who I spoke with arrived and spoke with me and learning what he had done officially to them was discussed as to why I viewed and view the Judeo-Christian aspects as important because he knew nothing of the Jewish aspects until I made the appointments for the classes with the Jewish Community Center as each of the people in the San Antonio Jewish Community Center would be able to know and see as per the emails as well as the discussions during classes as to who was actually paying attention within the classes as well as who actually spoke with in comparison to simply sitting there and waiting for the class to be over. I dealt with what I dealt with especially horrifically each day before the class, the evening of the class, and the day after the class because of how he hated seeing the symbols in comparison to seeing more of what the meanings were behind something such as the Star of David; which was only repeated as to how he treated his sister's husband David for multiple aspects when he was younger and such times, which I told him he was going to fix and repair without questions and would accept my terms and ignore such other terms no matter what he thought was accurate because of the requirements thereof as such choices regarding each choice being a choice which is supposed to be of free will in comparison to being forced and/or manipulated meant of each own free will I had chosen to not go into detail because of knowing as to how there are certain individuals within certain groups which have tended to go past a certain level of respect for the individual aspects of which the events of 11 September 2001 had been known about certain portions thereof though the larger aspects were not as well known because of the amount of communications around the world being as they were in the beginning stages of development in larger ways and across more areas to more people.


When I learned of how he had treated the missionaries and told them lies about how he knew things, those discussion points were only because of discussions with me before and/or after conversations. Each portion discussed with the missionaries when I spoke with them where the male did not want to believe how any other male would ever lie to him because of being a male and the equivalent of the bro-code, I had explained to him of how I could speak of any topic without the readings thereof because of how I had always been and how I personally am. I told the missionaries as to how I showed my now dead-ex-husband as to which books, proverbs, metaphors, and etcetera though he was only able to give responses regarding prior words he read compared to the words I knew and understood to comprehend to speak with and in truth. When asked questions and/or tested regarding my personal knowledge, understanding, and comprehension of such materials the male missionary pointed to his bible because of the discussionary points I had given at such times not making sense to him and only when he pointed to such words, was I able to continue onward about portions which were not in the bible though because of a reference point on the pages was able to fully explain better; to which when others point to references, how quickly have I been able to go in more details about such you did not realize I knew anything about? I think such aspects prove such repeatedly, however as such has gone and the fact of having to get to the point where I have to write more despite preferring what I prefer in conjunction to going outside as well as writing in comparison; only additionally prove such points because one of his problems was because of my research for my breast cancer project and his refusal to acknowledge such and give the credit where I earned such, part of which meant the spiritual marriage to him would be the mandatory fixing and repairing of all such damages done needlessly because of his egotism. He promised and he knew he would keep such a promise as per the specific type of rituals completed in the astrological timings with the zodiac houses and the solar alignments within the Galaxy of the Milky Way aligned with other areas throughout the universe fully. In such a guarantee to me he would do everything required to make sure no other person ever did such to me ever again and if they had or would, they would be made to have to go in the directions I chose though would be through their own free will as per my personal demands as I refused to take away such free will. If others would choose to choose as they would choose, then such would be as such would be as per the assistances from my Big Blood Brother and other portions thereof.


I thought the best gift to human beings was to give them room to grow while leading quietly with suggestions to ensure if there was a need for my help, there would be the available options for which would be seen of their own free will and would be as to the design I knew was best for more in comparison regarding human beings. Knowing of different aspects regarding technology unlike the other aspects, I knew that people were working on technology programming and aspects thereof to which the human race would be put into danger if they did not have a proper moral compass to which science/technology cannot survive without human beings and human beings then and onward could not survive without science/technology. I knew if technology did not have a proper guide to illuminate the path more clearly though also assist human beings to work with technology in more positive ways in comparison to what I had explained as to the laptop fire when sending healing energy, the need for such aspects for safety of all would be lost needlessly. How many in technology have had the biggest of hearts and yet when seeing such for hours and weeks and days and months and years on end as to such situations, have simply needed to know that there actually has been someone who may not have been thought of or seen though would be able to know and see in a different way as to such aspects of the heart when seeing portions within different sectors; and needing the ways to look differently at the world as well, because of not knowing how much personal situations have impacted, and the ways which seeing such could needlessly trigger the wrong responses to be able to find a better way for the correct responses as per the known aspects of clips taking certain aspects out of proportion and/or the overreaction to such clips without the fuller context? I knew of such regarding more before my Psalm Sunday 2000 head injury, though afterwards the words were just as difficult compared to because of the after effects compared to simply being a child and teenager. That male missionary was informed as to the requirement for people to be able to think for themselves as they know their own backgrounds, as well as they know what triggers them needlessly, and they needed to have a way which was for a better path for themselves as well as others compared to how some thought they knew better though without the written words would be more confused in comparison to because of how many preferred other forms of life compared to actually living as living was always the intention and anything except would not be living by my standards.


The individual spent hours with me in the front porch stairs area of my house as he said he did not want to go inside when I asked him and the female missionary, as when telling of my Psalm Sunday 2000 head injury after effects she had taken a few steps backwards seeing a different aspect while listening to me speak with the male seeing a different portion of such discussions. The male continued to tell me what he knew from what he had been told by my dead-ex-husband which I asked him about if he was so certain of such truths; why would I be able to speak with him without bringing books to the door to show him other aspects, in comparison to simply speaking with him and not needing such additional books because of already having the knowledge from well before and only the words in comparison assisted in reference to knowing and understanding and comprehending such actual texts in which ways were intended as per each book having their own meaning and portions thereof, though for each person would depend as to what aspects would be brought out for which purposes for the ways of which some would think would mean in one way though for myself would be completely only upon what I knew was needed to give understanding to be able to take the comprehension I have for the betterment if and only if I was sought out in comparison to being pushed or forced as per the fixing and repairing. The male missionary said he did not think females had the ability for such which I informed him it is the feminine qualities, not the biological female which can do such. He did not like my words and began getting flustered and sweating more profusely while refusing to go inside where the air conditioning was, though remaining close to the door of my house.


The female missionary was calm and cool without the need for the air conditioning while the male's white button down shirt became wet from the sweat more and more as he wiped the sweat from his brow while trying to tell me what he knew from 2nd Corinthians; which I told him was accurate though he needed to be careful of those who would take such words from such times and not think of the modern concept behind such words, and would need such further explanations as to how and who was actually charged and with what to do which portions and why for the best ideal protections required for more as the Messiah would only choose who would be thought to be the strongest with the most amount of potential to step forward in ways which to bring forward the best words from their own voice from their own experiences to bring the light of which was necessary for more clear understanding from their knowledge which I would not be able to do in a truthful way because of the experiences required personally to give such an explanation in a clearer way with wording for more to know and with already having dealt with as much as I had already just at that point in time; there being the requirement for those who had already had experiences compared to the time, to be able to take such experiences instead of newer ones for others to be able to save them from such situations as learning from the past to not repeat the short history to be able to move forward with more in a more positive and respected way while actually having protection of real aspects which were not always thought of or always seen as much or as highly by some. While in their own writings Jesuits discuss how they would harm their own brother just to advance the causes which in turn what loyalties are there in such regards truthfully though also in such if considered at once a brother regarding the aspects thereof to my now dead-ex-husband, then such should be far more simplistic than some might have thought for such a group if such had learned of my Medal of Honor Art Project regarding the aspects thereof.


The male missionary pointed to 2nd Corinthians repeatedly saying the charge to others in such a chapter and verse, which I warned him about how some misread words as well as the mental health and well being aspects required for such clearer understanding from such knowledge because the mental health and well being was required for the better ways to know and understand because of the words not necessarily only being enough for some as their minds are/were needing more portions of the information in ways which they could better understand from such knowledge in ways to find a better path for themselves and others because of the strength of will needed to survive even if each available option was already given to them; sometimes the mental health and well being takes the portion of when knowing when to take a step back to reassess the situations, to be able to actually move forward instead of assuming the same way regarding clips and such in reference to the technological portions. Is it not ironic about 2nd Corinthians, and the 2nd Amendment as to other views of such for a metaphor which I have been known for metaphors in different ways to be able to get the thought process to move in a way which is of free will compared to what automatic responses have been in such regards? How could such be the exact aspects already haven spoken of and written of regarding the spiritual marriage to my now dead-ex-husband regarding the fixing and repairing of such situations, if there are those who wish to try to go against the requirements?


Thus how many have dreamt of him and what dreams were of when in reference to, regarding the choices made? Were you dreaming of him when causing problems to me and thinking of how much you could hurt me, my son, and my daughter? Were you thinking of how your problems making me suffer needlessly could ever be the same as how he had done so though knowing of the rituals and knowing of the abuse while knowing it was wrong and yet testing me repeatedly needlessly, would there be such a reference for the 7 years in comparison to the 8 in number to which such additional portions of explanations regarding such could be seen? If you were dreaming of me, what were your dreams as to what I did? Was it where I was smiling and happy, enjoying? If you were dreaming of me did you see what joy and/or love which was not available at such times because of how I had been treated and the similar aspects thereof regarding such envy and jealousy regarding how my son and my daughter had always been more important at their most important times of development, compared to your wants and desires to what my needs and wants are? If you were dreaming of me what portions were where you saw me actually being able to smile genuinely without having to hold back because of the possible conversations thereafter if had done so, if ever comfortable enough in such a dreaming? If you were dreaming of me crying was it you were dreaming of me crying tears of joy or tears of pain and if whichever way, which side would such be seen as to which ways as?


Remember who I care about is who I care about which in turn through the blessing aspects because of the contract agreed to would in turn be as such so long as such aspects thereof were followed accordingly, as per such a specific agreement of such times. The timing of the missionaries arriving had been when my hairstyle and my hair color were not as they are though was the natural color which grows compared to the hair color I have now via the processing, which if such were to have been the parents of the male named Adam who was a part of the information regarding my biological sister taking multiple males over to our biological parents' new house they had not lived in yet or both having been within the house after purchase prior to her teenager lack of self control choices; the neighbor across the street named Tiffany would have known as well as her husband, as to some of the vehicles and people which were in and out of the house as well as having spent time with my biological sister and had ignored some of my warnings regarding such behaviours needlessly.


Thus if you were dreaming of me crying in pain, who would that be infuriating to because of how many tears of pain as well as tears of blood he spilled of mine to which would need to be made up for each tear caused in such ways? If for those who have doubted needlessly of such, then the fixing and repairing would be to actually have tears of joy to fix and repair what damages had been done though could only be done in truth in comparison for why would such in lies cause problems? The answer is because it was not until towards the end when he realized if he had told me the truth from the beginning how I actually would have been just as helpful though the lesser amount of pain and the lesser amount of damages to myself, my son, my daughter, and others unnecessarily though for such aspects thereof would be required for showing the ways of which were already what once was and in order to actually move forward the need and the requirement for a new path in comparison to what once was because of what newness would be able to genuinely be brought in comparison to repeating the same patterns without warrant or cause because of which would be required for the actual betterment in comparison to an ego or what was thought to be owed in comparison to what actually was owed because of whatever choices regarding the requirements thereof. If the requirement is as hypothetically to fix and repair, then why would anything other than what I knew would be needed be required for such? I add knowing how many know of my modestness, what would be the ways of which would be reviewed regarding respecting such modesty in comparison?


In reference to who makes someone do something against their will, who was the individual who refused to give any choices or options compared to me? Thus those who would have of their own free will having been warned to stay away from his marker and away from his grave until I was done taking care of rectifying myself the problems caused by the stolen valor as well as the Bronze Star who chose to go as they chose who willingly spiritually married him as being told of such rituals, thus their contract they signed by going to on their own in their own ways to the physical location of for the purposes to respect him would mean if you had actually done so in respect in truth would mean your respect of such would be to respect his hopes for my son and my daughter though most especially myself.


