In reference of combining all of my journals I wrote through my original #fetlife account which I will post the link at the bottom for the clarifications thereof, I am going to have the transparency brought forward as to what can be seen from the original posting dates as to the current timeframe of this day 28 November 2021 for those to see as to my original #Facebook accounts of Susan MeeLing as well as Lady Dori Belle for the additional ability to see the connection links as to what I had discussed for many years and decades in person as well as online as to such factors as best as I could as to the circumstances. Possibly such details will assist to make sense, in the comparisons thereof as to the amounts of details though in addition I do not pretend or hide myself from my truth which others should realize it is important to be honest and truthful in many more ways than just in one or two moments as it is imperative to be more capable to recognize the truth in such aspects of life for far more than some might have realized despite all of my warnings as to what I knew to bring forward to assist as best as possible.
I will begin with posting my newer updated journals from my original account and work backwards as to the irony I noticed. There will be plenty to read in the ways of, whether or not you choose to venture into the areas of the website fetlife.
Posted on 16 February 2013 with a few additional comments on 28 November 2021 in the posting of for the clarifications compared to prior posts as to the combining factors as to the points made after the link as to the defining area as to the link for the comments below as to the additions, as best as I could bring such forward.
All Forms of Relationships: from acquaintances to/and/or friends to/and/or more...(involving me)...
To all M/males & F/females that It May Concern;
Before I get to the point of this Journal Entry, a bit of a rant...nothing new...right...?...
;-P
As I have called and been told how I am "narcissistic" for writing all of my Journal Entries, that I have posted, because everything I have written on my page; has "been seen by other people as egotistical," because of what I choose to write about, on my page.
Personally, (laughing as I start this) if one is to say that I am vain because I decide to write on my page, in my journal area, about my thoughts/opinions/feelings...well...I guess...I will just continue with the "trend" of "my conceitedness" and my "self-centered nature..."
...I mean...Why should I change that now?
;-P
LOL
If Journal Entries were not meant for expressing the person's personal views towards something, or they are "bitching" about whatever topic they so choose on their page...
...personally...I did not know that any one person who needed permission from any other entity for what is posted on one's own page of Journals - unless it is outside the realms of TOS...really...there should not be an issue...
However...for some...apparently...they have their magazine subscriptions that they personally need to deal with, which no one else can help them unless they are willing to help themselves grow to get better.
...sigh...
Oh well, for them and all who think that way...
...because...well...IF me writing Journals about any topic that I have an opinion/thoughts/feelings towards is "narcissistic"...then...I would guess anyone who has ever written on their profile page about who they are and what they are associated with or what that person so chooses to put about themselves in their profile...that would make that person just as narcissistic by that definition...right???
;-P
Or am I *"too ignorant because of my head injury/[insert whatever problem one has with or about me here]?
;-P
As I said...which I guess IS in a way, "being egotistical"...maybe...I am going to write what I want on my profile page; I am going to write what I want in my Journals; I am going to comment wherever I please and however I think is appropriate for my thoughts; and...well...I am basically...just going to do as I please; within the limits of the laws and contracts that I have subscribed to...
...and...well...that is about it...
...so...nothing has really changed in that arena...or will...so...yeah...it is what it is...
So...without further a'du, as I think that my self-centered ass has rambled on enough, about the above...probably going over-board in some ways...but...eh...
So, I will now and finally get to what this Journal Entry of mine is about, on my page.
My Personal Opinions About Different Forms of Relationships; Between F/females & M/males; in a Variety of Degrees:
...before I start on...my disclaimer...
First, the question is: Who am I, of all people; to write anything about any type of relationship? Whether it is vanilla or BDSM, related?
Well...in all honesty...I am a "nobody," in any way, shape, or form.
Personally, my experiences, and lack there of, do not qualify me at all to ever give any sort of "relationship" advice...however...this is not advice...this IS the way that I personally view different relationships; and no one, under any circumstances, has any obligation to agree or believe a word that is written; here, or anywhere I write/post, for that matter.
The next question: What experiences DO I; of all people; who is a nobody; actually have?
