Day 20 Countdown to 20 year memorial of 11 September 2001 by a New Jersey-ian

When I was in #WA #Washington #WashingtonState Washington state after how the situations had already gone by the time of around the year of the middle-ish portion to the end of 2014 regarding all such combined events, I had a few other situation additional pile on top of everything else which had already occurred referencing all such previously discussed as well as written about situations to which just after sending the initial portions of the first #LibraryofCongress #LoC Library of Congress paperwork my son had begun being more teenager-ish which I was already doing the best I possibly could up to such a point in time. As up to that point not many people had ever believed me in regards to a multitude of situations whether taking into consideration as to the few who believed me about where I grew up as well as what I had seen in reference to being born and raised in #NJ #NewJersey New Jersey, the after effects from as well as my Psalm Sunday 2000 head injury, the situations which had occurred which actually had lead to the #CowboysDancehall Cowboys Dance Hall situation referencing the #StoneyLaRue Stoney LaRue concert in March 2012, the visions I had regarding such nightmares and etcetera over the years and decades, and so on and so forth; to which while some had wished the portions of what I had already dealt with were not real for such situations, none could wish more than I as to those aspects thereof.

While a male online as per having already written about regarding on fetlife known as HC_Coyote or however the spelling thereof in the #Austin #AustinTX #AustinTexas #TX #Texas Austin area of Texas had been overdramatic in regards as to his problems and the Get Off My Lawn situation referencing the Kinko de Mayo situation in 2010, those portions which were overdramatic on his part which seeped further into other problematic situations in the Austin Texas and other such situations had only progressed further even though that male claimed he was better than others simply because of his ego in comparison to actually having such proof of what would ever make such for an actual genuine consideration for such portions as to such a realistic claim in ways which would be considered as something positive and worthwhile.

However in such situations those who have known how that male had been and what situations were caused thereafter such times while the problems were already as such were during those points in time from 2010 onward through, had been known to who has such details thereof for such larger aspects as to the childish and little aspects referencing the portions of the labeling in the adult consenting lifestyle community for such types of behaviours from a biological adult without any medical situations which would ever qualify under the ADA at such times in 2010. However having learned of the police report through the #APD Austin Police Department as to the timeframe after he had threatened to hit my on my head or as he wrote pat me on my head which again my hairstyle is short because of how much pain the headaches are in reference to the weight of my hair, thus while the claim of the response being considered as supposedly threatening to that male in comparison to him threatening to further worsen my physical pain levels which there was not anything which was ever said or done in my defense that I had been made aware of at such times; I dealt with as best as I could onward, as best as I could despite all of those combined situation as to only up to the point of those months in 2010 and then onward as such had continued with minimal help or assistance in person as was needed in comparison while paying for everything on my own without the financial assistances beyond my monthly payment for my disabilities from the after effects from my Psalm Sunday 2000 head injury while waiting for the house I had purchased to make a home to sell so I could pay the additional medical bills for my daughter's hospitalizations as per the medical insurance of what would be covered and what additional fees I had been told at each of the hospitals such as the $1,250 per week on top of the deductible payments at the hospital at the residential treatment facility in the #MerrillCreek Merrill Creek/#LibertyHill Liberty Hill area of Texas as per the medical records and documentations I provided for such additional proof when living in Cedar Park at the time despite the lack of belief by many who I spoke with in person at such times though within other prior posts on my website in my journal blog in conjunction with "Finding A Silver Lining By: Susan MeeLing" to hopefully assist more clear knowledge and understanding from such times when publishing such portions thereof to hopefully help my daughter's care while also hopefully assisting my son to know more for his understanding as well as hopefully help others to be able to make sense of the situations for themselves and their families.

Nonetheless as it was already known as to what I was dealing with in reference to my daughter and what help I was doing the best to get squared away for her as a first grader going into second grade in elementary school while my son was in second grade going into third grade in elementary school for those who had not known the actual grade levels of which in reference to while I had posted such for other parents to be able to educate and help themselves while doing the best I could for myself as their only living parent without any assistance of beneficial aspects as their biological father had died in 2008, by the time of 2014 at the point of which being in Washington state and the other additional portions of which having dealt with being electrocuted or zapped as I have previously explained and written about more-so more recently starting in writing around 2019; the overall combined situations with the added lack of knowledge or wording to properly explain in an orderly way as to the thoughts which were going faster than I could put in clearer sentences for such discussions as per the levels of needless additional stresses from such ostracizing and the electrical portions, I had gotten to my last straw referencing something in regards of who and how I wound up in Washington state had said, something my son had done purposefully regarding being a teenager, and the room I had been kept in at such times adding to such ostracizing in such regards. I heard something on the news which said as per being considered as a veteran as to the possibility of finding some sort of help, and I fully gave up hoping any further in that year of 2015.

There was nothing I could tangibly see which was worth what I was going through any further and while I knew the lack of ability in reference to what I could do any further in all such ways, I felt nothing short of a pure and complete failure as a Mom as well as a human being. There was nothing which made any sense to me in ways which I could actually do anything worthwhile about, the amount of time which though for some in the portions as to the linear view point might seem short though when taking into consideration of the ways which my thoughts move as to one minute feeling as a linear hour before my Psalm Sunday 2000 head injury; which in turn after my Psalm Sunday 2000 head injury ironically despite as to how other portions referencing the aspects as to other situations, one second feels as a linear hour and probably a part of what the Neurologist had explained in regards as to the portions of the neuropathways as the linear versions compared to the ways which my thoughts go. Logically to a degree I know and understand that from the timeframe of 2009 regarding my #SCUBA #SCUBADiving SCUBA Diving aspects through to the portions of what began in 2010 referencing my daughter in regards of the #FortWorthZoo #FWZoo Fort Worth Zoo though the situations having begun in regards of such in 2008 in the month of May, by the time in 2015 and referencing the seconds equaling hours for myself; the seemingly feeling of eternity as to how long such portions had been going on for such aspects, I could not think of anything further as to what to correctly do in the slightest.