Thus then the return to the lyric portion of in a multitude of different ways I can't believe you actually picked me, knowing as such and having had such explanations in person as well as in writing from my books which I had sent through the Library of Congress and sent the physical copies to multiple people before ever creating the link through dropbox which was removed after a point in time and thus the situations which have been known and have been why technology companies had as well as the Library of Congress has such laws preventing certain things; though having specifically registered my legal first as well as my legal middle name and such detailed portions would remain mine always as per all such anti-slavery and progressive female aspects in the Constitutional Rights and Amendments I personally fought for literally and metaphorically and figuratively for years all by myself alone without any assistance at such points in time for those particular situations or could be called battles for such a spiritual war that was raged not only in such a location as my house though also in reference to what situations were going on during those years from 2000 through to 2008; thus an additional aspect as to such portions of do not blaspheme my name, when adding the SCUBA Diving references as to the water portions. My name most knew me as is Susan MeeLing and/or Lady Dori Belle and that is it; with or without the words Ordained Reverend involved.


Now that such is fully established regarding the aspects thereof, such contractual obligation for such portions have been in full swing since 28 January 2008 as I had already explained much up to that point and would explain such with furthered details through to 2013 prior to winding up in Washington state and such situations regarding; which in turn since the beginning of lying about me, blaspheming my name(s), taking my name/work in vanity/vain, and etcetera would then mean the situations to which his contractual obligations would be added to what my Big Blood Brother from my childhood in New Jersey would be already having watched over and kept out of the limelight to be able to ensure my safety as per our childhood agreement as I made a promise to him many years ago which I did the best I could to remember despite the after effects of my Psalm Sunday 2000 head injury. If you know about such regards of such a promise I made to that Big Blood Brother of mine and visa versa, then the correlations are quite visible as well as had been going on longer than anyone ever officially knew though had unofficially been informed of beginning in 2004; though such types of people who ignored the warnings back then would be known to follow the lefthanded path and would fall to such in different ways as per my Big Blood Brother having been in waiting, as per our discussions from our childhood. In wishes of such to be one with my Big Blood Brother, you would have needed a few specific pieces of which he had given to me though such pieces were used in such a ritual and those portions of which cannot be undone have been strengthened each as per our contract and having grown up in New Jersey in the 1980s and 1990s he and I have had a thicker bond which is unbreakable and such an unbreakable contract as well as having told despite his disbelief as my now dead-ex-husband of who he would be working underneath was not ever hidden from such a gamble which was waged against each and every individual around the world because of his choices. In turn I wonder now in 2021how much would the differences be made when actually saying positive and truthful aspects as to what I have accomplished, what I have completed myself, what good I have done, what I have created on my own, and etcetera regarding the beneficial aspects as to what I had blessed others with in that sort of turn around regarding such aspects thereof. I suppose the waters know best for such regards which I suppose in that additional reference depending upon a few portions I suppose I can make a joke, regarding Waters and quality over quantity regarding SCUBA Diving and a different argument and/or competition between what had once been as per brought up when on a Bremerton Washington Naval Marine shipyard in 2019 when looking at the USS Nimitz when discussing my SCUBA Diving overall and more specifically referencing my USS/USNS General Hoyt S. Vandenberg SCUBA Dive when I landed at the bottom of the ocean to end all problems in every way possible despite the lack of belief in me as well as in my abilities at such times.


"("Hi Justin, this is your mother, and it's 2:33 on Monday afternoon

I was just calling to see how you were doing

You sounded really uptight last night

It made me a little nervous, and a l... and... well... it made me nervous, it sounded like you were nervous, too

I just wanted to make sure you were really OK

And wanted to see if you were checking in on your medication

You know I love you, and

Take care honey

I know you're under a lot of pressure

See ya. Bye bye")"


I think the amount of words I have personally written as well as said over the years regarding my son and my daughter though also others who I had been worried about despite certain aspects which were not believed about regarding the truth I spoke of, which some refused to heed my warnings as I worried about. In reference to a Thanksgiving Dinner in 2010 and the pressure felt regarding one particular Female Dominant in charge of the ClubFEM group regarding how and who was going to arrive for such, the few male submissives in the areas at such times when preparing during the week meeting as well as the Saturday or Friday event itself would be able to refer to the stress levels of as well as to the situations at such times which having heard certain comments and being told of certain specifics; though I was wrongly accused of problems in the DFW area during the time in 2010 while I was still in Cedar Park/Austin Texas area, only one male would be to blame for such problems as no situations ever were a problem before that timeframe regarding myself in such an overblown proportion way as few ever knew of the situation regarding the San Antonio Temple of Flesh and the being carried onto the stage problem; knowing I would not want or need to go on stage though that having been taken away from my choice after the known aspects of the Excalibur Faire in 2005, and associations thereof. As well as that divorce between John and Kim Virreal (?spelling?) in whichever year the divorce went through though in 2008 or 2009 as to in person and/or online as I had been told of comparatively to then in 2010, though such additional business situations of such were as they were as well.


Nonetheless the regards of the who was most like a Dad/Father in some ways because of other portions, my Big Blood Brother had taught me a lot more than some realized as well as in conjunction to other aspects thereof as he promised me and only me because of the agreement we had. However those portions were slightly discussed compared to other portions, which seemingly were a bit more of pressure than I realized officially for such as per the Dominant Mentor Program timing later as well in 2011 as those who were in knowledge of as well as what I had written up on fetlife for such a time when she quit being my Mentor for such; in all honesty, how was I supposed to put into words what was told to me which would have been believed as per such situations going on overall at such times to winding up in Washington state in 2013 other than what I was already threatened of online and in person to what was as such? In Washington state in Vancouver in 2013 and with what occurred as to how I wound up there, what could others have for such explanations as to why the only thing which could be thought of would be a piece of paper and how long and how many in such regards comparatively to just me? There were 3 people who knew I was in Vancouver Washington at the time officially, and later was as it was despite not having been told of a funeral until later in an unofficial way in 2013 and 2014 and 2015 and 2016 in various regards though unofficially in such ways as I simply figured if anyone needed to ask me or contact me they would have had my website contact form if there was not another way to get my phone number to call me as per the known requirement which would have been for such times and onward if not in person respectfully. However if some chose to not say such because of having seen me in person prior and/or wishing to save their girlfriend at the time, such drama occurred as such drama occurred needlessly and such I am not interested in and do not have any interest in as per prior discussions because of quite a bit more specifics.


Either do a full disclosure as best as possible, or do not waste and of your or my time with such; while properly respecting such contracts which obliged to whether wishing or not, because I had told many of such aspects regarding the portions in which I dealt with in reference to my now dead-ex-husband and what portions of the knowledge a ritual set had occurred and to which many laughed with me at and finding such hilarious as to getting such a contractual agreement under my terms completely. It is, what it is.


In a different way can anyone at this point in time see a reference to such for example, the marker being fixed and repaired in a time which was longer than the 7 years of legal only to be a legal widow because of his refusal to ever get married in a church or with a leader of such an accepted faith regarding my spirituality? Which people, of which groups, of which locations? Have I had a tendency to show up when the requirements might not have been seen to actually move forward and each section thereof having been proven as to what I saw the entire time though if someone asked honestly would have actually gotten the answers, though can actually see symbolism when looking backwards in time which would point to exactly what actually was proven in such later times? Is there an example or a few which could actually show such more recently and/or long term, in regards of such? Is it always the same way each time, or is it something which was unseen and unknown though the portions of what was chosen and as to why always prove to be the correct choices and why? Why do I not elevate in words only though in specific choices of symbolism which in turn the choices give options of other free will choices to which if when the point has been seen, how much was actually required for such to be seen in a way which sometimes another person can explain much better from their own experiences and what may be a similar portion of wording being able to find clearer ways for such to be able to discuss prior to moving forward with such to see exactly what was described in ways which only another to such would be able to give such wording for and yet the smallest Faery-sized ways of which even the softer tone of voice gives such a particular confirmation of knowing and understanding which the feelings of which cannot be expressed as of a point in time because of needing such to be able to have a truly open mind compared to only one portion to look at because of experiences which not officially known would be able to give such clarifications for a genuine unity in a more positive and beneficial way compared to one way or another as usually done for certain individuals and the requirement for such to be able to give that gift of free will which actually costs nothing in financial initial aspects though the aspects of such rewards being more valuable than what words could ever give to such for the ability to explain in their won words to those they know of what actually is more regarding such aspects for a different way for betterment in larger portions? What would be better compared to what would be seen, and which betterment is usually underneath the surface compared to the surface thereof? Maybe I can see a lot more than some wanted to accept and others could feel was always there without the words, and thus the portions of which that aspect to take such to move forward in ways which would actually be seen much deeper than some might think they know from what they think they know? Unless there is someone which there is not who can guess every individual choice in each individual way in each individual situation as per me and how I see and interpret for the longer and longest terms possible compared to the short and shorter and shortest, because of the ways which what I have seen and know of have such ways to take to a different level which always seems lower though in such portions always actually gets much higher than initially thought of ever achieving? How many times, and how many people of how many groups?


2014 was the official year of publishing my first 2 books and onto through to 2016 which would technically be regarding the portions of 2008 through 2015 when beginning the writing of my book I authored called "Fail-Safe: The Kennedy curse fused with Science Fiction Fantasy By: Susan MeeLing" which the original in such is always just as the regards of the portions of all of my other books before as well as since, only as mine for such originality despite wishes. Irving, is what you should regard for such an additional aspect thereof regarding the aspects to the ensuring additionally regarding my Big Blood Brother named Damien though his nickname of Lucifer which I thought he was a great morning star in my thoughts for different individuals we knew when we were growing up together in New Jersey. I suppose I can joke about those lyric portions of checking in on me in a different way and ensuring my safety from the promises we made to one another, and though I did not want to believe him when he said certain things to me as a child; I knew in later years how true he had always been to the different discussions we had when we were growing up. He told me he knew I was the equivalent of That Girl in the neighborhood as well as school and other sections of at the time and saw more than what most knew he had seen, which I thought meant similar to what I was told in other references though specifics to which I could only laugh at as I could not see myself as he said he saw.


While some might be angry as to the contract regarding such a spiritual marriage to my dead-ex-husband, what was your view of your version of a God? Was the version of a God usually one who would punish you for causing needless problems which you knew better from and would point you towards the one who actually could do what was required, or was your version of a God someone who was only one way while knowing of such being far more than one aspect for Divinity or the God-head or the Messiah would actually have the genuine connections for such aspects compared to thoughts only? Is your version of a God is to punish only in comparison to warning before what could be as a punishment being as warned or would your version of a God-head be as someone who would give you warnings and signs which you might not like though are safer options for a longer length of life in genuine truth with honesty for a way which might be difficult at first though once figured out the ways to bring more together for a more positive outcome, compared to what was thought as comfort in comparison to what actually is comfort? If your version of a God is to only punish, then how could a God only punish without knowing of what was wrong which would be needed to be fixed and repaired?


If your version of a God-head is to actually assist and as per the warnings and gentle guidance compared to what could have been in comparison, what would you have the ability to see and research of your own free will compared to a sometimes needless punishment only with too many restrictions against wrongly? If looking to biblical portions then who is underneath the top of the earth within the terrain in the Holy Scriptures, and who is it that created the earth to walk among those of the earth in such writings and why?


"I have to block out thoughts of you so I don't lose my head

They crawl in like a cockroach leaving babies in my bed

Dropping little reels of tape to remind me that I'm alone

Playing movies in my head that make a porno feel like home

There's a burning in my pride, a nervous bleeding in my brain

An ounce of peace is all I want for you. Will you never call again?