Well...(if one wishes to call it THAT) I was 'married' for 7+ years...I have been involved with the BDSM Lifestyle Scene since 2004, in a variety of cities and states (though other state experiences came before AND after my initial and FULL exposure to the Kink Scene); though I am EXTREMELY particular about whom I play with, privately OR publicly, I have had over a handful or two of play partners (with and without sexual contact) and I have had about 3-5 actual D/s with boyfriend/girlfriend sort of attachment; throughout my few years of first actually and fully joining the BDSM Lifestyle
Public Scene, in 2004; and a other things here and there, as well...
HOWEVER...
Even though, if one wishes to call the above "experiences"; at the same time I fully and completely admit; that I have many areas that I lack any experience at all, within the vanilla and/or BDSM realms.
Though it is important to remember, and at the same exact time; I despise and loathe every single thing about it...one must remember that I had a TBI in the Army, at 17 years old...and after I awoke from my coma, it was then that all had noticed and realized that a large percentage of my memories were completely GONE, and some have not ever returned...
With the head injury; it changed a lot about me and who I was...because I did not KNOW who I was...at all...one could have told me that blue was actually orange, and I would have believed it; when I first came out of my coma. Knowing that, because so much of my memory has been destroyed; I have very few memories of any relationships that I have had with people before the injury occurred...as well as after the injury, as well.
So...all in all...that is pretty much my "experiences" and lack there of experiences, that I do and do not have...
I have laid it all out as to what I am not and what I partially am...I guess..."narcissistically"
;-P
...I am what I am; and I am not what I am not...
Now that what I do have/lack in experiences with relationships; the following are as I stated above, in red; My Personal Opinions About Different Forms of Relationships; Between F/females & M/males; in a Variety of Degrees:
...mine...and no one else's...possibly...
...
* TOPIC #1: F/female and M/male Friendships...well...ANY sort of Friendship...honestly...
In my opinion, once again, before I go on to my different points; these stated below in regards to M/male and F/female friendships, in not only relevant, in my eyes for BDSM Life, but for vanilla life as well.
Point One: Honesty, open communication, and truthfulness; at all times...
Though this should be self-explanatory; one would think; some need to be made clear of all expectations, with this part.
I do not see any point in lying or hiding oneself from someone who is considered a "true friend" to me. In return, I would think...or maybe that is MY problem, that I think; that one would be just as open with me as I am with T/them.
Now...granted...I also do not see the point in hiding who I truly am...from anyone...but at the same time; not all are able to be as forth coming with T/their BDSM/sexual Lifestyle, as I am allowed the freedom of.
That being said; with me being as open as I am about who I am and all about me; I expect anyone who is a "true friend to me" would be the same in return, with T/themselves and T/their friendship with me; for there should be nothing to hide...
Point Two: Attraction...
This part, is a little bit more difficult. As one may be attracted to the other and it is not reciprocated; the hope for true friendship remains the same, for me.
I would hope that whether or not the attraction was mutual, or even possible to accommodate; I would hope that T/those who are still interested in pursuing a friendship with me, would still be Point One, with me, at all times; just as I would be with T/them, in return.
Point Three: Time...
Yes, this is an important one for me, as well as all above; in my personal opinion.
If one does not spend "REAL time" with me; meaning: outside of whatever situation(s) that we have met at; whether it be through text/phone/personal messages/spending physical time in the same place outside of the "normal realm of which we know each other"/etc...
...if one does NOT do that/continue to keep lines open between us/spend time together/whatever...then one cannot consider themselves a "true friend" since there has been no further connection made between us, outside of where we know one another from...
As I said, texts/calls/personal messages/physical time spent together outside of the original meeting place(s)/and so on...THAT is how one can/will start a "friendship" with me.
Point Four: Sharing...
Now, I do not mean, in order to "be friends" we have to "share" partners/toys/homes/clothing/etc in order to be friends...
;-P
...dirrrty minded people...shame on you...
;-P
What I mean by when I say that Point Four is "Sharing"; I mean in the aspect of sharing who one is genuinely and truly within themselves, with me.
