Today is the 4th day of my challenge of 60 Days of Thanks, which I must admit ads I have spoken and written of previously about an article I read in print in the 1990s about her experiences growing up in areas with radicalized Islamic beliefs, which had been after I was sexually assaulted through molestation on my 13th birthday during sleepaway camp.
For the first time I was allowed to color my hair because of my upbringing which was modest in several ways though extremely sheltered in several ways having a #Deacon and #Trustee at the old Tennent Presbyterian Church #OTC I grew up attending as parents, which I had seen many aspects additionally by the point in time. While able to pick a shade of red within the hair color aisle in the grocery store, I found a shade in #NiceEasy which was as acceptable to my #Catholic high school as well as my biological mother. I was not enthused in the slightest as I knew what shade of red I needed and wanted to have my hair color to be and though I did not find such assortments as I preferred and had seen in various areas of #NewYorkCity, #Pittsburg, and #Philadelphia mainly in comparison to #NewJersey in a few places I spent a bit of time at; I knew I was going to get my hair color as close to the shade of red I wanted immediately, though I pondered different ways as to how.
Having been blamed for wearing a bathing-suit at camp wrongly as it was a one piece full covering swimsuit I was made fun of for at camp because of not wearing a bikini, as well as not being allowed to get eye contacts because of needing glasses which I refused to wear sports goggles so I ran without my eyeglasses in track and field as well as participated in the friends I had which they played sports and we would practice that way for their team which assisted my stamina for track and field as well. Nonetheless I had money I earned from babysitting to be able to buy a magazine and my hair color, which I had instantly noticed who I thought was #JackieJoynerKersee on the cover though on one of the magazines nearby to the YM which I had looked through previously to see where her training levels were getting to as I saw of her speed and was amazed hoping to strive to be faster too. Something seemed familiar when looking at her picture which felt as though a part of me was looking back at me from a different angle, and upon seeing her eyes I felt as though I needed to cry though could not in public because of several situations. The detectives had recently been to the house to ask me questions and as my biological parents had been in the room and I could not fully explain the situation because they kept interrupting my response to the officers, blaming me for wearing the bathing suit to go swimming wrongly claiming of enticing in comparison to calling the situation what it was. He looked as though he was in his middle thirties or so, which I think was around a 23 year age difference between.
Admittedly I had spoken at a level some did not at my age though it does not change the difference in reference to the fact at the time I was a minor, and it literally occurred on the day of my 13th birthday as the television for the movie ended after midnight. I was told the next morning before they went to pick me up from camp they found my from the age of 2 years old in my childhood dog dead in the backyard, which I was told about after telling the officials at the camp what occurred during the co-ed sleepover. Returning back to the house from the grocery store with my hair color and magazine, I was taken back and helped put stuff away in the cabinets after bringing everything else where it needed to go for my biological parents and sister to go out. I followed the hair color instructions and mixed everything together focusing my attention to the hair color I actually wanted for myself compared to what hair color shade was on the box for the reaction to my hair color shade, which I watched develop before my eyes. I was watched the entire time as I completed the mixing while hoping the shade would be as close to the shade of red I wanted, and then I was left alone once the egg timer was set.
I sat at the kitchen table with the #YM magazine to read through the pages to find where her article was and admittedly, I am usually quite adamant about going in order because of the studious nature I have always had as I pointed out I thought it was funny of the numbers for school and yet there was kindergarten and preschool. I wondered why the numbers were not put in order which aggravated me as I would crack a joke during math, which some can imagine how the teacher had spoken when I had made such a comment of a point of observation. Upon finding the article I read through the words and could not put the pages of the magazine down, as the atrocious treatment of the wrong female genital mutilation was enraging as well as heartbreaking. I re-read through that same article passing back to the beginning to study each word in each sentence in each paragraph to ensure I was reading the description correctly, and the cycle continued until I was startled when everyone returned. I was asked why the hair color was still in my hair as they had been gone for over 3 hours, and they did not leave the driveway immediately.
I remember putting the magazine down on the kitchen table and went to the bathroom to get into the shower to wash my hair thinking to myself as to how I could not complain about what occurred while acknowledging it was wrong, and knowing I needed to be stronger in each way possible to be able to protect myself while assisting where possible to protect others or at minimum help them protect themselves. Knowing what visions I was having for years up to that point it was another portion which I saw needed to be adjusted for the betterment for clearer understanding as I understood the thought had probably been to the same level of the male brisk of circumcision, yet the female body is not the same in the area as the male region. Though there are folds, the folds are extremely different and are for different purposes. Other than the cleanliness factor in reference to males there is also the travel through the birth canal which the additional skin assist to protect the area when traveling through, I thought others knew. It was enraging to think about in the timeframe of around 1996/1997/1998 such treatment of females was occurring, seeing so many advancements around me wherever I went. I was already figuring ways I could and I needed to remember that as well, which is ironic when thinking about the after effects from my Psalm Sunday 2000 head injury.