And will you never say that you loved me, just to put it in my face?

And will you never try to reach me?

It is I that wanted space"


In reference to who wanted to block out who in in each area compared to who wanted to be able to actually help and when pushed away to the point of not wanting to have anything to do with any further, then realized such was as it was back in such times and what warnings occurred compared to what occurred in a larger way? How many times did I get a warning which was a threat and then the threat occurred not only to me though to everyone else though the warnings I had given had provided a longer term benefit compared to the repetition, and how many times did I beg for the knowledge to actually be known for the genuine benefit though was denied wrongly? How many times did the individuals I knew ignore the warnings which were warnings while threatening me in response in comparison, and what occurred because of the threats I had told I had been getting in reference to Washington state? If I had actually wanted to leave Texas back in reference to the after times of the Cowboys Dance Hall Stoney LaRue concert which was after I had been blocked out of multiple groups and kept away from people I enjoyed spending my time with, then how many prior references such as telling people online and in person about any moving going on before as well as during as well as afterwards from my patterns of behaviour compared to what occurred regarding to winding up in Washington state in 2013? I would have done so with telling people such as multiple contact situations to go to such a place in comparison to just going, correct? For example from Carrollton Texas to Cedar Park Texas, how many people did I speak with in person before and during and afterwards about such a move? In reference to Cedar Park Texas to Irving Texas, how many people and places online and in person did I discuss as to such details in comparison to Washington state? Regarding Irving Texas to San Antonio Texas was the only time I had not discussed and the same in reference to from San Antonio Texas to Carrollton Texas, though what were the reasons as to why such was not discussed? Both times I literally had a loaded firearm in my face which occurred such before both moves without any warnings, without any discussions, and without any due portions as to why beyond what was needed at the time for my safety as well as my son's safety as well as my daughter's safety. Can you please actually trust me now, is there enough proof as to how I did not choose to go to Washington state though now no longer need or want to be specifically in the state of Texas because of not feeling any bit of comfort I personally needed for myself though because of my Medal of Honor Art Project the same sort of situation regarding San Antonio to Carrollton and Irving to San Antonio make any sense though still having spoken with people as per my patterns of behaviour? Thus since I am not in a relationship and I am not taking care of my biological son and biological daughter in person then the lack of any requirement for anything regarding anywhere I want to and I need to be for what I need to do for what is best and safest for me, as well as others regarding getting SCUBA Diving other portions taken care of in ways which I know to be better in comparison to the time which some wish would be on their schedule though the energetic portions of which the requirements actually are since referencing the solar eclipse and how many screwed up the actual timing for such a SCUBA Dive or are people too ignorantly stupid to ever pay attention to the fact I know and understand better than anyone ever thought I knew to comprehend and could such people finally do as they have been given such to do correctly instead of now actually wasting my time and wasting their time which did not have to be wasted; though I suppose such as per the lyrics as quite frankly the situations which at such times whether in reference specifically regarding different timing portions, the amount which is as such was at those particular times is what it was.


Since I can pick up as I pick up to interpret as such information is, I suppose the next set of lyrics and as the video I watched for the first time for the song; is quite a bit much regarding a few specifics, though such ironies regarding the answering machine portions as to such an ironic portion in more ways than I can put into words. Possibly some may know a bit better for such ironies, though possibly admittedly such was needed for others regarding myself at such times for their own betterment because of only being able to explain so much at such times as the linear aspects can be difficult when so much in regards of what/who/when/where/why/how for the best knowledge for clearer understanding as each comprehends what each's choices were though sometimes when the entanglements are much deeper than once known. However then the reality of having the knowledge and understanding as to how many had simply given up on me and pushed me away telling me of the space they needed or what-have-you in whichever times which who called me and/or called me back and/or returned contact honestly to me which would be clear beyond one male who had said he never knew me in one message, which truthfully he did not ever know me before as quite honestly he did not know or understand I would refuse to ever be treated the way my dead-ex-husband had treated me by anyone or I would send such rage and fury after whomever regarding such; as per the contract which was agreed to well before ever meeting those people, though I had truthfully spoken of the realities as well as the portions of. I specifically told people if you ever learn how bad the marriage was and how such had been you would understand from the knowledge as to why I repeatedly tell you that I was in a different part of the city and had not seen him in two days as per the usual visitations when he died, which people thought I was joking about the situations and/or thought that I had protested too much about the fullness of such details; which in turn if learned of, the reality of not ever having known me for the choices by such each individual in comparison I suppose.


The insistent of trying to one up me while my dead-ex-husband was alive is a different irony whether in reference to any of his school work because I could not get into college and yet I knew and understood more to comprehend in which to actually assist and help, though because I could not get a degree I was considered as how others later treated me as well; including regarding my 26 SCUBA Diving certifications as even though I discussed my 16 SCUBA Diving certifications with people in a general aspect, the 16 SCUBA Diving certifications apparently was not considered good enough at such times to some individuals as per the work I did put into my own education as well as other portions regarding the Dominant Mentor Program; of which only one female ever found the courage to ask me to Mentor at the time, however due to problems which she refused to adhere to the rules I had arranged and had a problem regarding the discipline regarding after her boy and the laptop situation regarding the Dallas Galleria break in to the trunk of her car if correct; since the male from the Air Force branch of the United States of America had taken a laptop off of the JBSA post in 2012 and no one at his command had disciplined him, I took the opportunity to prevent such for others to think about because of having had multiple letters discussing such being taken off of post and the amount of information people needed to pay attention to in order to be able to take care of their safety because of knowing my information was not the only one who had information taken off of a military installation. I knew it was pertinent to get the point across that such would not be tolerated for anyone who would purposefully cause such problems regarding that sort of situation as per how certain individuals in the Air Force had been previously towards such data previously and the smoking session as per similar to Basic Training, as I had informed him of what I was going to do and he agreed as he knew Matt was in the wrong and as his girlfriend Ana watched him do pushup and a few other similar aspects to; then she started getting jumpy about the situation and freaked out complaining that she thought I was being mean to him for the laptop being taken out of the car, which seemed extremely odd to me as he was the one being smoked and she was losing it over him being smoked for the short amount of time. However such a time which I did tell a few at San Antonio events if anyone had recalled such, though I had also informed of other situations regarding people taking information off of Temple of Flesh's computer systems as well as at Steve's place because of what I was told from others. One female had shown me of a stick technology piece when she was working at the front desk and her husband was in the Air Force branch of the United States of America though I cannot remember her name, she had longer dark colored hair and glasses which were a bit round-ish square-ish, shorter than I am, and broader shoulders who had shown me such as she pulled a stick out from the port area and tried to hide it from being seen during one of the first events I attended at the Perrin Beitel location; though also others, which I discussed with some people though they did not believe me. Such in regards of the similar aspects as to the proof regarding my spirituality and religious aspects and rights thereof which I fought for and earned on my own for myself as well as for others despite the view of some people's opinions, which in turn the reverse aspect is the fact through the contract as to the respect earned for such as well as the facts thereof regarding the Executrix portions only for me.


The portions regarding the aspects of the bleeding in the brain in reference to the blood and the contusion on the forehead in the pictures seen on the laptop at CID which also included the lamp knocked over in the picture and the pine colored wood of the nightstand, in reference to the coroner pictures I had guessed as well as the blanket neatly placed over his chest with the slight fold of the white sheet perfectly at one angle had seemed a bit odd the CID males would show such to me at the time; though it was during the time of the investigation of his death, and the 6 different sets of 2 CID agents as I was told they were in the CID office had said with the one who went from an E7 to an E8 funeral director over the weekend when at the actual funeral with the pinned rank on his uniform when I had been told he was not high enough ranking as an enlisted soldier to attend the funeral; despite the ranking of the 21 Gun Salute soldiers who were all between the ranking of E1 through E4 only, which was extremely weird to me and few civilians I told noticed or cared and the few military guys I had told were more concerned about other situations in comparison to the larger portions of as I knew he had worn the stolen valor uniform in multiple locations and spent time with multiple people wearing such which if however each chose to speak of is however each chose to speak of. While unsure as to how ironic certain portions are in other ways in a different aspect in reference to IHOP and a few people who went to visit me when working and asked me to look at a few things before the reading portion, as well as the situations when in regards of cleaning out the storage unit, and another situation in a specific reference to a cafeteria type of regarding. It is as such though, he wanted his space. He definitely got such space in a different way as per what he said he would do during the first separation when I refused to help with any of the work without the credit I earned, which he said if he was going to commit suicide he would complete it in a way of similarly to death by cop situation. When I told some of such they did not believe me and what way would hurt me the most for caring as much as I had about the aspects to not saying anything except the truth regarding not having graduated Basic Training in the Army branch of the United States of America, how would someone as abusive as he had been while he was alive choose to take himself out in a location such as the state of Texas while instigating problems for the one who refused to give it up as he was as he was; while not caring about the safety of my son and my daughter needlessly despite him being their biological father?


The answer had always been in the first separation timeframe as he said as he learned after shooting himself with the same 22mm pistol he shot my dog Dionysus with after he allowed my biological sister to inject my dog with something from her college as my biological mother was helping her and sat at the same spot at the dining room table which my now dead-ex-husband had docked puppy tails, while she made a sandwich to eat and sit while watching from the dining room window while laughing as I cried about what was going on to my dog and my biological father stood outside watching as it occurred. Though I had done what I could to get what the injection was into my dog out of Dionysus, though who would have believed me at such times as to what she had said was injected into him? Who would have believed me as to my now dead-ex-husband having pushed an injection into him when I asked for him to be brought to me for a shower to clean him, as what was actually required to do so was open the gate for me to call him over instead of my now dead-ex-husband reaching into the cage to drag him out after stabbing my dog with the injection to then complain as to Dionysus biting and scratching him ferociously? Who would have believed me about all of such back then, or at any point in time? All I could do was get out of the shower to get my dog to grab him to calm him down and when my now dead-ex-husband got further involved telling me what was injected, I had dealt with as I had dealt with until the cage was taken outside and how my dog was murdered was how I had to get myself down the stairs to deal with such a situation to try to get what was injected into him out. When I failed at that I was told to go inside as my biological mother and biological father arrived, and went as they went calmly which I could not handle the situation in the slightest and ran to the store Crystal Mountain to try to calm down from what occurred with minimal portions to be able to explain as to what details I could explain with words as admittedly I was in tears. As such had been told to me how multiple needless rumors would be spread about me if I ever spoke up against the abuse, I had already dealt with such before having been involved with the communities which in the Pagan community in San Antonio Texas and the connection to such other portions; how badly could or did that go, when taking a larger step back look at such situations afterwards. The irony of claiming to care about stopping abuses only to go and do as such, which per the contract and agreement the repetition of the permanency to such a contract for eternity; to which the reverse to fix and repair such problems was and would be, to find ways to get the awareness of such for clarification to genuinely get to a better clarity to move forward while working through such situations while living after surviving such. Though the realistic portions of the repair would be in reference to myself, the opposite of what I had already dealt with to which in such regards the portions of would be the ways for such as well as to not ever repeat that.


