In reference of combining all of my journals I wrote through my original #fetlife account which I will post the link at the bottom for the clarifications thereof, I am going to have the transparency brought forward as to what can be seen from the original posting dates as to the current timeframe of this day 28 November 2021 for those to see as to my original #Facebook accounts of Susan MeeLing as well as Lady Dori Belle for the additional ability to see the connection links as to what I had discussed for many years and decades in person as well as online as to such factors as best as I could as to the circumstances. Possibly such details will assist to make sense, in the comparisons thereof as to the amounts of details though in addition I do not pretend or hide myself from my truth which others should realize it is important to be honest and truthful in many more ways than just in one or two moments as it is imperative to be more capable to recognize the truth in such aspects of life for far more than some might have realized despite all of my warnings as to what I knew to bring forward to assist as best as possible.
I will begin with posting my newer updated journals from my original account and work backwards as to the irony I noticed. There will be plenty to read in the ways of, whether or not you choose to venture into the areas of the website fetlife.
Posted on 2 September 2020
A bit to digest, to put mildly
Now that I have fully been back in the state of Texas for quite some time, there have only been a few locations I have been able to go attend before the closing down of the state of Texas due to the COVID masking problems. However and far aside from that set of excuses in various ways, I feel like writing something outside the realms of my particular website; not that I have not ever known that one could find another social media account easily, however more along the lines because of certain situations which have popped up more recently which has been a bit of an annoying factor.
First aside and away from the fact of how I wound up in Washington state after explaining to countless people of how I fought to stay in the state of Texas against my now dead-ex-husband of which who I did not see for two days and was in a different part of the city when he died, I do not think people understood that I meant I literally fought him when he was alive to stay in the state of Texas. While some thought I was joking, that was not a joke in any way in the slightest. The conversation I dealt with over the course of multiple weeks at random times, I did not nor do I find funny; though there were multiple females in the lifestyle who laughed in my face, thinking it was hilarious of how I had to fight to stay in the state of Texas. Though I had been officially introduced to the BDSM lifestyle in 2004, my now dead-ex-husband had not been a part of the lifestyle scene ever; and even back when I initially got involved back then, I learned extremely quickly I am not a submissive nor a masochist. I learned extremely quickly as did the others in the scene I was involved in that I am a Dominant Sadist; later learning also that I am a Leatherworman, thus a Dominant Leatherwoman Sadist. Those who knew me back in 2004 through 2005 knew there was no doubt of my Dominance, though the Sadist and Leatherwoman aspect did not fully come out just yet back then. Thus looking back to the times of 2008 through to 2013 and the amount of individuals who had laughed in my face about such in reference of my dead-ex-husband, I am quite disgusted by such behaviors. However looking back it also disgusts me that while females whether they were submissive or Dominant or whatever label thereof, whether the males I spoke with were of whatever labels of they had far more understanding than any of the females I spoke with at the time with the except of a select few females.
Those who knew back from 2010 through to 2013 of what I was dealing with in reference of my daughter, my son, and the situations at the school and the school district there were a few select groups. Those of all of the places I would attend of the events of would either go into the category of understanding whether because of their own childhood and/or their own children and/or their job profession, or they would go in the category of not having any way to understand or know what I was discussing because they were lucky enough to have parents who actually cared about them and bought their way out of trouble while also being in college despite I was college age though could not get into college though would be talked down to because my SCUBA Diving certifications apparently were not considered good enough to them, or the other category had been of indifference and/or apathy. In the third group I suppose such had either been because they did not see how such could ever affect or impact them, or they seemingly did not ever have a job employment which would ever be of such a concern at the time, or some other aspect which they did not think such could ever impact them or anyone they actually cared about.
As the situations became more stressful for me and not only because of what was occurring in reference of my children though also because of the threats I was receiving, the constant offers to become a Professional Dominatrix which I do not and did not have a problem with others' choice to be involved with such though did not understand why it was considered acceptable for others to label me though when it was the other way around then they felt they had a right to be offended while they told me I did not have a right to be offended by their labeling, and so on and so forth; of which I did actually show people the messages I received at the times of from 2010 through to 2012, though those people told me they thought I was overreacting to being told I 'would be singled out, targeted, kidnapped, and kept at the foot of my captures bed and no one would go looking for me or realize until that time was too late for anyone to know what occurred.'
Well after my last event in the San Antonio Texas scene, ironically such in some ways had occurred. I was unable to travel to the events further away as Dallas, Austin, and such were a bit of a ways from San Antonio and with what I was dealing with in reference to my children I would only allow myself to go as far as San Marcos at the time. When the proverbial s**t hit the fan and I knew I needed to just relax the only thing I could think of, was to attend a country music concert if it was possible to find. I looked online and the only place within a 2 hour drive which had a concert for country music, was the Stoney LaRue concert in March of 2013. There I did accidentally end of meeting Stoney LaRue which is a funny thing that happened realistically, though it would not be for several years until that made sense that I actually met him and spoke with him. I know I wrote about what occurred, though it did not fully sink in of actually meeting him face to face that night until much later. That probably has to do with the cognitive disorder and/or memory deficits from my Psalm Sunday 2000 head injury after effects; another aspect which multiple individuals I knew at the times of when in Texas before winding up in Washington state, that many did not want to believe at the times I knew them. Again there were those who could easily see and understand through knowing of such, then there were those who thought I was joking around when it was reality and is reality for me.