Having already had to go through the legal processes of the San Antonio Family Court situation in the reference aspects to my daughter and knowing I was doing everything I possibly could for my son while trying to figure out how to take care of the situation for myself and the situations as to the zapping/electrical portions shortly after the e cigarette situation in addition to such a time, that particular either news report or commercial was the last point of which I could think of to give a try. I called as my son was talking about living with someone else compared to me because of everything I was doing wrong as per such situations and as much as I personally hate to admit I cried not only in front of my son, though additionally on the phone call to the veterans crisis line. I could not handle how much of a failure I felt as to actually break down and cry in front of my son as all I could think of was how my biological father would look at me for ever shedding a single tear as per the way I was raised in conjunction with the ways as to which when growing up in New Jersey as well as the combined aspects of going to #NYC #NewYork #NY New York City and #Pittsburg Pittsburg as well as #Philadelphia Philadelphia, which for those who actually know such portions as to the 1980s and the 1990s beyond the portions in reference to my biological father; when having been born and raised in such an area during those particular years in specific, crying is considered a massively huge weakness especially in the earshot of another human being.

To additionally have to call what is for veterans though not having graduated Basic Training or AIT and crying on the phone when knowing there were guys who could use the time on the phone comparatively who had actually completed Basic Training and AIT who had gone overseas in comparison to myself as per the ways which I had the aspects in reference to how I viewed the surgery portions, that phone call was an even bigger weakness to me because of the fact as to not having graduated Basic Training or AIT or gone overseas or done what I had originally signed up to take care of in the specific manners which I had thought as per the ways as to what I had been taught referencing more-so along the lines of my Grandpa Gavett; as to how such a viewpoint would be if he had been alive or able to hear me, as well as those who know/knew Jose/Joe Castro my babysitter's husband referencing such aspects of the emotional portions as per the ways of such times in addition referencing the northeast areas at such times of the 1980s and the 1990s. Knowing how some females use tears to get what they want and doing everything to be the opposite of such a stereotype in such additional aspects and those particular portions thereof as per because of such portions of those types of females, the stresses from such had all added up in conjunction to having reached out to as many locations of various individuals over the amount of time over such years regarding as much and as many situations as I had; there was not any possible way for me to ever look at such a time, without seeing such a large number of weaknesses within myself in all such ways. The amount of doctors, neurologists, neuropsychologists, psychologists, psychiatrists, religious counselors, lifestyle coaches, and etcetera from the time of waking up from my coma in 2000 through to such a point in time in 2015; what or who could I do or speak with, which would actually know or understand or begin to comprehend for such portions as to begin actually as to such?

I was already incapable of being a good enough Mom for my daughter and my son together and had to go through such portions as to my daughter while doing the best for my son and there it was where my son was at the point he was, and I could do nothing worthwhile for him as his Mom either as it felt to me. Then adding the portions of knowing the time being taken away from those who had been able to successfully complete such training in Basic as well as AIT, and I only felt as though I was simply being a cry baby as per what I had already been called by others to my face in various areas in the adult lifestyle communities in the various areas thereof as well as within other groups I had known in person aside from my own biological mother ironically as well as my biological sister and my biological father while as to my ex-in-laws of such portions in other references; which in turn the lack of anything worthwhile was seemingly more and more prevalent to me personally, as to which the ways as to how such portions had been seen through my eyes. In all honesty I could not stand the sight of myself when looking in the mirror to get a haircut which was and is required more frequently with shorter hairstyles, and to color my hair as well such is a mandatory portion additionally which the aspects thereof was nothing short of the sight of so many weaknesses additionally when taking a shower as per each individual dot of each individual tattoo I had to get because of the after effects from my Psalm Sunday 2000 head injury. Yet to others especially being a female and at such times, my tattoos were either looked as a fad or a fetish or anything other than what they had been intended for referencing my personal choices for myself and such reasons thereof to which while some had expressed their opinions of such disgust and shown such in realistic portions thereof as per various choices and actions; in turn seeing such ironically only showed me as to what I could have been if I had not had the Psalm Sunday 2000 head injury, and after effects thereof.

Being a female having to have short hair and the amount of people who mistook me for a male in comparison to being born as a biologically genetic female in conjunction with such other aspects, I felt the ways which others had told me they wished for me in reality of being dead though internally as so many others had told me to my face as well as in messages as to their wishes for me in comparison to their hopes of anything positive or worthwhile of such aspects and I felt nothing short of being considered as a beast in all such hideous ways thereof. Ironically with it being as cold as it is in Washington state as well as the problems referencing such zapping aspects, the requirement to wear longer pants as well as longer sleeved clothing worked for such aspects as to not have to see such, and yet at the same time backfired each day as per the need to see my tattoos to be able to assist my memory deficits and cognitive disorders; thus the largest double edged sword in the biggest proverbial aspects, to which when being alone in the shower to thus be freezing because of the water not being warm enough to actually help my skin warm up as well as the portions as to the zapping aspects as to the heater upon stepping out of the shower, there was the lack of balances in multiple ways.

Yet not really much new in such references as to the ways which the pain from turning on the air conditioner no matter what, and other such portions which I had told others over the years I had known them as to such portions of the amount of constant situations. Then adding the plants of the area looked familiar though the memories regarding from when I grew up in the northeast being confusing more-so than what had been confusing when living in the state of Texas, I could not tolerate the situations any longer which infuriated me further and I hated everything about myself as well as about my life and all such past portions thereof; with the exception of my son and my daughter, as there was nothing which ever seemed worthwhile which I had done or accomplished at any such point in time when looking over so many aspects.

So what the events of 11 September 2001 were not as bad as the way my nightmare had been in regards to being able to stop such aspects, when looking at my life circumstances? What was the big deal about my SCUBA Diving certifications or what I had done in such references, regarding any such accomplishments? Who cared about what I created, or what possibilities thereof? What was the importance of anything I had done in the multitude of ways, when I could not properly square away the smallest portions of such overall aspects regarding my son and my daughter as our family? Sure I had done other such aspects, though what was such as a big deal when taking into consideration what was/is the most important aspects as to what was/is most important to me was not good enough for them? I created, carried, and delivered my son and my daughter and could not do enough to keep them safe and do everything as a Mom for them to grow up within the home I had made as well as properly function according to what society had considered as normal in the civilian sectors of life; albeit due to circumstances in which I could not officially control and yet being a Dominant Female the portions thereof whether in the adult consenting lifestyle or in what I chose to be a part of in the other areas of life as I would guess some might notice at various times in what I had gotten involved in, to such aspects was a different portion as to which what was my own personal worth in such regards when looking at such portions? Having to actually go before a court and relinquish my parental rights as a Mom was the worst thing I ever had to go through, which believe it or not was worse than what I dealt with in the culmination of what I dealt with in reference to my son and my daughter's biological father in conjunction with the portions of what I could recall of my childhood and teenager years when growing up as per such doubling of such aspects in different ways though combined nonetheless as to how much I was blamed for what others had done incorrectly; which admittedly is my opinion as to such aspects, though nonetheless my opinion when looking at such portions.