Then how would such look to not do so though to do so regarding the levels of which having hated the fact I would not call myself a soldier because of not having graduated Basic Training be seen in a psychological view point, though a different version of a death by cop or suicide by cop situation? If you could ever think as to how many thoughts were running through when that Chief Warrant Officer 3 showed me the picture and said there was stolen valor problems, the number to which to count would be immeasurable at this point. Though in turn, how does such get reversed to cease such problems? Finding a way to end stolen valor of whatever type, as best as possible for the clearer aspects of the fullest truth; as I know I cannot be the only one who has been wrongfully denied such earned valor, recognition, accreditation(s), and etcetera for the positive aspects of what was earned in various ways simply by using the correct name for me regarding such of and as Susan MeeLing and/or Reverend Susan MeeLing and/or Lady Dori Belle to reverse such problems from such times as per. However the reality of which not to scare or to cause fear when having discussed such as in truth it was to be honest for the ability to know why I simply could not discuss certain parts of the time, as it was extremely painful to speak of due to the levels of and the amount of abuse I had dealt with to simply just be able to live and have my children live while being as safe as I possibly could to prevent further damages as best as I possibly could for the best and most ideal outcomes. However if such regarding anything of others causing such additional needless problems at such times, I suppose the irony specifically regarding locations to which of not saying ... or no answers ... just to put such in my face while knowing as to the realities discussed in truth at minimum by me.




"Hate me today

Hate me tomorrow

Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you


Hate me in ways

Yeah, ways hard to swallow

Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you"


If the ironic twist of which when realized as to how much truth I had spoken at multiple times as I can only do as such if had to be reversed in a twisted way though because I am as I am, and my own concerns of hoping for the best and to which the times which explained to some regarding paying more attention to several aspects regarding others. A band which I cannot recall the specifics as to how I can remember a sound of the song singers voices called 3 Doors Down video though only having heard the song on the radio possibly, regarding a song named Kryptonite. The ways of which the ironic twist of an individual I once knew and learned he was a retired Colonel in the Armed Forces of the United States of America in the adult lifestyle community to which how he was treated by some individuals in the community by choice admittedly as per consenting adult activities, however when he asked me to complete a scene with him I told him unknowing at the time of his veteran status until later; I simply could not allow myself to do something as such to him, because I respected him and what he had done which at such times was needed for the safety of the United States of America, which he was surprised and taken aback and asked me why I would tell him as such. I told him I knew there were certain portions of which the safety of the individuals regarding the country have some difficulties going through certain realities of which are required of certain deployments which the requirement of the safest possible outcomes for the most amount of fellows along side with however such, needs the clearest and most precise types of clarity which assist more than some can know at times because of the requirements. He stood looking at me quietly before asking how I would ever know such, which I told him about my Psalm Sunday 2000 head injury after effects a bit more in detail which included picking up on certain aspects which the energetic portions as to how I can see sometimes is a bit different. I explained I have done such for a longer time than since the 2000 year, which I apologized I could not assist in such a way because of how my personal views and feelings for such individuals are in a setting such as because of how I specifically am. I hoped he would find one who would be able to fulfill such for him in a better way than I could because of how I connect at times, which he smiled kindly and appreciated the fact I had actually cared enough to explain to him as to why I would look into his eyes when speaking with him despite being a Female Dominant.


We talked a bit longer before randomly as the evening and other events went on as such at that Dallas event, which a different 3 Doors Down video called "When I'm Gone" simply makes a different set of sense in other regards as hopefully before his time maybe there was a way for him to be able to see such regarding my Medal of Honor Art Project. He had reminded me in a different way as to certain portions which he did not know to the levels of in certain regards of other portions while able to know of at minimum my SCUBA Diving because of the pictures I posted online on fetlife as well as facebook, and not hiding such aspects of being a proud American. I joked with him later one evening as he commented about a picture of soldiers I had put up on the website as to which seeing him laugh softly was a good thing to see, as I joked why should we keep the name of earth as earth? He asked me why or what I was referring to, and I joked would it not be a better name to stand out in the Milky Way Galaxy instead of as earth being called America? He laughed as I smiled looking to see what his opinion was, which he looked before getting closer to my ear saying how he had wondered what would take some people so long to see that which I chuckled because of knowing he of anyone at such times would absolutely have to know and understand such a joke regarding both the Moon as well as the oceanic aspects. I suppose now I can joke a bit of the oceanic waters in the Artic Oceanic area for the passports regarding certain portions to the Canada, USA, and Mexico portions as technically with the Panama Canal the ironic twist as to whichever way it technically would be three doors down or three doors up aside from a bed I had made one year of my own design and of my own creation regarding hell and purgatory and Heaven. I know some do not realize or may not have remembered what levels some people have to go to for their fellows, and such a video seems a bit of an irony at this particular point in time. While some can hate the fact anyone has to fight or hate the fact anyone has to go to battle or hate they have had to go to a warzone, the individuals who willingly choose to don such a uniform because of the requirements at the time of 2002 after 11 September 2001 which as many know in the OB/GYN field, most babies have usually been born in the June/July/August/September months of the year just as most ability to find medical conditions which need assistance in other aspects closely associated with such a medical field.


What people needed and need to remember each individual who wears a uniform has a Mom, a Grandma, and a Great Grandma somewhere who had given birth to that individual in that uniform and possibly have a sister or a brother while needing to remember some are considered as an only child in whichever capacity thereof. Whether the individual in the uniform is a female or a male, the facts are as the facts are; though they do not stop having such a connection simply because they no longer wear the uniform for a day's work or when getting out whichever way as such per, and such a connection does not necessarily stop because of getting the uniform off of the physical body as when soldiers pass on they are sometimes buried in such a uniform and from the time of their swearing in to the time of when they depart from this planet is a day of which each day is still a day which is not a day to you as someone who might not know of such more in details in varied ways though there are those who have counted each moment to be able to see their loved one once again even if only to see the stone itself and speak as such in the Blue October song video to those required to listen to know that was his song for you as well.


"I'm sober now for three whole months it's one accomplishment that you helped me with

The one thing that always tore us apart is the one thing I won't touch again

In my sick way I want to thank you for holding my head up late at night

While I was busy waging wars on myself, you were trying to stop the fight

You never doubted my warped opinions on things like suicidal hate"


What was the above aspect regarding a warped opinion, towards suicidal hate? How much did he hate the fact I had fought to be emancipated to be able to join the United States of America's Armed Forces to do what I could to be in the Special Forces and/or help with the Navy SEALS, as per the aspects to discuss certain portions when on safer ground and in a safe location to speak with the individuals as required if I had simply graduated Basic Training and AIT? Remember, I wrote after discussing the poker game and which way do you think he had laughed the most at compared to what most who understand and know how poker is actually played compared to me? Thus if you have that much of a problem in certain regards as to other such aspects, remember my SCUBA Diving and what choices have been made over what length of time and what possibilities of if ever having forced any sort of process from such a specific group of individuals who heard first before others who I knew for years had been able to listen to in person about such times regarding the leading up to that point in time regarding classes and certifications in 2009; what do you think his and my Big Blood Brother's opinions would be of what your choices had been regarding such, in conjunction to if you ever refused me and/or refused to believe me after treating me how? I refused to speak about why or anything further of the background I have to civilians without proper identification required which occurred most often, though the view of such regarding telling him if he chose to kill himself through suicide by an official how much I would see he had always hated every individual aspect of who I am and who I had always been; which after the 22mm firearm which he shot himself and had to go to BAMC/SAMC, I told him if he was going to kill himself to not bother anyone else for what he chose to do. How would someone with such views take that in reference to the second and final separation, regarding how I had always been a proud American?


While some may have had their own opinions as each has, it admittedly was around 3 months when going to if I recall correctly the Unlimited Thought Bookstore session which I asked a medium after telling her of a few portions regarding the situation at the time around April 2008 to verify a few things as I wanted to ensure I knew correctly. As the female discussed as to the situation regarding the portion regarding how she had seen what was being picked up regarding without telling her of any details, however Cactus Jack AKA Jeffrey Kuykendall Jr being there at the time for what she said and explained. I looked over to him with a large smile, and he began shivering trying to sit still as I smiled even bigger. After the session and having known he had also completed a ritual to which encompassed the living portion to such sets of other rituals, which were already minutely explained though at the same such times the beginning portion of him starting to freak out a lot more regarding such. The complaints about his feelings referencing the point which he thought he felt raped regarding prior portions after such a session at Unlimited Thoughts Bookstore while I volunteered at Nine Lives Books, took a lot more to calm down from listening to him say such words to me knowing the fact as to how the forced situation had become as such at the time. However I suppose in a sadistic sort of way, technically 3 months later from January 2008 the aspect of being sober could be joked about as realistically the facts are as the facts are. My dead-ex-husband did what he could to try to mimic everything I had done in certain regards as the ironic portion referencing the Mockingbird chasing after him when mowing my lawn at my house in San Antonio Texas, to which the beginning of his fear to mow the lawn began happening multiple times with one other portion regarding a situation which the Ram that arrived regarding the time at Enchanted Rock had kneeled downward before turning towards him and then running off on the location I was mediating at during the time. Later by several years after having told Patrick Kennedy about Enchanted Rock the curiosity after having completed a few appointments regarding the hospital my daughter was at in 2011, I had decided to take my son there and Patrick went with as earlier I had taken my son and my daughter to the Longhorn Caverns during a different trip which the weekend visitation was allowed for such a location at the time.


I noticed several similar portions to the Space Caverns and Natural Bridge Caverns which the rope portion seemed a bit odd, though it reminded me about the Cavern SCUBA Diving class certification course I had taken and graduated from which made little sense at the time though now I suppose it had to do with the line and the cookies.


"You made me compliment myself when it was way too hard to take"


Then the ironic twist of which there was not the point in time which I had truly been told many compliments because of how various individuals had seen me as well as how such had been portrayed regarding others' opinions and view points, which was not as well known when I was dealing with situations later after his death when in regards of others' opinions referring to my clothing in whichever aspect of my involvement. As anything I wore was not ever considered good enough no matter what the situation had been, no matter what actually worked for the situation, and etcetera as I had always shown up with the proper attire and yet how I had been treated for whichever clothing I chose to wear was simply as ironically worse in reference to certain locations over later years before winding up in Washington state as per the conversations as to what the opinions were of whichever outfits I chose to wear by my own free will despite anyone else's thoughts as to what they would have wished for me to wear without ever taking such into consideration as to the amount of constant beratement and abuse needlessly dealt with while being shamed and then having others add additional commentary to what the situations were depending of the times regarding such. The irony regarding such a spiritual marriage to my now dead-ex-husband would be his rage as to how many times he once had to actually be a decent human being and an actual human being with a compassionate heart as to care enough as to even one simple small compliment about even one item of my clothing and/or outfit, though it is what it is at this point.


He hated my tattoos as well as how I chose to explain each tattoo with meaning as to think to ever wish to think to ever know enough as per each symbolism has to do with more than just the explanations in writing or description as per sometimes as a reading to inform such of the unaccepted aspects if having such portions in regards of, as per how I had fully done so to complete my own work for my own tattoos in which ways only the Cantonese had known such fuller details and as I refused to discuss such teachings and training in more aspects than mere tattoos in such views to some people; the charges as to such individually and collectively are mine and mine alone as none of my tattoos are for anyone else ever, as per designation for what is not yours and had not ever been yours no matter how much some might wish that because I had given such information in minimal context to ever think of such as a free for all except what your free for all would be for such comparatively to ever having such disrespect and how such would be responded to and as how such would be responded to for such as per the contract. If the choice was to disrespect, then what would the response be for such regarding a spiritual marriage to my dead-ex-husband? Think. How many had so many problems with their disbelief as to such aspects regarding my tattoos helping despite the fact of having explained the cognitive disorders and the memory deficits, would align to which portion as for you to make up for in ways which would be considered as acceptable? The ironic aspects as to it actually being considered as hard to believe anyone would actually genuinely compliment such, after as many years as I have dealt with such before Washington state in 2013 when beginning the tattoo aspects around 2006 for myself and myself alone as the life insurance money was only for the life insurance money and nothing more regarding my son and my daughter as much as they would wish such as those are non-transferable and would not ever be able for anyone else and would be reviewed as an insult fully not only to myself though because of the contract as to how such would be reviewed in regards of a harsh response to the facts thereof with each additional situation added especially with even the smallest lie to ensure such would go as far as would go to cause one's own demise for whatever choices were made to cause needless problems additionally.