~ share with me, your thoughts...
~ share with me, your opinions...
~ share with me, your feelings...
~ share with me, your experiences...
~ share with me, who you are...
~ share with me, where you have been...
~ share with me, where you would like to go/where and what you want to see yourself doing in the next week/month/year/decade/etc...
~ share with me, what you do and do not like...appreciate...enjoy...
~ share with me, everything...
As one genuinely and honestly shares with me...I will share just as much with them and in the same manner...
* TOPIC #2: BDSM Lifestyle and/or Romantic and/or D/s Relationships...which...once again...pertains not just to M/males' and F/females' relationship together...but, since I am Pan-Sexual; it applies to any form, for me...
Point One: Every single bit of TOPIC #1...
In my opinion, and with me;
~ I personally cannot and WILL NOT have a sort of relationship in a D/s sense or in a romantic sense, or in a BDSM Lifestyle sense, or in ANY sense...for that matter...should TOPIC #1 and all of the sub-points not be followed, at all times...
...with all of that being pointed out for the absolutely #1 thing for me, when wanting anything further than just a friendship with me...we shall move onto...
Point Two: I flat out want to be the Number 1 Priority in your life...(minus job (depending)/children, of course)...
If I am willing to get involved in any form of relationship with anyone that is beyond just a friendship; ad it has formed into a BDSM and/or romantic relationship; I DEMAND that I am put above all else.
AND BY THE WAY...
Point Two:
...if we have been "true friends" or acquaintances or had some form of relationship before starting the "New Form of Relationship Between Us"; then I expect that it is completely understood that I want to be and I will be the center of your world...if not...don't bother wasting my time...I do not want and I do not deserve anything less, than what I want/need/desire for my relationships...
With the above included; I also expect that I will be put ABOVE any other person that is interested in my "partner", in every single way, shape, and form...
So...basically...if I am put in second place or I am "dropped" for a new piece of hot ass...whether that particular relationship with that new person works out in favor or not...there will NEVER be any sort of trust that could be built back up to even thinking a "friendship" could EVER be possible, again...for you have shown your true colors as to not honestly wanting me to begin with as well as only using me for whatever reason of you not being able to handle being without someone romantically in your life...because of whatever issues YOU have...
Point Three: Just as I will accept you for who you are; I expect the same in return, where I am accepted for who I am...
With this point, I have no problem coming out and putting everything out on the line when I say that, if one is to become involved with me in any form beyond a "friendship" or "being acquaintances"...well...hell...even with true friendship with me...; then one MUST understand:
~ I am who I am now...
~ I am going to become that which I strive for...as best as I can...
~ I have my preferences, just as you have yours; and so long as my preferences are respected and lines are not crossed over...the same will be returned to you...
~ I say what I mean and I mean what I say...period and end of story.
~ I walk the talk that I say...and I always will strive to do as I say, versus telling others to do what I say and not what I do...
~ I expect you and I are to be partners before being anything else, if romantically involved; unless one is a submissive/slave to me...then (possible) re-negotiation will take place...
~ I expect you to say what you mean and to mean what you say...and then actually DO IT...though in a non harming and positive way of moving forward towards actually assisting and helping in the correct ways in comparison to overtly emotional and/or overdramatic and or mistreatment sorts of ways as I actually have needed to the more positive aspects of life in comparisons to what has been dealt with as to such levels of proof as to the ways as to the after effects of my Psalm Sunday 2000 head injury in the comparisons as to what has been assumed as I guesstimate as to such factors...what is it to actually get the help I need in the ways which I know are for my best interests?
~ I have my weaknesses...you have your weaknesses...if together...we SHOULD work with our weaknesses together to find where the other's strengths are; so we can have a better relationship together...
* TOPIC #3: In Summary...
There will not be any specific points made, in this part of my Outline in my Journal...
All in all, what and who I am at the core, when it comes to any form of "relationship" beyond just me seeing someone in the same place, at the same Conference/party/event/munch/Dive/Gardening Expedition/trip/etc...the above is ~ ...what I look for; ~ ...what I want; ~ ...what I desire; and ~ ...what I need...