When the irony of apologizing for when I saw what I did was incorrect and then being told of how weak that made me come across while others saying as to having not to apologize and the mixed messages thereof regarding those portions, what was it that was considered as the point of anything? What sense could I ever make of such portions and what could I do, which would ever be considered as good enough ever? Though I had said it well before ever creating the title for such books of writing such, what silver lining could I find? Literally, figuratively, and metaphorically I had appointments to have my hair pulled out as well as had to do such myself as per the ways of such pain levels at such times; as that waxing was actually less painful to have done, than allowing my hair to be the length which it had been previously to remain. The irony, I could feel my hair follicles growing in thicker which was the irony of ironies for such additional aspects for such considerations as to the physical pain levels to my headaches and migraines. Yet at the same time of knowing it takes some amount of strength to admit a weakness, it still does not change the facts as to the ways as to how I was raised and how my views had been in such regards as it was not until when going through my #BoatSCUBA #BoatSCUBADiving Boat SCUBA Diving certification course which I had ever learned it was considered as intelligent as well as helpful to when not being able to actually assist to get out of the way as of anything which actually is considered as more helpful than harmful because when you are unable to help or assist if there is a problem on a boat when out on the waters of the ocean than you are the additional cause if there is any sinking or damages.

I then shattered and made the call to the phone line and explained such portions to which the male on the other end of the hone line listened and made what recommendations were possible, though had already been attempted previously in regards of the aspects I could bring up on the phone call as per knowing I could not go into every aspect of every detail in the fullest combinations thereof due to several aspects as per other situations because of the time referencing certain portions and the clearances thereof. By legal standards for certain situations as I had explained to some individuals using the metaphors of technological aspects as to the 10 year or 15 year or 20 year or 25 year example for several aspects, I knew for certain situations I could not allow myself to break protocol standards on the phone call in the larger details of other portions to which despite not having graduated Basic Training or AIT the regards as to certain situations and the 20 year mark not having been met at such points in time or the 25 year mark of such standards meant I could not go into such larger details as I technically can at such points for certain aspects. While I will guess some would consider my Grandpa Gavett being one portion which is correct, though additionally the regards as to the aspect as to my biological mother working for Prudential and the coding portions additionally as well for such situations is another aspect as well because of what I had to assist with during such points in time during my childhood as legally by such standards I was not allowed to speak of such or write of such until 2020 as per the 15 year make when I had done the math after remembering from waking up from my coma after my Psalm Sunday 2000 head injury from 1990 which I just realized I could have officially discussed beginning in the year of 2005 however because of as I suppose my issues of having gone from College Algebra with Trigonometry with Calculus to 2nd grade math has to do with what I thought was only allowed last year.

In such aspects prior to going into further details there was a male I knew in Illinois who had liked the group the Insane Clown Posse which he had considered himself a Juggalo regarding the music portion whereas though I had purchased one of the CDs because of a few soundtracks a different individual I had known who lived nearby named Dale Horris had brought up, a male I had met from #PrearieRidge Prairie Ridge or #CaryGrove Cary Grove named Brian though I cannot recall his last name had a friend who had committed suicide which as per the ways as to facing fears in reference to the aspects of not only regarding the situations in reference to the Sugar Skulls modeling photoshoot; the male named Brian who lived in his mom and dad's basement and had friends over at random, had listened to a song by the Insane Clown Posse as per playing the CD at the time which he had not been happy to hear the song played because of a friend of his. Similarly to the individuals I had known within the state of Texas who found it difficult to believe as to not having been to concerts despite where I grew up as many knew of #MSG #MadisonSquareGarden Madison Square Garden and plenty making fun of me for being considered as a square comparatively as per what was expected from me because of being born and raised in New Jersey and few ever believing anything good could ever come out of the state of New Jersey, that male from summer school if I recall correctly as to having met during the second session because of my need to graduate high school as per the schedule I had set for myself because of my nightmare and visions had been upset if I remember the name correctly of Andy having committed suicide because of the medications he was on as per the depression portions as per the situations within the mid-west which was shortly before the #Columbine Columbine situation in #Colorado #CO Colorado which one of the males in my high school at the time had said one of his cousins had been killed in that situation.

When later I had met with Brian who was around 5 feet 10 inches or so, lighter brunette, lighter brown-ish colored eyes, some freckles on his face, semi-broad shoulders, and heavily into the beginning portions of the Juggalo scene from what I was told; had said his friend named Andy had killed himself because of a few people he had known in school bullying him and finding the music from the Insane Clown Posse to help him cope with the situations, the ways which some have said other music had assisted them with other such situations comparatively despite the other surrounding situations. When later I spoke with Brian in person and asked him where his friend had gotten his CD, Brian demanded to know why I would want to know where he had gotten the CD; as per knowing certain situations as to what some had done, regarding the bootleg versions when I was growing up in New York City mainly as to the subliminal messaging within certain CD bootlegs compared to the official released versions. Brian had gotten mad as his friends had when I had brought up such details in the basement, which was a short lived situation as per the inability to deal with the anger from such a situation as well as the lies having been told regarding such portions. I asked to see the CD which he said was from his friend who committed suicide which was made for him from Andy, which the CD had odd markings within the part where the CD was put into the CD player which infuriated Brian as well as his friends that I would mention anything being wrong with the music which I was unable to explain in words what I had meant regarding the CD itself. When pointing to where certain lines were on the tracks and had attempted to explain the record vinyl portions of some records, the males grew irate because of their thought as to bringing up the music itself compared to the CD itself and how such would play on the CD player compared to other CDs purchased in a store.