"So I'll drive so fucking far away that I never cross your mind

And do whatever it takes in your heart to leave me behind"


By technicalities I had driven though the situations regarding as to how I had driven and why regarding after the Cowboys Dance Hall Stoney LaRue concert in March 2013, are a different twisted ironic look to such lyrics as well as the additional portions thereof. How is it that my now dead-ex-husband had viewed females, especially if they ever said anything about me in which he would find to be an offensive comment wrongly against me and with such conversations I have dealt with over the years prior to his death and the lack of a physical body for him; what would you think the response would be to any and all fe/males who would ever think and not forget ever act upon any type of situation which would cause any further problems when your job was designated to fix and repair the needless as my biological mother and biological father and biological sister joked about the nickname of victim of child abuse? Who had shamed me for what I had endured, survived, and lived onward from which situations? What would those two lines of lyrics mean for such people who had chosen his left handed path of such portions thereof as he was a Democrat while I was/am a Republican, and what have some done regarding their opinions as to how I vote? Why was he so proud of his generational aspects as to being southern democrats who had proudly owned slaves as he found his genealogy and Grandpa Nichols had found paperwork regarding the purchasing and selling of the slaves owned before the Civil War, as well as being a proud Democrat born in Fort Polk Louisiana to also grow up in Fort Worth Texas where my ex-mother-in-law still lives and how could such additional portions be reviewed regarding such portions I had warned others of repeatedly? How would his response be to the fact his first love was named Tamika, though she would not tolerate the behaviour he had done to me because of knowing better and not having had a Psalm Sunday 2000 head injury with the after effects? However when having had such aspects regarding surviving what occurred and then dealing with that particular set of situations, how easily could that aspect be regarding him? However my heart, who would my heart be considered as in such a reference?


My son and my daughter which apparently some refused to believe the atrocities I dealt with and as such choices were refused regarding explaining to various people including McCoy Elementary School in Carrollton Texas of CFBISD as well as various communities such as SCUBA Diving, BDSM, LGBTQP, Pagan, and Swingers; after having already discussed such with my biological mother, biological father, biological sister, and my ex-in-laws which since he hated them fully for their own misgivings in full though had made an agreement which could not be refused once signed officially; the aspects as to how would he by orders of my Big Blood Brother have in such regards as to how the ways of being treated by others, might possibly be a moment for pause as to how to reflect as to what would be in comparison for the fixing and repairing to progress forward more positively with the best possible outcomes comparatively to such free will choices. Thus, which parts of my dead-ex-husband's thoughts would you have to leave behind from what your choices had been in reference to how I had been treated by choice on purpose because of whichever aspects regarding the known portions to purposefully cause harm needlessly to me? Had anyone ever thought as to what would occur if the responses were in the exact same kind way as chosen to do, regarding such aspects already known as per discussions and writings in FSL?


"Hate me today

Hate me tomorrow

Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you


Hate me in ways

Yeah, ways hard to swallow

Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you


And with a sad heart I say bye to you and wave"


I suppose definitely a specific set of wording which the situations referencing the electricity portions among a few other aspects, might make a bit of additional sense in a different way for some depending upon the viewpoint of at the time in 2013 compared to the time of now in 2021; though in other references, I suppose depending which group and/or community and/or family and/or friend I suppose a different set of perspectives can be taken into consideration as well; which possibly as I guesstimate, had become more-so than ever known despite what I had been told in person. However realizing such situations to prior despite the length of time, has hopefully at minimum cleared more portions in honesty despite what had occurred as to get to that particular point. However the ironic portion as to the turn around to reverse as the hatred of the stolen valor aspect is able to be seen when taking into consideration how much I had stood against such, and then to be spoken with at the time with the Chief Warrant Officer 3, I admit I turned cold as ice that second. However what was needed for my son and my daughter as well as Grandpa Nichols and the two males associated with such as the brother biologically Tony Walker Nichols and married in David Osteen among all of the soldiers within the 21 Gun Salute and other higher ranking officials; the situation regarding the overdramatic response to the truth being spoken by the Chief Warrant Officer 3, needed more of my attention than others may have ever realized until such publishing of FSL despite discussions over the years aside from what occurred as to how I had gotten off of the JBSA post at such times and the thereafter as well as however the fuller aspects to my Psalm Sunday 2000 head injury had occurred regarding the back history from such a time and from such a Basic Training Unit at Fort Sill Oklahoma.


So what or who or etcetera would actually be needed in such a reference as to what is actually good for..., me? Thus if you were loving him and preferring him, then what would his true intentions actually have been since he no longer has a physical body? It would actually be finding the one who would actually be everything he could not ever be while alive to most people, though was incapable of ever being towards me as per my requirements and only my requirements with whichever portions of which needed clarification would be honestly asked in comparison to ever trying to hint while being sneaky and thinking such would not be noticed regarding such.


"Kicking shadows on the street for every mistake that I had made

And like a baby boy I never was a man

Until I saw your blue eyes cry and I held your face in my hand

And then I fell down yelling, "Make it go away!"

Just make a smile come back and shine just like it used to be

And then she whispered, "How can you do this to me?""


Those who have stolen valor from the United States of America's Armed Forces do not know of the damages they cause to innocence whether the innocence is of the unknowing individual and/or the child(ren) involved, and/or the familial relationships thereof; yet each does have their own back history usually which including myself as to the situation regarding my own background of minimalistic tendencies, as taking credit for what is earned is simply such and not bragging though some see such as and it is simply just acknowledging the realities thereof. Within the ranks of the United States of America's Armed Forces may not have been as well known despite some other portions thereof, which those who have donned the uniform with in situations of difficulties have had the most difficult time to believe such. It has made little sense to me as to how many civilians had complained about my repetition in different discussions regarding my Psalm Sunday 2000 head injury after effects, and yet have made which comments they have made about the individuals within the United States of America's Armed Forces branches and divisions throughout military/law enforcement/fire department/EMS unless they are all of a sudden needed in comparison to simply being thankful and respectful to such individuals; as the amount of times I heard the complaints as to my repetitions, the ironic twist of them not seeing in such as to a smaller version of a different type regarding how Basic Training and AIT are for soldiers as a minimum portion yet wonder why some have their ways as their ways when back on the soil of the United States of America. It is not difficult to see such in my opinion and yet the situations regarding different jobs to which cannot always be discussed regarding my fetlife journal of The Military & BDSM Collision, as the need for clearer understanding had been needed far longer than some may have known or realized. Such understands from the knowledge as to such contracts in different ways more-so than I however know enough for such aspects thereof, while the regards of realizing how many actually could have had involvement with certain situations regarding such the final line of the lyric portion I truly wonder in multiple aspects as truly; how could you do that, to me? How could you purposefully choose to cause problems to my Medal of Honor Art Project, and why would you think to wish to be able to justify such choices?


Maybe something such as the 4th line of lyrics towards after the comma might get a few to feel thinking such, in a different way.


How could you do such to the American Flag of the United States of America, and how could you do so to the New Jersey Flag if any one of you were ever impacted personally regarding the attacks on 11 September 2001 regarding the Vancouver Washington and Portland Oregon areas? Did you not know how many people in New Jersey were impacted by such a time and events because you did not think past the New York City and Pennsylvania portions, or did you actually remember the Pentagon area and how many states are in between the New York and Pennsylvania states down to Virginia and the Carolinas down to Florida because of your only knowing the mandarin portions and instead of thinking correctly or compassionately you chose ...? Was the temper tantrum because of your white pages whether hold a paper or looking on a computer screen regarding the failure to simply ask to the symbolism additionally of the fact I grew up going to Old Tennent Presbyterian Church in which General George Washington the first President of the United States of America, had a private office and since I was in Washington state anyway; his picture is literally in the flag, and how many green trees are all around the area? Or, did other portions of such history within the United States of America not get taught in your schooling or education whenever you were growing up-ish? Did you pay attention to only New York City, or did you ever see New York state all the way up to Maine being impacted by such a proximity? Since it is known about how much is close to the oceanic waters as well as the earthquakes in the areas of Washington, Oregon, and California; was that truly a good idea and if so in your wishful thoughts if hypothetically accurate, why would you ever leave such states if you were a part of and were not scared from such realities of whatever I wrote and/or discussed while which credits of what? Though the twisted irony of who would be most upset if the information was learned of in such areas with such aspects thereof in such areas as Oregon and Washington, regarding such situations as to what was truthfully written by me and compiled of other articles and documents. Thus was the west coast then having a different metaphorical version of what the entire east coast had dealt with in person, though in comparison were the words to what was in person? How did you choose to respond, and how did you choose to react?


"Hate me today

Hate me tomorrow

Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you


Hate me in ways

Yeah, ways hard to swallow

Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you

For you

For you

For you"


I can see the three line repetition regarding since the song was discussed regarding my dead-ex-husband of the repetition being one of hate him for you as in regards of myself, one hate him for my son from his father biologically, and one hate him for my daughter from her father biologically. I had done the best I could to make sure my son and my daughter were able to have as open of a mind to get to know without the biases as to how much I had dealt with to keep them as safe as I could despite having been abandoned long before ever having explained the Vancouver Washington situation, as well as the situation regarding how as soon as my biological parents and biological sister had been upon arriving to the state of Texas, and the ways to which such situations had gone thereafter at those times which were as they were. I suppose in other aspects since my dead-ex-husband had told me when he was alive as to what my biological mother said about me and had done, what my biological sister said about me and had done, as well as what my biological father had said about me and done regarding the times he had known them and spent time with them in person including in the stolen valor uniform; to which I suppose the portions regarding his own way of letting me know as to such he had chosen and the final portions of the beginning of the official contract, as while I have care(d) about many, I had warned more than about such situations regarding such. The similar sort of confession regarding his mother Grandma Lydia (?) Nichols in Fort Worth Texas, his eldest sister Mary Evongelina (maiden last name Nichols) Osteen last known in Georgia, and his other elder sister Susan Marie (mainden last name Nichols) (first married last name with hyphen Lopez) (new married last name Sweety though do not know the spelling officially though sounds as such) in Fort Worth Texas and to what involvement they had in other regards as well as their daughters; had been a lengthy confession as to such to me, which in those regards there are the three for each except for one area regarding the daughters number counts though in an overall sort of way regarding the cousins aspects. While I knew what I needed to do upon the hatred I felt for him during the time of learning about the stolen valor in the JC Penny portrait from the Ingram Park Mall area in San Antonio Texas around October or November 2007 before the San Antonio Express News Article the following year in 2008 about the medications as well as the memorial service, the additional portions regarding how the portions regarding the need to verify and check information regarding how the beginning began was and is important.


"[Children voices:]

If you're sleeping are you dreaming

If you're dreaming are you dreaming of me?

I can't believe you actually picked me"


My son #Letters4James and my daughter #Letters4Lidia and my situations regarding the way situations had gone in whichever pathways as have gone thus far regarding the various aspects, I prefer great dreams coming true. Compared to what has gone on, I selfishly though not selfishly acknowledge such aspects as to the best of the best possibilities for myself; though humbly, as to knowing of such other aspects as to when wrongly overtly arrogant. I hope my son and my daughter have positive and great dreams regarding the better times when together as a family, though also hopefully better aspects are available in reference to the timing and what needs to be done to move forward more beneficially for myself too.