I am thankful I read that article in print to pay attention additionally to protect myself as best as I could while protecting others and/or helping them protect themselves from other situations, though also to make sure if I ever had to complain about something to make sure if such had to be done to make sure of the fullness of the validity prior to. In such I am thankful because I made sure to try to keep in mind if I chose to go through with certain portions of relationships, to make sure to limit the number of that portion because of the feelings which are attached if I go through to a certain level and the initial responses from are a determining factor as to furthered aspects if such is attained. I did not understand females and males I knew who were willing to jump into sexual intercourse in such connected ways, though then I also knew I was simply myself. I knew if I ever wanted a long term relationship in the marriage aspect both legally and spiritually for the whole aspects of the romantic love, I did know the reality as well as I knew the fact I did not want nor need to have a relationship to be myself.
I knew if I ever gave birth to children the most I wanted to deliver was 2, and I delivered my son and my daughter; not knowing the amount of labor and delivery aspects at those times in the 1990s, and was not informed of the 3 days of labor my biological mother went through for both my biological sister and I. That was cool my biological mother was able to get a cesarean after 3 days from when her water broke in the civilian sector, compared to the 7 days of labor after being admitted into the hospital after having been sent home several days in a row because I was not dilated enough because of the days prior membrane stripping because each one of my two children were two weeks late and both of their individual labor and deliveries were similar with the exception of being kept in the hospital the first time of going in only after my water broke. However in comparison it took the same amount of days before my water broke, to go to the hospital to deliver my daughter #Letters4Lidia for the next 7 days of labor before delivering naturally to be sewn up afterwards. In regards of my son #Letters4James when delivering my daughter, there was the equivalent of reopening the episiotomy from his delivery.
I really think my recent tweet in each of my 2 Twitter accounts today is befitting when thinking about taking care of my body regarding being a Dominant Gay Drag Queen Top trapped in a female's body, and/or a Dominant Gay Transgender Top born in a female's body, though definitely do not deny enjoying the Lesbian action portion thereof and in all cases appreciating the look of physical form of the female body...or just a female who is a tomboy who can get dressed up when feeling as such as needed per location gone to appropriately...I can joke, I suppose.
#LGBTQ+ = #LGBTQP = any individual consenting biological adult romantic/sexual agreed relationship though caveats in certain circumstances depending upon knowledge and understanding as a biological adult above 18 years old in my opinion
I did think a lot about the article I read in that Young and Modern issue and though I paid attention to some of the other information in the articles throughout, that particular situation in my opinion was ready to be fully repaired and fixed as best as possible and the connecting portions thereof regarding such wrongful treatments to females though in a balanced way as to continue to respect the male enhancement.
Now in 2021 compared to 1996//1997/1998 to when reading the article looking back now 25-27 years later, I am glad I knew only to make a complaint when at the needed level to while maintaining as much composure as possible during various situations just in case there was ever a need for the clearest unbiased as possible suggestions and/or help and/or assistance while keeping the number of actual specific types of interactions to a number less than 15 total. Though I do not want nor need to physically give birth to another child as I think anyone who would actually love me would prefer the levels of comfort to be a bit better comparatively to the labor and delivery among additional aspects, however I did also think truthfully as to whether or not I wanted to get involved for a marriage after what I had gone through. I remember hoping she would be able to have someone who would find her and visa versa in a relationship sort of way as I simply had many difficulties understanding how that situation had to define her permanently because of the longer term aspects as to who she inspired for the betterment of all because so many more would stem from the one who lit the match metaphorically. Admittedly back then I thought such to be ironic as open as the Hebrews I knew in the area where I was growing up along the east coast in a larger aspect, which I knew those of the Judeo-Christian religions may have had their ups and downs with prior situations though they did not harm the givers of life in the area which the givers of life give life; even in the twisted irony of the sexual assault molestation, when I was at Baptist Christian Camp in Lebanon New Jersey in the summer of 1996. Though there is not the denial of certain situations in reference to being babysat as a child from an individual when growing up the same can be said, comparatively.
Possibly an additional twisted irony of kissing a wound in a different way, right?
I am thankful for the ability to have read the article because of the Freedom of the Press, as I am thankful she shared her story for more females to read and learn betterment as well as males to read to learn what to do better for females to work and live together in balance and harmony on earth while traveling around; because of the rights many in the #ArmedForces branches of the #UnitedStatesofAmerica had fought to defend as those who established the documentations worked and continue onward for the betterment. I am thankful for the strength I saw from her overcoming and surviving such to continue onward, just as I am thankful for the journalist(s) and photographer(s) involved with the article through Young & Modern with the additional other articles throughout the pages as I am thankful for the photographers from the modeling sessions I have done in reference to my modeling known as Lady Dori/y Belle, and/or going to get family portraits taken being Mom or other than the children I gave birth to as (Reverend) Susan MeeLing and the opportunities which I did the best I could given the situations as best as possible as I continue to do so as best as I can.
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