When I pointed out there were far too many lines on the CD compared to the lesser amount of lines when feeling the CD, later when they calmed down they had told me it was a CD Rom CD compared to a CD from a CD store which I had thought was odd for such aspects. When I asked if the CD could be played backwards I was laughed at despite making such an attempt regarding the CD, while asking about which medications their friend had been taking at the time as per thinking of something I remembered being told about from someone else in the New York area as well as the Pennsylvania area about certain music groups doing something within the music for certain types of effects when they were on stage as per some music companies having the software to install a different aspect which seemed odd to me when looking at Brian's CD. I left shortly after how mad they continued to get in such references as they thought I was making fun of the music in comparison to the questions I had about the CD itself, which made little sense to me as to why they would get mad about the questions about where they had gotten the CD. Prior to leaving I asked if I could listen to their version of the CD to compare to the CD I had purchased at a store, which there was a major difference not only in the sound quality of specific tracks though also in regards as to the ways which the songs switched from one song to the next. When bringing such portions up in reference to the details, that made the males angry yet again as they thought I was making fun of the music once again in comparison to asking about the CD the music was on.

While some might have a better idea as to what I was referring to back then in if I recall the year was 1998, the following time when seeing the teacher Mr. Stoner I had asked him about what his opinion had been about the CDs which were purchased in a store compared to a CD-Rom regarding music; which he had not seen what the difference could be in such comparisons, nor understood my questions regarding the CD for music compared to the CD-Rom for a computer. It made sense to me the questions I was asking and yet it made little sense to me as to how there was not one person I spoke with thereafter from such a point in time which saw what the reference was to my questions, which if there is anyone who read through my journal blog entries the possibilities of the knowledge and understanding as to what my references were regarding the oddities of the comparison of the CD and what seemed as a bootleg version on a CD-Rom to record made of vinyl and certain bands when playing the record backwards as to certain sound differences as to such different influences regarding such portions as to the impacts of the music from such while the musical portions were playing in the subliminal sort of messaging ways.

I remember having gotten in a lot of trouble with my biological father for making attempts with his records and his record player when I had learned how to do certain types of mixing when using the red and white child version of a record player, as the vinyl records which were mine compared to the vinyl records which were his not only the differences of music though what the needle did in reference to the records when I made such attempts in the middle 1980s before showing a few people what I was doing with music when in certain neighborhoods I grew up walking around when my biological father had business work in such areas regarding his watch and jewelry business. While some in those days liked what I was showing them with some of the record players as to the music, my biological father was not happy with when I would do such as well as when changing the speed of the record playing on my red and white record player when I had taken a few of his records to put onto my record player. I dealt with those situations needless to write, especially regarding those who know of such types of introductions to a switch in the nicest ways possible to put such; though regarding the rooms as to which such types of conversations occurred, and what versions of introductions thereof during such conversations.

However in reference to the phone call I had to make in regards as to what occurred in reference to the veterans crisis line which having had to admit such weaknesses at such times as well as before and after such points in time such as the reasons as to why I have been on disability for years and as the after effects from my Psalm Sunday 2000 head injury have proven as to not having been able to hold a normal job or regular employment nor having been paid for any work over such points in time in reference to any modeling or performances I have ever done, another set of reasons as to a feeling of personal failure regarding such aspects as to the lack of having seen the financial benefits which could have assisted my daughter's situation while taking care of my son and doing the best as possible for myself as best as I could despite all of the combined situations such as not only the after effects from my Psalm Sunday 2000 head injury though also additionally what occurred after SCUBA Diving where I had landed in such times and references thereof. In the regards as to that particular point in time and not one person other than Allie from my #CavernSCUBADiving #CavernSCUBA Cavern SCUBA Diving certification class ever asking me any questions in reference to my health briefly after the USS/USNS General Hoyt S. Vandenberg #Vandenberg to check as to what could have been noticed initially; the main portion she had noticed had only been in reference to my buoyancy compared to anything when on land in person, when speaking with me compared to anyone else who might have ever noticed any aspects which might have been considered as of a concern to take into consideration especially if they had known of such portions and/or noticed anything which might have been considered of concern.

In such references if there was anything which had additionally been noticed and anyone had any prior knowledge of such and had chosen not to say anything regarding any such medical recommendations as to who to speak with or to ever get checked out and not forgetting the medication aspects which most people I knew had only recommended for me to speak with the doctors to request for more medications in comparison to what I thought I needed less medications as per my discussions with my doctors; since some had thought in comparison to the medical backgrounds required to ever make any recommendations as to medications within the non-medical professional aspects and/or ever messed with such medications whether in reference to myself and/or my daughter's medications and/or anything additional to my son, those particular legalities as per if ever any such findings of those aspects through technological messaging means of any type, would be in regards as to law enforcement and #DEA DEA investigations I suppose after listening to a video on #YouTube YouTube from #VigilanceElite Vigilance Elite's episode 10 as to certain aspects which could be of additional concern to the CID investigation regarding the rave situation and Brackenridge for such portions which I had discussed with some people when I was living within the state of Texas before how I wound up in Washington state in 2013.

Again, I had seen Sam Lewis before I had seen the Lights regarding in the Killeen area and had stopped by The Sanctuary in #Dallas #DallasTX #DallasTexas Dallas Texas prior to as per descriptions in "Finding A Silver Lining By: Susan MeeLing" which had been sent to several individuals as well as the links put online briefly through the #dropbox dropbox portions because of the way I was feeling as per previously written about and described in my journal blog entry. While I had thought the portions of the possibilities for the financial aspects regarding only if there was the sales and only if the payments occurred, there is the fact of not having ever been paid for any of the modeling which I had done in reference to the Sam Lewis aspects of modeling just as per which there was not an official contract signed for such portions as to what I had chosen to do referencing the initial phases of such releases. However since the ways which some seemingly may have hypothetically been impatient and/or ever had been upset as to my choices for my books and then illegally took such choices upon themselves for their impatience and/or refusal to pay attention to details as to my way being different and allowed their greed to over take their emotions in comparison, there is the fact of the illegal portions of releasing my intellectual property and the illegal portions of using such for any medical research or any type of research without my particular permissions regarding such anti-slavery laws as well as the realities to other such legalities in reference to the #ADA ADA compliances as well as specific requirements regarding safety precautions especially after the targeting which had occurred illegally and the harassment and stalking portions as to what occurred in reference to my Medal of Honor Art Project to which such portions of the situations and not having discussed with me in person as to how such realities were required for such; the legalities thereof as per whatever ramifications are as such, however such goes regarding the responses thereof as per the situations which have proverbially surfaced and developed as per what has been noticed within various news media portions and social media regarding the water main lines as to the apartment complex as well as in downtown Austin and the snow storm which occurred after I had gone out to the east coast just shortly before the first request of information for the transfer out of that apartment complex. The wishes of some referencing other portions of in comparison to what I have needed for myself personally compared to others' wishes, are exactly as such to which others' wishes compared to my personal needs as to being where I need to be as well as the aspects of the Blue Identification Card are of importance for other regulations to pay attention to.