I can thankfully write and say that despite having put in the request to move through a transfer in January 2021 regarding looking outside of where I am regarding Texas, at minimum the fact I have looked at such since January 2021 and contacted about such in turn takes the proof already given regarding FSL and the Cowboys Dance Hall Stoney LaRue situations regarding the targeting and etcetera; if I were going to have left the amount of time it would have taken me to find a location to get an apartment would have been a process as per the ways which it has now, in reference to finding my house to purchase in Carrollton Texas compared to when emergency situations occurred and the requirement for the faster moves regarding the hospitalizations regarding my daughter #Letters4Lidia while taking care of my son #Letters4James as best for both and I, as possible. Due to the situations regarding my daughter at such times in 2013 the application process to an apartment in Florida in 2013 was processed though rejected wrongly because of finding identity theft problems on my credit report to which the San Antonio Police Report was a part of when finding out of such, though at such times was to be able to be closer if the situation had better worked out regarding my ex-sister-in-law Mary Evongelina Osteen and the Child Protective Services situation to assist at such times however such went as it had. After telling who had been a part of the group at the Stoney LaRue concert in March 2013 Cowboys Dance Hall situation of such and who specifically the CPS aspects had said to contact about assisting as per the legal requirements for such aspects at such times, my ex-sister-in-law's response was her response and the male's comments about the feelings regarding the one and only family vacation might be upsetting to me because of what I might remember comparatively to what occurred completely in such references which I had written about much later after having already discussed the SCUBA Diving as well as other aspects from what I could recall later on to put into more detailed writing for certain situations. Admittedly the male who was assigned to me for the NITROX SCUBA Dive almost looked like the male who was at the Boca Raton SCUBA Dive, though both seemed like brothers or cousins to the law firm for the will and trust male who I met before getting into SCUBA Diving for the aspects of the year prior in 2008 and had been upset as to how little the finances were when looking at me as well as the situation.


While he asked if I trusted him to do what was best for his clients meaning my son and my daughter, I did not personally trust such from the comments and informed him I did not trust he would do what was best for me who was the actual client for the will and trust as per the tone of voice as well as later when in Cedar Park at a Starbucks the male lawyer who met with me saying he was a lawyer who could help the CFBISD situation had asked me for a number in comparison to getting what I wanted and needed for such aspects as the portions regarding the actual care and actual well being in the short term into the long term into the longest terms possible were my actual concern in comparison to the numbers themselves as I knew the financial aspects if a settlement were to occur would not be available in the ways which were actually needed as per the legal cases I had read newspaper articles had gone as well as others who I knew who were forced to sign non-disclosure agreements against their will in order to receive such a check which was another point which I refused to be considered as acceptable as I knew my daughter was not the only one who had gone through such and my son was not the only one who had gone through such which in turn also as their Mom(my) I was not the only parental figure who had gone through such which was needing to be fixed and repaired to correctly be rectified from such prior choices and decisions for each non-disclosure agreement for a child and a teenager does not help nor assist their mental health well being; which some lawyers have learned the difficult way themselves, when they have had to speak about certain situations regarding their own children because of such legal cases associations as to the non-disclosure agreements to which the problem then arises because of their failure to allow themselves to be truthful while caring more about the paycheck in comparison to what was and is best for the child(ren). Which in turn, does such money ever actually go to the child(ren) for such who would be willing to sign a non-disclosure agreement or is such finances spent on other portions for a child which it was not intended for and/or anyone else depending upon the type of individuals who the child(ren) are being raised by. In turn such situations regarding those problems have been a problem for a longer amount of time as for example in reference to Baptist Camp Lebanon if my biological parents had received such a payoff they did not actually give me the finances officially as legally would have been required in comparison to however such chose to illegally spend such finances which in turn because of their failure to disclose such properly hypothetically would in turn mean they would have to repay their check that they used however so was done, to then deal with such additional consequences as such was not spent on me and such was not given to me as should have been though I would not doubt if such hypotheticals of such being used for my biological sister only because of how she had always been viewed in comparison to me. Again that itself would in turn violate the contract they as adults consenting had signed which would release me from any and all problems from such a hypothetical for any such type of possibility in each way of any type whatsoever, and would leave them to repay in what aspects they would have to repay for their problems caused by their failures to oblige to those pre-Psalm Sunday 2000 head injury portions thereof though also with the aspects of the after effects from my Psalm Sunday 2000 head injury would also negate any such agreement if ever, because of the medical portions thereof and the lack of truth told by such.


However they were removed from my life and need to remain as such with quite a few additional portions which includes the lack of the need to discuss anything further without the required and mandatory truth in 2013 and before, to which their choices have lead to their choices which are unnecessary to me or my son or my daughter; which if they were informed as to Brian Cantrell and such aspects though refused to properly keep my son and/or my daughter safe because of their refusal, then those problems are for those people to deal with as well as all of such consequences for such choices to choose wrongly the money over my son and my daughter as well as myself. In turn there would not be the need for me to ever have anything to do with such people including my biological sister as well as her husband's family if the aspects were explained to the non-blood before ever explaining to me, which then additionally the needless problems to the groups and communities I had been a part of as well as businesses would be their fault as to how their choices had lead to such decisions which would be the biggest disappointment in the universe to have such a truth being as such regarding my biological parents and biological sister as then they learned nothing from the time moving from New Jersey to Illinois to Texas; which at minimum I am thankful for being able to at minimum warn others who I had care(d) about, whichever ways I possibly could and whichever ways I could have such assistances to get such help in however best possible as per how other situations occurred over the years. In some ways I can see a bit of similarities to a cousin sort of aspect regarding the male from Stoney LaRue Cowboys Dance Hall to the male layer from the will and trust firm in the Dallas county area, which would have needed to have the paperwork notarized as well as the appointment scheduled into the computer with the emails corresponding and the phone calls for such hypothetically and repeating such aspects of the house I owned in Carrollton Texas and the $500,000 from the life insurance policy being the only available option for such portions to maintain if the situations had not occurred as had occurred.


I knew my son and my daughter if any finances were awarded should have been made available for them only and no one else ever unless they chose to on their own without any forced aspects from another, as I would want them to be able to properly be able to take care of themselves as best as possible while doing the best as possible for myself which if they were to and if they were to have included me in such a legal situation then how such would be regarding such finances if such were to be would be as equally as possible with a few varying degrees admittedly for the longest terms possible for the greatest thereof; while being able to help bring such awareness to others for their ability to assist and help themselves and their (grand)child(ren) as much as possible because of my refusal to sign a non-disclosure agreement for a settlement at such times and without such a requirement for such would mean the actual requirement for the ability to bring awareness as well as show ways to look at the outlined paperwork if ever needing their own legal assistance with certain portions of the paperwork as tort law books do not always give the amount of documentation to assist with the varying processes if someone cannot afford a legal expert or if legal experts chosen did not hypothetically align with such a will and trust law firm such as when I contacted lawyers in New Jersey and New York City as well as California among a few other states. Whether in reference to the CFBISD's law firm and/or the will and trust law firm if such was problematic before such a time, I am thankful to at minimum be able to give assistance where as best possible despite certain decisions needing to be made; in hopes such a choice which was not something I ever wanted to do, it was a choice which I needed to do because of the fact of so many entanglements and not knowing which ways such were going to go for each individual aspects thereof. In ways which the disappointment I felt for myself for having to make such a choice after having been silent for so many years regarding other aspects which I had not been able to get squared away previously, I was nervous about bringing such forward regarding FSL especially; as that would be the series which was the most terrifying to me, because of the amount of truth I knew I knew.


For example in the backyard after the information regarding the Baptist Camp Lebanon situation was explained regarding that situation with Brian Cantrell, I was told my childhood dog named A for short Anubis as I had called him myself and what the Navy had called him the name AWOL when they found him swimming around the swamps during the training locations scenarios in New Jersey. If his legal defense lawyer took offense because I told the truth and he threw a temper tantrum as I ripped apart the blue stress ball the closer he got to the stand because of how he was asking me the questions regarding to the truth about what occurred to me, then what a pathetic individual to be intimidated by a teenager ripping apart a blue stress ball on the stand because of what his client had actually done to me; despite the verdict I was told about by my biological mother in the car, when leaving Cary Grove one afternoon when I had learned of being given a sugar cube which I thought was candy for the coffee I was drinking and the actuality was told to me after I started having a reaction which I was not aware what such meant. In the car as I was thinking about the car battery and wondering what was going to happen to the car at such a time while not knowing what the possibilities for myself were, my biological mother repeated the words from when in the waiting area at the director's office as to how I was blamed incorrectly and wrongly for wearing a bathing suit for swimming in the lake for what occurred to me. However if that lawyer was told of what was done to me though possibly not done to Rachael then the problems which were focused in the wrong direction of who had gone through compared to who had not would of dealt with such, and then the hypothetical focus for the past several years would have been on me hypothetically compared to who actually hypothetically lied under oath as per Racheal saying she wanted attention from her dad in any way or means necessary back earlier in the week for that week of summer camp in 1996. However in turn because of how the case had gone if she did not get the treatment she wanted because she lied, then I still had to deal with the reality of what I went through plus most likely her problems not being able to cope with how her father would refuse her for lying to him about that just for attention hypothetically. If the District Attorney had seen and reported the badgering of a witness as he had gotten extremely close to the stand and purposefully did as what POTUS45 was criticized about regarding Secretary of State Hillary Clinton during the debates in 2016 for a smaller example of a view as to how that lawyer had been when if having already known as to who actually was assaulted, if that lawyer could not tell the difference between her or I then if the irony of if he admitted to such and then realized too late that the lawyer was doing the wrong choice to the wrong person; how arrogant would a lawyer as such be for doing such knowingly to the wrong person to try to get away with both instead of just the one who was not telling the truth compared to how I had been telling the truth be, for that female DA to contact the New Jersey Bar Association?


How would such view the case if he was refusing to accept responsibility for his huge mistakes hypothetically to then move to Texas upon finding out, I was in Texas? How would such be for a situation regarding how my Psalm Sunday 2000 head injury occurred, the rave and Brackenridge, the individual which when awake from the coma for less than 6 months and etcetera, my son and my daughter, SCUBA Diving, and etcetera be looked at in a hypothetical way before ever getting involved regarding the lifestyle of adult consent compared to? How would such be viewed if hypothetically be for such an individual for myself as a Female Dominant, in comparison to what he wished? How would such view other Female Dominants of whichever type if he threw a temper tantrum about the female DA who knew I had told the truth in full, and then in turn view other females in general? If that lawyer had children through a marriage and/or not through a marriage how could he ever explain to his son and/or daughter as to what levels he was willing to destroy a teenager who had been assaulted and other such aspects, to tell them anything as to how to behave? How could he ever look into any female's eyes and ever be believed as to ever being truthful without ever actually having confessed the truth himself, if hypothetically the aspect of? How could he ever live within any area nearby any portion of water regarding SCUBA Diving as well as if there was ever a situation regarding my Medal of Honor Art Project, how could he think to live in any state within the United States of America and/or treatied countries? If hypothetically accurate, and how could that type of person ever live with himself knowing he had shown his daughter(s) and/or son(s) as to what he was willing to go through and to for such especially if they themselves were children around the same age as either Rachael and/or my biological sister and/or myself; and how could he ever believe any female would ever want a relationship with that sort of set of choices and behaviour especially if only lying as would be normal for certain types of people and certain types of lawyers?