* ...let alone the fact; that is what I DESERVE...
To A/all who have finished and/or have skimmed through this Journal of mine;
I thank Y/you for Y/your time and I wish Y/you the brightest of blessings and while I am certain there are others who have like-minded thoughts and opinions, the aspects of are what they are.
Respectfully and Sincerely,
Lady Dori Belle AKA Reverend Susan MeeLing AKA several other names though simply just me as in the references as to such claims in comparison to the proof of such works, what is the actual definition of narcissism compared to the realities of what areas I have worked to assist as best as possible for the betterment...
www. fetlife .com/users/484330/posts/1416216
For as many who had told me their degrees were of importance as well as their views as to the instructional aspects as to such different situations comparatively, I wonder which would be considered as actual narcissism in comparison to bringing forward truth as to having the ability to assist others as to reviewing their own personal lives as to whichever possibilities as to the connections as to the proverbial portions in the comparisons thereof as to being capable to relate to the discussions thereof as to such points in time throughout life.
Thus in the truthful aspects as to the definition of a narcissist is to only propel themselves forward in such regards, would I truly be considered as one or would the reality of the definition actually be of the opposite to such aspects as to the actual definition thereof?
According to dictionary.com
narcissism
[ nahr-suh-siz-em ]SHOW IPA
See synonyms for: narcissism / narcissistic / narcissist / narcistic on Thesaurus.com 📓 High School Level
noun
inordinate fascination with oneself; excessive self-love; vanity. Psychiatry. narcissistic personality disorder. Psychoanalysis. erotic gratification derived from admiration of one's own physical or mental attributes, being a normal condition at the infantile level of personality development.
According to Merriam-Webster.com
Full Definition of narcissistic : of, relating to, or characterized by narcissism: such asa: extremely self-centered with an exaggerated sense of self-importance : marked by or characteristic of excessive admiration of or infatuation with oneselfa narcissistic personalityHe was a very narcissistic man, not too concerned with the world.— Oliver SacksBut
when a mother's narcissistic needs are so great that she cannot relate to her child as he really is, she loves her child as a self-object—that is, as someone put on this earth to meet her needs.— Sue Erikson Bloland— see also NARCISSISTIC PERSONALITY DISORDER
b: displaying or marked by excessive concern with one's own physical appearance… she describes the bind created for women by the judgment that a woman preoccupied with her looks is narcissistic and a woman who is not is unfeminine.— Carol Gilligan
Our narcissistic culture has turned us into a nation of body-image "junkies" using everything in our power to carve, reshape, remold, and recast our bodies' natural shapes and processes so that they are better fitted to our desires.— Andrew Kimbrell
Synonyms & Antonyms for narcissistic
Synonyms
egocentric,
egoistic
(also egoistical),
egomaniacal,
egotistic
(or egotistical),
self-absorbed,
self-centered,
self-concerned,
self-infatuated,
self-interested,
self-involved,
self-loving,
self-obsessed,
self-oriented,
self-preoccupied,
self-regarding,
self-seeking,
self-serving,
selfish,
solipsistic
Antonyms
self-forgetful,
self-forgetting,
selfless,
unselfish
Since the reality as to knowing the facts as to I am but one person throughout the entire world and comprehending as to my website is only one throughout the entirety of the aspects to the internet, that view as to such prior claims before I would guesstimate might have a different reality to actually see in such references comparatively as facts are different to opinions of others if correct as to such when only based in biases compared to facts proven if understanding the definition clearly.
Though would it be considered as narcissist to be honest and open, or would it be considered narcissist to hide and do whatever it is that the attention seeking would be to such aspects of what would or could be considered for such aspects thereof as for the most amount of time I only knew the Narcissus plant as to the Daffodil flower as a female I met in the Jade Wolf Coven had to explain to me what that term actually was in comparison to gardening though ironically she did have blond-yellowish hair and she was kind of a massively huge hippy in comparison so...
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