In the reference as to the Blue Identification Card and those who have the more well known aspects thereof regarding whatever aspects of specific employments as the average means would know what such portions would be, to which whatever the average of such means are in the overall aspects thereof for such an identification card of the clearance portions have already been brought forward in minor ways; though such average means of the Blue Identification card, has specific aspects of commanded privacy portions for the safety regulations of the Armed Forces of the United States of America to which such additional safety precautions for such individuals and what the levels of what each has for the availability to assist with the National Security of the United States of America regarding whatever portions thereof via the specific oath taken by such individuals to protect the #HomelandSecurity Homeland of the #USA United States of America from any perceived threats regarding whether such is proven after such investigations is up to the associated agencies and/or organizations and/or groups regarding such portions as to the National Security of the United States of America's homeland as well as #USArmedForces #ArmedForces Armed Forces thereof associated connections. While the term medically retired is of a specific identification card to which some have such clearances for why they have the identification card associated with being medically retired, such portions as to what is brought forward regarding such aspects as hearing such in reference to the episode 10 of Vigilance Elite; what connectionary points in such overall average regarding the combined forces thereof and the specific types, have certain protections especially because of the specialties of such training and the capabilities thereof for the specific aspects thereof for the National Security of the Homeland of the United States of America and have the equivalent of the Chief Warrant Officer rank though between the military/veteran/civilian sector in such comparison for those who know and understand to comprehend such a different ranking structure as per such explanations given to me when I had initially received such an identification card.

For clarification purposes regarding such, my ex-sister-in-law Mary Evongelina Nichols Osteen had known of such portions because of Grandpa Nichols regarding the time when that situation had occurred, to which the legalities if such portions were ever found as to the red flags which would have been set off if such was ever looked into regarding ever able to be found in the Georgia area and however such red flags began to send off such portions thereof; is a different set of legalities regarding the safety and security regarding other such protocols. Though there is an additional irony as to how my ex-sister-in-law at the times had looked with a tanner skin tone and lighter colored hair to a female I once knew in #AsherHolmesElementary #AsherHolmesElementarySchoolAsher Holmes Elementary School named Aileen and another named Crystal Celeste who had been friends with one another, which the two of their individual personalities seemingly fit into the ways my ex-sister-in-law had been acting when discussing several aspects, as the ways when they would try to explain various portions of what their parents' backgrounds were as to how such similarities seemingly came through quickly and easily for such portions. An additional irony is how many people I once knew in the state of Texas who told me they had hoped to know what I was like before my Psalm Sunday 2000 head injury and the thoughts they had were they thought the memories I had recalled at such times were only the smaller ones which I agreed though where the larger disagreements had been was where they thought I could have better memories from my childhood, I told them I knew that from the psychological points of view as to such being the better memories and the ones which I could not remember were considered suppressed memories; which those people especially in the Austin are of #Texas Texas thought I was being overdramatic and there were more positive memories, which I told those people they did not have any studies to the levels I had which meant they knew nothing about the facts I had already brought forward. I told those people the reality of which only the more positive memories were what was at such times and when they said they wanted to do things to trigger my past memories, I told them they would be responsible and then deal with anything that went wrong if they did not back off and stay out of such an aspect.

While those people thought because they were going through college that gave them any rights which I told them that meant nothing, the arguments and disagreements went as such had gone which I told those people I did not want nor need any of their opinions nor what they thought as assistance; as I told those people just because they took a beginning to Psychology class and not having taken #Psychology Psychology 101 or other associated classes, they also did not have a license which was considered as acceptable. I told those people to not get involved just as I told those people do not send anyone in my direction unless I specifically ask for such, which I told those people I had already been and was going to a Psychologist and if I thought there was any worth to going to a Psychologist differently I would make he choice to make my appointments for such and not to annoy me with any such problems additionally as I told those people they were not as intelligent as they thought of themselves to be. I told those people they were not capable of handling the situation and would only make things worse which those people thought because they thought they had an idea, I told those people even if I were to go into a larger amount of details there were doctors with far more in their backgrounds which were incapable of being able to fully process the backgrounds of my life; which I told those people to not get involved as I told those people there were psychologists which enraged me and made problems worse when having gone to such and after several appointments when I asked what if any recommendations were possible, those Psychologists said they had known of some with some aspects as to my background though not in the combination thereof.

In such I told those psychologists as well as having told those people do not bother me if you are incapable as per the ways of the aspects of my Boat SCUBA Diving certification because obviously if such was incapable to be assisted in others' combinations to not bother me in such ways, as I was and I am not willing to be anyone's guinea pig to which those types of ideas which are from prior situations; I told many individuals to back off and not bother me with such a lack of ability as they would only cause more problems instead of ever being worthwhile for such tries, as when those people could not actually help themselves there was not the ability for those people to know how to help me unless I told them what to do and only if they were intelligent enough to ask me as to specifics in various ways for the clarification aspects. While those people similarly to the psychologists in different areas including Carrollton Texas laughed thinking their degree was more valuable as per what they had to pay for their college, I told those people their piece of paper's cost did not equate to the actual value as in the ways of other degrees as when you get into Psychology to try to work on your own problems; then you are not actually helpful in my opinion, which the various psychologists thoughts their ways of which I call the fluffy bunny sort of view point were not worth anything to those who have backgrounds which those fluffy bunny approaches would ever be of any worth or of any value as there are those whose backgrounds would make their fluffy bunny attempts when they thought they were bigger, look smaller and weaker than the babies of such fluffy bunnies.