Who would ever want to actually be real friends with such an individual especially if that choice was made regarding me, my son, my daughter, and my life which would include my friends and chosen family members? Would his own family ever want to speak with him ever again, or would they shun and shame him and all of his associations ever sent for such towards such a situation on purpose knowing of the situations involved in a more fuller set of details? I doubt anyone would ever want such or ever need such from someone such as that if I were to hypothetically be correct and who of all would require the fullest amount of truth for if ever there was a wish for the slightest bit of forgiveness from me, after blatantly explaining the importance of my son and my daughter to my life as their Mom(my). If such a wish were to be simply because of one posting of mine in comparison to the entirety thereof as well as all such impacts from such a situation, how could such ever be considered as acceptable regarding the truth in comparison to a lie? If his lies went forward and Rachael's lies went forward regarding whoever she spoke with, then what would such people ever think to wish for such problems they had purposefully chosen to cause be forgivable?


Two innocent children were needlessly impacted regarding what occurred to my daughter and my son as well as my own innocence for such situations, as well as those others' innocent aspects of not having been told the truth by if such were ever to be sent because of such without the full truth thereof were causes to impacts in much larger ways to which technological aspects would be absolutely mandatory to catch such a type of predator as that would not be the only one who had done so; however that could be the one who would complain the most no matter what was done, simply because of his own failures and his own mistakes in my opinion. Then there is my own innocence which remains as such just as any non-disclosure agreement signed which would violate the ADA compliance of non-discrimination as per the after effects of my Psalm Sunday 2000 head injury especially the additional aspects of the VA regarding my son #Letters4James, my daughter #Letters4Lidia, and those with the possibility of if having signed a non-disclosure agreement to try to prevent speaking with in full honesty would in turn if a law firm and/or will and trust type of associations and/or any business company and/or political entity and/or technological portions thereof as per whoever would or could have requested/demanded such would mean they themselves as a law firm violated all ADA compliance regulations and would be hypothetically responsible for all such damages to which even including federal investigations for such a violation against more than just Constitutional Rights and Amendment violations to such a known aspect of my disabilities which would in turn mean such a payment was only illegal in certain ways regarding speaking the truth compared to if had broken other laws depending upon; which in turn would mean all such would be removed from a non-disclosure agreement which only such in reference to the known disability portions regarding the ADA (Americans with Disabilities Act) as well as Obudsman Whistleblower Protection Rights, among the Constitutional Rights and Amendment violations as well as the additional portions of however such regarding my Medal of Honor Art Project and my website as well as my artwork and my books would thus be under such a protectionary rights of and would be held unlimitedly clear of any/all possible charges as well as my son and my daughter.


I was needlessly targeted and in turn so were my son and my daughter, and it is a violation as had already been written about and documented with additional proof as to such biases as well as such problems throughout such aspects.


However such would not be the first time sadly in multiple aspects as per my upbringing and my life which hopefully the lesser problems and the major problems are no longer valid, I had to think more specifically to remember a few potions to which I had forgotten.


I had not remembered ever receiving a gift before mainly because of my after effects from my Psalm Sunday 2000 head injury which was not for a try to apologize for problems caused, which was not for a holiday, which was not for a birthday, though simply was for a just because. I am thankful for what gifts I had received aside from my son and my daughter and what they had made for me at their schools which I had kept for as long as I could, because of how much it meant and means to me because of the pure intentions of such aged children. In their times during preschool at Earth Montessori School in San Antonio, kindergarten at 2 different schools for each, first grade at the same school for each, and second grade which were different schools yet again for each were the most amount of times when the gifts from such were kept in a special place which the pieces were kept to me in a different way despite not physically having such as per my own portions of energetic aspects from my son and my daughter. I wish I could have been better regarding such during such times though I know and understand to comprehend as to having done everything I could because of the overall circumstances, surrounding each point in time. I sent people to the school for the preschool though most would not recognize me thereafter because of my hairstyle and hair color changes possibly at such times, however I had told others about such as well as other businesses for other aspects despite not necessarily realizing such at the time regarding such.


There was one male who I had met years ago during the first separation at an IHOP in San Antonio Texas around the weekend of Saint Patrick's Day in 2005 when I was with Dawn from the San Antonio Pagan Night Out community, which one male had green hair though was blond and the other male was blond though more natural with a light amount of tinting in some of his hair. I was more comfortable with the male who admittedly I cannot recall his name though he was going back to South Korea which was an irony as we discussed my fight to be emancipated to be able to join the Army branch and what I had planned for myself was to go to South Korea to get information regarding certain portions I knew of which needed clarification, which I had told him about Chili's and the male who had actually been from Korea and getting angry because of the drama ensued after Lisa had cheated on Terry with John the manager who claimed to have been something to Terry while also cheating on his wife who had given birth to John's twins and was pregnant again. Though it took 3 days before being able to tell Terry about the situation by the timing of getting to be able to tell him of such situations about Lisa that third day, he had already been left and all of his belongings he paid for were stolen wrongly by her and him. When getting to work and pulled into the office and told I should not discuss anything at work at my apartment and not knowing Lisa had actually not told John she had told Terry herself when leaving him and taking everything from the apartment, the needless blame on me was wrongfully seen throughout the Chilis because of the easy scapegoat. A male who had been born in Korea though raised in the United States of America had additionally bumped into my stomach along with other people at the Chilis to which by the time of dealing with him, I snapped and told him without knowing he was from Korea that was one of many reasons as to why Hiroshima and Nagasaki occurred and the United States of America won such and would take care of what was needed. Later telling Terry about such and laughing he told me that male was from Korea which the following day seeing him I apologized for not realizing it may have been the wrong country blamed for Hiroshima and Nagasaki because of the airplanes seen and the purchasing which some countries do without covering the design or painting the correct colors as to try to divert the blame, which he himself was surprised to learn that had to do with Japan which confused me because of the common knowledge as to the locations involved at such times during World War II and yet it stuck with me because of the knowledge of such regarding multiple aircrafts previously as well as other vehicles at times and the airspace not being as monitored as previously. However the irony of the Korea area being close to Japan and if the navigation systems went haywire and the calls were for a specific GPS coordination, are there times which the sensors have caused problems which needed realignments regarding if there ever was a consideration as to the actual beginning portions in reference to the Pearl Harbor attacks response? Why was the Korean War shortly thereafter, in comparison to the Pearl Harbor attacks and D Day, and where were which groups of countries and nations involvement during such times to which numbers per population count? With such numbers, who would have the least amount of numbers involved and why would such be in other regards to find a common thread?


I told him about being born and raised in New Jersey and re-growing up in Texas up to that point which he and I seemed to get along well as his friend with the green hair as well as the female Dawn seemed to get annoyed as to how quickly he and I had bonded, which though we went of a few date-type situations at such times; the green haired male seemingly became a green eyed monster of jealousy and envy of the male and I. We dated a little over two or three weeks before he left or went on two or three dates, which the green haired male was upset because of his friend not spending time with him in comparison to spending time with me. I remember the last date he and I had was when he went over to the jukebox in a location to play a song which he said something about being a super male, which he laughed because he had to try to explain to me something about being a super man to me which I remember I touched his face gently upon his cheek just before looking into his eyes and smiling as he pulled me in for a hug and wrapped his arms around me. At a point he told me he looked into Faeries after telling him about what happened at Excalibur Faire which Dawn was annoyed to hear me discuss such just as she was annoyed to hear the discussions at Pagan Night Out in San Antonio after the Excalibur Faire and said she did not ever want to speak with me or see me again which I told her was her choice despite the prior month of her telling me how she was in love with me when she was drunk on a 44 ounce cup full of vodka with a splash of orange juice as was explained to me, during such times and I chalked it up to her being drunk. The green haired male and Dawn had gotten along in different ways than the male and I, which seemingly was as it was as until after being outed already to my now dead-ex-husband though then the first time for such a separation before the second and final before his death where I was in a different part of the city and had not seen him in two days; though the first separation I had my own apartment on USAA Boulevard, and had told him about the patio area while showing him the sword I had picked up regarding the black Escalade SUV and the 9-1-1 phone call I made when such arrived late at night in the front office parking lot area with the fuller situation.


He looked around as we walked through my apartment and asked why I did not have any Faeries in my apartment and I laughed asking him what he meant, which he seemed a bit taken aback for a moment before asking me as to why I would respond as such. I told him I did not know there were physical representations of any Fey and even still such pieces would not hold my Faeries as they were/are specific, which he laughed at the thought while telling me he was going to send me a Faery surprise which would be the first time I had ever been told of such an idea for me as it seemed odd for the aspects regarding ever having received or to receive a gift in such a way. He laughed thinking I was telling a joke which I was serious though I did not think he knew or understood of such levels and aspects as to how such was in the overall portions of my life, and such experiences up to then. I told him I would have preferred him to be there to give me such in person instead of mailing it to me because of the meaning of such, which he seemed a bit confused as to my response at such times which he had already put his black leather jacket over my shoulders as I shuttered being cold in the city when we were out earlier which he was surprised as to my response of ever noticing. I was able to keep such a jacket though again being outed even though not in any actual relationship officially beyond taking care of my children and dealing with such aspects as to that timing, which as the Jade Wolf Coven females already outed me for being involved with the BDSM Lifestyle it would not have been a surprise regarding they and/or Dawn and/or the green haired male outing me for dating him and actually being happy with such though not forgetting how my biological mother and biological father as well as my biological sister were not intelligent enough to keep their own noses out of my business as none of it was ever their business to begin with despite what they would wish as they preferred such lies told by him and preferred the treatments I was dealing with while not caring about my son and/or my daughter in comparison to what actually was needed to properly raise children into teenagers into adults in this modern era in the correct and proper way as when as per described by my biological father about such a statement; they wished as to being more right in such regards than ever being correct, which that statement made about such would depend as to how such would essentially have gone or go.


I told him about the backyard regarding the underground pool in the backyard of the house I grew up in New Jersey which was filled up as I was told with grass clippings and only told about my dog A being buried there after what occurred before showing up to Baptist Camp Lebanon to deal with such, though I had been told about such afterwards of being blamed for being assaulted because of wearing a bathing suit in comparison. I had not ever told a lie and while I know my son and my daughter had been taught not to lie I also told them if they spoke with me in truth, the portions of which such prior lies would be discussed and the obvious repetition of how important it is to tell the truth. In such regards I told my son in person as well as my daughter in person if you tell me the truth I will believe you in truth, though you must tell me the truth because while lies occur at times with some teenagers and some children; the truth always is more important, each and every individual time. I promised them as I will always do the best I can to genuinely help in such no matter what as my son is my only son and my daughter is my only daughter, and I would help as best as I can with where I can if they are in the correct aspects of telling the truth because of being their only Mom(my). As I know how different situations sometimes get such thoughts going the truth of being their Mom(my) always has been and no legal documentation changes that as the biology is what the biology is and I am the one who raised my son and my daughter, in comparison to those who stepped in here and there over the beginning years of whenever those people chose to get involved. There are very few people who would ever have such a similar aspect as to such despite what some may have thought or assumed, as quite frankly despite how such situations occurred referring to Washington state; such feelings of such care and concern in genuine compassion had always been far more than some might have known, and again such repetition of the truth which even those without such connections of such aspects if the moment required such a discussion despite the situations overall the portions as to which the truth is still the truth whether or not known officially in certain regards as per children are children though responsibility for actions is something which unconditional love of a Mom has compared to other aspects thereof as per other such types of situations. I told Thomas Marsden's Grandpa when I was walking with him at my side while he wanted to push his own wheelchair walking with me while waiting for him to get ready as he took quite a long amount of time to prepare to go, which his Mom was also told about in person while waiting for Thomas. Though Thomas doubted the intelligence factor regarding the Air Force branch of the Untied States of America after he had been pulled out of ROTC at UTSA for multiple suicide attempts and he doubted the requirement for the Armed Forces of the United States of America, it was going to be as it was going to be for such certain choices he made which I had known him before meeting the male in IHOP with his green haired friend the weekend of Saint Patrick's Day.