A psychologist my daughter and my son went to at the time of living in Austin a male named Sean was offended by such a comment, which I told that male the ways which he was going about his approaches were beyond incorrect that I had hoped he would be put under review and if anything was required for his full removal out from the psychological world thereof because of his inadequate ways I had hoped the sooner the better as he seemed to only think because he wrote one thin little book that made him better than he ever could be seen as such. He told me he thought I was being mean while sitting in the psychologist office as he sat in the chair, which I told him the fact he said what his feelings were meant he proved my point as to how weak of a psychologist he actually was and how his fluffy bunny ways were unhelpful for any child or teenager and definitely for any adult throughout the state of Texas whether or not they had any military associated background as such a small way to bring up his feelings when he was supposed to be intelligent enough to do anything worthwhile meant in my opinion that he had no business to ever be involved with anything in the psychological aspects of such. That male named Sean told me he knew people in the psychology aspects which I told him that sort of wording meant he truly was smaller than he had proven himself to already be when the aspects of psychology are supposed to be helpful in comparison to adding more needless problems which when he said he thought I had not gone through anything which was considered as painful compared to his past, I told him his choice to bring such portions up only repeated what I had just brought forward. I told that male named Sean who claimed he was better because of his what I call the I love mne wall of papers regarding his degree and backgrounds thereof meant nothing to many who actually had backgrounds, and those pieces of paper were seen only as flammable materials to me as well as others who actually had situations which his paper was not worth the ability to actually be helpful even for kindling to such a reference as most likely his tears had dampened the paper and would only be something which would be nothing more than a wet blanket. He jolted back offended while crossing his arms, which I told him his body language repeated my sentiments and he was nothing of worth in my opinion which I told him he would prove himself as to such worthlessness over a short amount of time. When he told me what some of his friends thought of him in the psychology aspects, I told him his friends meant nothing to me and him bringing up such aspects again repeated the little portions of himself and how his ego which was not supposed to be a part of when assisting in psychological developmental aspects as to how little use or help he would ever be with the exception of assisting to show what not to be as.

When asked what I meant, I told him that such types of problems were only of those who had nothing in their background which actually would or could be able to relate to anyone who had more in their background and his type of psychologist was probably because he was too lazy to put the work in to get a real medical degree because of whatever his mommy and daddy told him and when in the aspects of college he seemed as one of those people who could not handle when he learned his mommy and daddy thought more of him only because they had made his life compared to the rest of the world's view. I told him he seemed like the type whose mommy and daddy constantly told him they thought he was special and yet to the rest of the world he was nothing more special than a fleck of dust floating in the wind which he probably learned when he was in college by others telling him such in different ways, which in turn repeating the fact of him being lazy in comparison to ever getting a degree which he had to work for; as in my opinion just because you got a degree to help yourself in such a background of psychology in comparison to getting a degree to help yourself in business to also additionally help others, meant little worth in a larger way. I told him that his attitude as well as his wishes to be associated with bigger than who he ever could be was nothing different than the females who run around chasing the Rodeo winners of a competition and his type of personality would be and has been a problem for such in the real world regarding the assistance which he claimed he was trying to help, though realistically only wished to ever be good enough to help such people. I told him his wishes for such was not the correct reason to ever get involved with psychology and people such as him were worthless throughout the areas of the state of Texas and throughout multiple areas and fields, as I told him that his approaches to try to help children and teenagers were nothing of worth and had been the causes for the woosification of the general public because most likely in his past he met a real man who was far more capable than he could ever be which hurt his feelings and instead of taking such a situation to be better personally he probably threw a titty baby temper tantrum fit and went in the ways which usually females have gone; which in turn the woosification of the male population, because of such wishes to ever amount to anything as to such others, though not ever being good enough to do so himself.

He stomped his foot as a child does when not getting their way as he told me he could show me how important he felt he was, which I told him that was another tell tale sign as to how minimal he was always going to remain and how I hoped he would fully be removed from the gene pool permanently to not ever rejoin the population. I told him that his lack of a spine made him more weak and moveable than the piece of paper on his wall torn into multiple pieces in the breeze of the wind compared to being of anything of actual substance; which was something similar to both Aileen and Crystal when in regards to their opinions they were spewing when in Asher Holmes Elementary School because they thought because they read a book, that ever made them of anything worthwhile in such a longer term comparison for those I had told in the Austin and later in the San Antonio communities as to telling them not to push for such aspects as once they knew they would not be able to unknow such realities. There were several people such as the male Travis known online as HCCoyote who were told the same sort of aspects, which the similar sorts of responses were as to the psychologist Sean who was incapable of accepting the fact of such weaknesses within themselves and because of the inability to accept such weaknesses in themselves the lack of competency in multiple other aspects throughout life. Those who have the capability to acknowledge weaknesses of whichever type cannot go to those who are incapable of such aspects because those who are incapable of acknowledging their own weaknesses mean they are incompetent to ever assist those who they wish could be as weak as them, and thus those types of people only try to break down those who have already acknowledged such portions of their lives and are only additional causes as to why the problems of the United States of America have gotten to the points they have at the time of the beginning of the year of 2011 in my opinion.

I suppose an additional hypothetical in reference as to why I may not have thought of the timing regarding the 2005 aspect, may have to do additionally with situations regarding such portions which in turn would make sense in a different way as per that being the first official year which the full kick off referencing the timeframe of the officiality of that particular identification card as per the timing as well. While at the times from 2001 through to 2005 regarding the aspects of such timing and the situational events thereof in conjunction with the portions regarding what was the required safety for such aspects, in some ways I suppose there are abilities to see different reasons why that aspect as to explaining the Blue Identification card aspects as to such a metaphor for the aspects of the Blue Identification Card had not been written about or spoken of regarding such aspects as per the knowledge in certain areas of the Armed Forces of the United States of America; though hypothetically regarding the civilian sector and the veteran sector compared to the Active Duty/National Guard/Reserve aspects as per the situations at the times thereof in the year of 2005, such reasons can be noticed in other such ways and regards thereof as per the transition portions regarding those with such identification cards. I am aware that the retired Mustang General if I am accurate had been one who also had a Blue Identification Card, which in such aspects as to what portions involved with the timing when he was specifically called in as explained when just before meeting him as well as the situations thereof might additionally make sense to those who are in the know more-so of what that particular rank and such aspects entail in larger details at such a timeframe.

However since there were the problems furthered by the time of Kinko de Mayo regarding such portions as to HCCoyote as those who know of such situations and the references as well as the additional aspects as to how that individual had been especially with the references as to him having defended the #TNG TNG community at the time while he had been who I had referenced regarding the temper tantrum of having a blow dart gun when at the only TNG event I had gone to because of the combination of that as well as the smaller than my size female kidney situation at the same house, that individual had complained more than any female I had met in quite some time and reminded of me of the song lyrics from #KatyPerry Katy Perry of the song Hot and Cold in a multitude of ways for a more well known pop culture reference which hypothetically a few others could agree. By the way, why would someone with any background of heavily recorded portions of psychological disfunctions be allowed to get a degree in psychology to ever work on other people out of curiosity? If I am accurate, there are plenty of self-help books which do not cost the American tax payers money for such aspects to take into consideration. I wonder how many people who have gotten psychology or such related type of degrees have such a background referencing such aspects as to those portions with multiple institutions which have wasted the American tax payer finances, additionally because of being incapable to make something of themselves to further genuinely in positive ways assist to progress more in a positive direction in conjunction to those with such similarly related types of backgrounds in the multitude of ways; unless such has been utilized as a way to evaluate and review the conditions of the overall human psyche to evaluate what is of worth regarding such portions, as well as the determination required to genuinely better the situations thereof in comparison to trying to project their own internal struggles onto others in comparison to ever genuinely assisting them to find ways to heal themselves to step forwards in more positive ways.

In turn while the possibilities of such situational problems and hypotheticals thereof regarding such associated connections and aspects thereof my opinion would be similar regarding how the female Suzanne Farnsworth who had admitted she and her sister Cindy Farnsworth had been repeatedly institutionalized and had multiple personality flaws which they had gone through multiple psychologists as well as psychiatrists to try to find a root cause while additionally the aspects as to the Nine Lives Bookstore situation to which they sought further answers as they claimed, though in my opinion were only trying to find ways to justify their behaviour choices in comparison to ever actually working on themselves as the ways which to ever actually find a genuine way to accept their own weaknesses as to such portions of which is required to ever genuinely begin to work on oneself before ever being able to actually do anything beneficial to try to assist others as they claimed to have been able to do. In my opinion the fact as to how they had to accept and deal with the fact of the situations regarding what once was the cat sanctuary and the ways of how such had gone, shows the symbolism as to the reality for such levels of which in my opinion can be seen in reference as to the levels of involvement which they had required to accept the realities of what they were incapable of ever being able to do on their own due to their inadequacies and how the reference aspects of seeking others who they would manipulate to ever thinking they were more than they had not ever actually been. As both were admitted to having been told though they refused to accept the aspects of their multiple personality disorders, in such additional reference points as to such aspects for the symbolism with their cat sanctuary and other such prior patterns of behaviour; I suppose the joint efforts of being able to see such situations for the symbolic portions thereof, can be evaluated by those who hypothetically could have more knowledge and understanding as to the varied levels of the details thereof. Though those people had been told similarly to the situations referencing the people in the Austin adult consenting lifestyle community and similarly thought they could ever teach me a lesson, which I had told them if anyone was going to do any teaching of lessons it would be me teaching those people as to where their inadequacies were for them to work on fixing themselves in comparison to ever being capable to try to fix or repair anything for a long lasting aspect as they wished they had the capability of the ones not only in reference to myslef as to such patterns of behaviour.

While I had been called all sorts of names regarding such temper tantrums as toddlers trend to throw when they do not get their way during the terrible twos, I suppose such symbolic portions can additionally be seen in such regards as the time has gone on. While those people in a combined aspect of such in the references in this particular journal blog entry in conjunction with other journal blog entries have been written have wished to be able to know more in depth which in some ways they had gotten what they had asked for, the portions as to what I had told them about the overall proportions of what I have known of myself as well as my life additionally can speak of such aspects in the proverbial and literal as well as metaphorical ways. While some civilians run to the aspects of wanting the military grade aspects there are those who have such backgrounds who can easily explain why there is the differences to the military grade aspects as per the amount of associated portions of required knowledge and understanding to handle such situations to which the training involved for such portions, is not something of the civilian sector who has no clearance nor background to be able to truthfully handle the aspects thereof and the reasons as to why such portions are more along such lines in comparison in my opinion; of which I could envision military associated individuals telling civilians that they do not actually want such for themselves as I had regarding the healthcare aspects in such a reference though in other ways as to other portions thereof, I could see the regards as to military associated individuals running to stop such portions to warn the civilian sector as to such because once at a certain point thereof to such regards the ways thereof cannot be undone once the levels get passed a certain level. Just as in the Armed Forces of the United States of America the ability to adapt to such portions is one of two ways in the chaptering aspects for a combined overall simplified viewpoint thereof as you either adapt and work with in whichever ways, or the other portion to which if there is the failure to adapt as to how such portions are and go.

In reference to the 20 year memorial from the time of the 11 September 2001 attacks, while I know for a fact the realties of those who I had lost in regards just from the 1993 attack are lost to me; those who I could remember even in the smaller portions of such from those times of who or where I could remember such aspects, the strengths thereof from such lessons in time have been what has made such in the hardnesses of stronger stone when combined together for the foundational aspects in other ways which hopefully have been able to assist more to look and seek for more positive aspects in other areas of their lives for the betterment of themselves as well as others despite how such situations have been and how such portions have gone. The aspects as to which the memories which have slowly and yet quickly began to return as what I told people in the state of Texas as to what my biological mother and my biological sister had wished I would not ever go back to the northeast area of the United States of America, which in some ways there is a bit of a feeling to which the favorite ride of their regarding #Disney Disney of #ItsASmallWorld It's A Small World might not have fully had such portions of the lyrics fully surface from their subconscious as to that particular song and the situations thereof over the years in such portions of additional aspect. Whereas back in the 1990s when I had been there my issue mainly had been because of listening to my biological mother singing in the highest portion of the octaves as to the voice thereof, and yet there is admittedly an odd sense of calming when taking into consideration as to my particulars referencing where I stand in such spectrums within the adult lifestyle consenting community to which possibly I might be able to find some enjoyment from that particular song for that particular ride referencing the aspects as to the oddities thereof. In some ways, maybe just maybe it could be the happiest place on earth depending upon who you are.