In multiple referenced times I discussed and later wrote of my dog being buried there though had not thought about other aspects before such as the well in the side area of the yard to the left of the house when looking from the street which there was a thick red water one year which had pushed to the surface the way seen in Arkansas in some areas, though fully red with a darker tint almost close to my hair color though also almost as thick as the volume mixed with the hair color and other mixtures thereof to cover the entire back part of the yard from the downward fence line behind the Dogwood trees all the way up to the small mound which went along the entire middle area of the backyard beginning close to where the separation point between the vegetable garden area with the raised concrete darker grey rectangle cement solid blocks were to the location where my dog's house was where the beginning portions of the underground pool had been filled which was behind the shed portion of the garage for 5 cars which there was not one car parked in that garage. I was told about someone working at a body farm when in San Antonio Texas at Nine Lives Books, though something seemed a bit odd about the type of red liquid which poured through the ground into the backyard as the grass was much greener from the year afterwards from the seeping returning to the ground. I remember getting in trouble later for opening the well area as it was a cement octagon which I was blamed for the blood red water coming out of the ground as as a punishment for opening the well area the first time as I thought I heard someone crying, I was told to go swim in such. I was told it was iron as found in the bloodstream which had seeped upwards though I was also told at one time the property had been a fruit orchard in the 1940s and 1950s, which my biological father had specifically wanted the property because of having gone through foster care in that red house with white trim lines and a black roof with a grounding rod at the top of the house and a chimney I could not tell where it had ever lead to or why there was ever smoke which came out of the top of as knowing there was not a fireplace in that house though having heard sounds coming from the attic area and getting in trouble for jumping to get to the string which pulled down the ladder to the attic in the room once shared with at the time of my biological sister. I know in 2004 I had asked my biological father about a name Fu, which he jumped up and demanded to know where I heard the name which shortly afterwards he ripped down the above ground pool in the backyard of the San Antonio Texas house they purchased which seemed odd to me as he bought the house saying the above ground pool would be good for swimming if my biological mother would use it. When she refused to use the pool as much as he thought needed to be done, he decided to rip the walls down from the above ground pool which was less than only 1 week from the name situation as well as asking about Bok Gung and Bok Pu. If that is a bit of psychology as to responses naturally, I suppose those with such degrees could easily analyze such as not wanting the physical reminder in the line of sight when he would go outside to smoke though even still after ripping such down; he then continued to proceed to smoke his cigarettes only in the garage once the pool was removed, and he began complaining about the greenbelt as well as the apartment complex because he thought people who live in apartment complexes do not care about people who live in houses. I explained to him most people who live in apartments want to live in a house, though for whichever purposes it did not mean they did not care about people who lived in houses.


However explaining such regarding the underground pool and the red sea of water which rose from the ground into the backyard, I wondered if when I was told iron such as in blood streams that meant something different. As my dog A was chained to the area next to the underground pool unless cold outside and was brought down to the basement to wait to go outside because of the blizzard weather, only when I took him out was he allowed off of the chain as he would listen to me just the way Duke and other larger dogs listened to me despite my age at the time. I know there were times when the ground appearance changed which were similar to little bumps here and there which one year I found an earring on my way to go feed and give water to my dog as well as Sasha later on though on such a path I found one silver earring, which the female I began drawing who my biological mother said needed to have clothes drawn and colored on began shortly before finding that earring; which was extremely similar to a pair of earrings I found in the Special Art Class Education to the picture I found which again, I knew others had done the work though I knew it was important to get the correct people to see such to know there was a situation and if asked the ability to clarify though at such times was not asked. A few people made fun of me because of growing up in New Jersey and going around the east coast as a child and a teenager, to which other than ENRON I was not aware as to what many referred to regarding such comments. As I knew I saw certain spirits moving around the grounds, I had not thought much of such having seen that at Old Tennent Presbyterian Church at times and thought such was normal. I know years later to 1998 though only shortly after 11 September 2001 there was a fire in the house after the garage and shed were removed from the property, as well as the two log fence line was removed as well as a few plants; and seeing such more recently in 2020 and 2021, there has been a bit of change to such landscaping though admittedly I did not stop by to speak with though I had sent my first two books to the house among a few others' homes and businesses.


Comments


Remember, since I was either six or seven years old I have been giving warnings as to the best of my ability as to the visions I had which began when I was in second grade of Elementary school.  The first warning I gave officially as to my nightmare vision compared to my dream vision was in the year of 1988 or 1989, compared to the online writings and my books as well as my journal blog entries year timeline for the information.


If anyone is upset please direct your upset towards those who had made the choices to constantly needlessly block my warnings and/or try to explain otherwise as to their trying to curb their responsibilities, in comparison to the responsible and respectful choices as best as I could possibly do so as a child starting as to such information at the age of when I was six in 1988 or seven years old in 1989.


I made every attempt to inform as best as I possibly could, though hopefully the clarifications throughout my various books and writings as well as journal blog entries compared to the amount of people in multiple areas which I had spoken with about in person from the years of 1988 or 1989 through to 2012 more continuously before 2013. 


In the year of 2019 is when I began reviewing such details and onward through the years since 2019 more officially, however I made the attempts to give the warnings and what others' choices have been as to whatever proof thereof to who you should be speaking with as to what they told you in comparison as to the upset and anger with in comparison.


How many assistances I have made attempt towards betterment as to the clarifications from the year of 1988 or 1989 onward did it truly have to take for each to genuinely pay attention, as I have been making the best attempts to assist for the best possibilities how?

REMEMBER:

After the head injury caused a coma while I learned how to deal with the headaches, migraines, cognitive disorders, memory problems, and other medical conditions I went from College Algebra with Trigonometry & Calculus down to 2nd grade math.  Here is how logic works for someone like me::

~  It took awhile for the doctor's recommendation to use sticky notes, to help remember.

~  It took several months to realize sticky notes moved, let alone to remember to speak with the doctor.

~  After I finally remembered to ask the doctor about the note problem, notebooks were recommended.

~  When I could remember to pick up a notebook, it took a long time to learn similar to sticky notes, notebooks are not always where they were placed.

~  After I was able to organize the notebooks over several months I still had not learned notebooks are not always readily available, at the necessary time.

~  When I remembered to speak with the doctor about the notebook problem the doctor had few other suggestions, to assist memories better.

~  After several events and adding up sticky note and notebook location problems, I realized my skin goes everywhere I do.

~  Wanting my tattoos to only be for me and not for public consumption I started the ink on my legs, able to hide easier.

~  It would not be until many tattoos and several years later I would realize my memory problems were usually not as bad when wearing shorts, capri pants, or a skirt.

~  Between 3-5 years after my first tattoo I had the first tattoo completed on my arms, and my memory has slowly progressed towards an easier memory jolt.

 

 

When I say "it should not take a head injury to figure this out" it is partially in humor from personal experiences, towards understanding.

 

If I can laugh at my mistakes after recognizing and dealing with them, so can you.

 

You have the knowledge, understanding, and wisdom I lack in order to put everything together to fix the problems seen with abilities I do not have. 

Utilize the information within the blog to find genuine repairs and instead of complaining of the "hurtful" commentary, prevent the issues from reoccurring.

Then again, it should not take a head injury to figure that one out.

Do make sure to link my journal blog entry articles to yours if you refer to my works for any of your research in the slightest, for proper credit. 

 

Thank you, in advance.

REMEMBER:

After the head injury caused a coma while I learned how to deal with the headaches, migraines, cognitive disorders, memory problems, and other medical conditions I went from College Algebra with Trigonometry & Calculus down to 2nd grade math.  Here is how logic works for someone like me::

~  It took awhile for the doctor's recommendation to use sticky notes, to help remember.

~  It took several months to realize sticky notes moved, let alone to remember to speak with the doctor.

~  After I finally remembered to ask the doctor about the note problem, notebooks were recommended.

~  When I could remember to pick up a notebook, it took a long time to learn similar to sticky notes, notebooks are not always where they were placed.

~  After I was able to organize the notebooks over several months I still had not learned notebooks are not always readily available, at the necessary time.

~  When I remembered to speak with the doctor about the notebook problem the doctor had few other suggestions, to assist memories better.

~  After several events and adding up sticky note and notebook location problems, I realized my skin goes everywhere I do.

~  Wanting my tattoos to only be for me and not for public consumption I started the ink on my legs, able to hide easier.

~  It would not be until many tattoos and several years later I would realize my memory problems were usually not as bad when wearing shorts, capri pants, or a skirt.

~  Between 3-5 years after my first tattoo I had the first tattoo completed on my arms, and my memory has slowly progressed towards an easier memory jolt.

 

 

When I say "it should not take a head injury to figure this out" it is partially in humor from personal experiences, towards understanding.

 

If I can laugh at my mistakes after recognizing and dealing with them, so can you.

 

You have the knowledge, understanding, and wisdom I lack in order to put everything together to fix the problems seen with abilities I do not have. 

Utilize the information within the blog to find genuine repairs and instead of complaining of the "hurtful" commentary, prevent the issues from reoccurring.

Then again, it should not take a head injury to figure that one out.

Do make sure to link my journal blog entry articles to yours if you refer to my works for any of your research in the slightest, for proper credit. 

 

Thank you, in advance.

Model Author Susan MeeLing

It should not take a head injury to figure this out because I thought you are supposed, to be smarter.

If there are those who find such interesting enough to research further to bring forward more information in reference to the forefront for more detailed information, as usual I request the courtesy of the same which I do in reference to how I refer to articles for reference points when writing my journal blog entries; for each one used for reference starting points, to research for clearer understanding from such knowledge.

 

That is common sense, good etiquette, and good karma; whilst lifting others upward, in positive ways.

Quotes which mean a lot to me:

"The ultimate measure of an individual is not where they stand in moments of comfort and convenience, but where they stand at the time of challenge and controversy."

"We must reject the idea that every time a law is broken society is guilty, rather than the law breaker.  Freedom is never-more than one generation away, from extinction.  We do not pass freedom on through our blood stream because freedom must be fought for, protected, and handed on for the next generation to do the same."

"Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony.  Though best to be able to share in person with who matters, until that time occurs being able to see what is possible through such is a feat to notice.  One must be happy within oneself prior to being happy with another, though such can be enjoyed if living in one's own truth is as such. and then as to the capability to progress forward with another and/or others depending upon the situation(s) and individual(s)."  ~  A Quote From Me, Reverend Susan MeeLing also known as Lady Dori Belle

Me in Black Suit Prepared.JPG

If in anyway I am inaccurate about anything I have written here in this journal blog entry and/or any prior journal blog entry and/or future journal blog entry and/or factual books I wrote and/or videos I have done through my OFFICIAL YouTube Channel Reverend MeeLing, please only contact me through the contact form for the ability to clarify such details in public view fully to fix and repair to rectify the situation(s) as I do not respond to comments in my journal blogs because there thus far have not been any notifications sent to me about such from my website.


In such references if there are any inaccuracies then I will fix and repair such details on my website, as per such.


Though there are the aspects of which if you would like to speak with me in addition to possibilities of opportunities for me, the welcome aspects as to contacting me through my contact form.



If I have known you in person when in person in positive ways and/or ways which might need clarification(s) as to mature discussions, there has always been the welcome open door policy as to contacting me through my contact form if you were not given my new phone number though such is online regarding my website more recently published online as to my Website Business Phone Line: (360)-713-4937.

Thus far there has been only one who has known the contact form area to speak with me on a phone line was simple and capable to do so through, in truth.

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The Ornery PSA

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