I suppose in some ways there can be a satirical comment made about such a reference to the It's A Small World aspect to my book I authored, #ParoxysmSeries "Paroxysm of the Lotus Book Series: Volume Three: Celestial Chastisements By: Susan MeeLing" to which could be seen in a different way regarding the adult consenting portions as per the "Paroxysm of the Lotus Book Series: Volume Two: Portraits of Partnerships By: Susan MeeLing" to the overall aspects as to the varied portions of interpersonal relationships in some ways. Since more recently I learned of there being a Club 33, is there an idea for a possible collaboration idea in a different way you might like to contact me to discuss as per the legal requirements due to such portions as to the aspects thereof in a copyright aspect of my intellectual property rights that might be an interesting idea for such possibilities in a uniquely different way? Possibly such portions of which the situations thereof for the ways which such assistances could be for a more clear and yet shorter way to have a different viewpoint of such, in a more healthy aspect as to such portions of the adult portions in the ways to work towards a possibility as to the ways which the shortened version of songs and visuals as to such give a point of view which can assist to change the perceptions of how adult consenting lifestyle aspects can be reviewed in comparison could be taken into consideration; as it is known just because of the ways which such had been illegally leaked referencing the book portions of what I had written from what I have seen since finding such, the ways of which a collaboration would be required if that were to be something which would be needed in such references to the aspects because of the specific order which the writings flow in regards to more specifically the third book as to the additional portions of the second book as I would not be surprised if there were to be situations which there have been those who have seen different proverbial behind the scenes aspects as to how some have seen #DisneyWorld #DisneyLand Disney depending which areas such individuals had been in the areas thereof.

Though it was only one trip to Disney when I was a child for the handbell choir competition Old Tennent Presbyterian Church had been involved with, I know there are some situations which there are those who may not have seen or known of such during the times of to which those who had noticed certain aspects after those who had gone on the trip might not have put together in reference to the other aspects connected when seeing such portions in a different way as to some of the situations which began to occur to the different congregation members and the families thereof; though by the time of such occurring to others it would not be a surprise to some at this point as per having explained quite a bit, as depending upon who the situations as to such patterns of behaviours some had survived went as such situations had gone for others despite what some may have hypothetically thought regarding their viewpoints at such times if the hypotheticals are accurate which I had noticed in ways which others had not wanted to believe me in such times regarding the aspects thereof. It had been a situation which I had quickly noticed after returning to New Jersey as to the levels of situations which were going on shortly after such, though because of how few at such a time had believed me the ease for some to simply push that particular thought from their mind was simple compared to what I had noticed fairly quickly as per the terminology the sins of the father or in other aspects the mother depending upon who was reviewed in such varied aspects thereof for such a possibility to look into regarding such aspects.

While the situations referencing how the noticing as to the musical portion differences as to the time when I was a teenager in Illinois as to the ways such has had the impacts it has in the larger ways more known by law enforcement agencies, there could be a way which such a version thereof could be worked into a way which could be considered a s bit different comparatively while maintaining the family friendly portions thereof. As despite the combined situations which has occurred over the points in time of my life, there are the ways which having to work through such situations on my own which might be considered in a different perspective even though each individual has their own opinions thereof in which view points of theirs compared to the aspects of the larger overall viewpoints of such combinations as to the ways which I have had to deal with looking at such portions due to the after effects of my Psalm Sunday 2000 head injury. Such a double edged sword of the aspects thereof regarding the combinations especially when taking several portions into consideration, as while some might have wished as to what their wishes were; the lyrics of the It's A Small World do have certain reference points, to which the ironic aspects thereof can be seen more easily if read and thought about in such regards for those who do not naturally pick up such reference correlations when listening and/or seeing a music video.

It's a Small World (It's a Small World) Richard M. Sherman, Robert B. Sherman

To be read in a musical reading format such as handbells for an example:

It's a world of laughter

A world of tears It's a world of hopes And a world of fears

There's so much that we share That it's time we're aware It's a small world after all It's a small world after all It's a small world after all It's a small world after all It's a small, small world There is just one moon And one golden sun And a smile means Friendship to ev'ryone

Though the mountains divide And the oceans are wide

It's a small world after all It's a small world after all It's a small world after all It's a small world after all It's a small, small world

Source: Musixmatch Songwriters: Robert Sherman / Richard Sherman It's a Small World (It's a Small World) lyrics © Walt Disney Music Company, Wonderland Music Company Inc., Wonderland Music Company Inc

However when taking into consideration the #StephenKing Stephen King movie and book Cat's Eye as to the Smoking Cessation group portion of that book/movie, is there anyone else who had noticed any situations if they had gone to Disney and seen anything within their own lives as to certain situations knowing that Walt had dealt with a lot of situations referencing his childhood and his upbringing which he had survived? I know there are several movies which he had sought a Mom being a better role model for which the movies were begun in such ways to where the situations of the time were not as well known for the ways which some aspects had been overlooked due to different aspects to which is there a possibility of the equivalent of what was seen in the Peter Pan movie, of the lost boys though in both sides in reference to both males and females in such circumstances which might not have been taken into consideration previously as per how such situations had been brought forward by Walt back in the days and times of when first beginning the aspects of in the larger ways around the time when more Hollywood and other such broadcastings had begun? Why was it called broad-castings, when one thinks about the terminology of those years terminology for the word broad regarding such portions as well as the additional wording of casting? While some have seen psychology as a pseudoscience which in various ways which depending upon which aspects seen into in reference to the intentions, I have dealt with several who had thought of such aspects as to the after effects of my Psalm Sunday 2000 head injury though also in the reference as to my nightmare and visions over the years; which I know I cannot be the only one who has had such portions to deal with in various reference points in time, though the combined aspects being a larger portion of combinations which has been as such has been. As the original location in the #FL #Florida Florida region near the #BT #BermudaTriangle Bermuda Triangle area is well known to some, is there a reference to such to look into regarding such portions for consideration as to the energetic frequencies which could be noticed referencing such situations for some to review adding the aspects as more in specific to the movie #TheLittleMermaid The Little Mermaid in other portions as to the situations thereof the ways which the ocean cleanses in a different aspect to look into regarding such portions as to the energetic aspects?