At the concert I went to alone there was a point which a group of people encircled me, would not leave me alone throughout the night, and then I defended the San Antonio Police Officers who ironically were called in to assist one of the males in the group who had gone after me as the bouncers knew I was born and raised in New Jersey and I look as I do; and the beginning portions of people doing certain things to cause problems, had begun shortly before in a bigger way. At minimum, I guesstimate. The beginning started with the male who yelled at the San Antonio Police Officers was when he saw me on my cellphone, and asked me 'are you waiting for a text from someone who isn't going to show up for you?' I admit at that time I did not know about hacking nor stalking, though I also admit I instantly thought of 3 different males I once knew and had been involved with before the situation continued onward as it had. Thus afterwards I attempted to do a one night stand sort of thing, though that did not work for me and how I am; which also not forgetting the memory deficits in reference of being able to remember such, to begin with. That male and I talked and since I cannot tell a lie when he and I went to IHOP before going to his apartment, I told him about my involvement within the BDSM lifestyle as he told me that he graduated from the Air Force Officer School at Lackland Air Force Base. I was in the Army, I was not in the Air Force; I went to Basic Training though did not graduate, as my head injury happened during Basic Training because I pissed off one of the Drill Sergeants. After what was not a one night stand, he started asking me about the events I attended and I showed him my fetlife profile on my laptop as I was dealing with the latter portions of the aspects in reference to what occurred in regards of my daughter and my son at the school and the district involvement.
That male was mainly interested in looking at the writings and the pictures on my fetlife profile and laughed at the memes I had, while also looking at the prior events I had been to as the schedule of prior events was very much were still able to be seen; though I also had a paid membership which I think that might have elongated the timing of such sort of information, though it has been years since going to events and registering for such so I would guesstimate the caretakers at fetlife know what that list information would have been. Since I had and am not able to ever tell a lie because of my Psalm Sunday 2000 head injury though realistically could not because of many reasons before my head injury after effects, though I did not name names and though I did not say anything beyond "I know a guy" along with "I've been to a place here and there" as I did keep it as discreet as possible when discussing; there was a point which I introduced that male to people who are like family to me before an event, and later another time while my son was at a sleepover; as that male and I went to Dallas and attended an event, at the Sanctuary. Just when I was going to discuss somethings with some guys who are like family to me there, a helicopter flew overhead when a train sounded off and sirens for multiple vehicles ran through nearby with the echoing sounds. Of each group discussed in reference of my fetlife profile at the time the only group he had absolutely no questions or comments about, had been the ClubFEM group. The only thing I can remember him saying when seeing the ClubFEM group, was him stating his aunt in Houston had gotten him the ability to go to Officer School at Lackland Air Force Base after getting back to the state of Texas from Iowa when working a contracting job there for communication lines.
Looking back now I do not think it was only the sounds which elevated my pain levels as I know there have been times when my pain levels are elevated because of certain energetic aspects which I pick up, and that is a whole other ball of wax entirely of what occurs there. A quick pause to continue in a moment is when I was in Washington state I felt something wrong and I needed to lay down because of some energy I felt after going to the grocery store and it was not the electrocution I was dealing with, of which when I woke up I was lying in a pool of sweat though freezing cold. I had a dream during that time where I saw some college student age people switching helmets off of motorcycles and putting them on other motorcycles while also moving the braided leathers from one motorcycle to another motorcycle before a shooting inside of an older looking saloon type bar. In my dream my metal-ized looking wings came out from my back as I flew in front of a male and covered him after talking with him briefly, though other wings which covered other guys when the shooting began. After waking up from my dream which I had seen so much blood all over the place and so many bodies scattered around as I saw those same college age type students laughing across the way while hiding (if facing the saloon and that being 12 o'clock would be at 7 to 8 o'clock for a reference point if really occurred), I absolutely saturated the couch I was laying in with pure sweat though it did not seem like sweat though I thought it was. There was not the salty sort of scent from such, it seemed as though to be pure water. As soon as I cleaned up in the shower, the water had evaporated though my clothes were still drenched. Shortly after that, there was a problem with the washing machine in the apartment complex. When in the shower I noticed I had small little dots all over my back before I turned the water on, and if it were not for the fact my skin was still in tact I would have thought my skin looked similar to Swiss cheese. It took me awhile to recuperate from that dream, though I have had other dreams which when waking up similarly though different events of which had different aspects which covered my skin in different ways.
That is a whole other ball of wax, in each individual aspect; though I will give one other example, which truly stands out to this day. In my dream somewhere in 2010 I was walking around a hotel checking in, and I saw this male who was extremely good looking along with a group of males who were good looking as well; though they all had beards, and were all wearing blacked out gear that looked similar to BDUs. The one male who caught my attention was dressed in a business suit at the time I saw him in the lobby and we smiled at each other, as we walked by one another and I went to check in to get a key to a room. As I went to a black SUV type car and went to put my belongings into the hotel room, I decided to get something from a local restaurant and when the doors to the elevator opened there was the male I saw in the lobby; though he was wearing BDUs of the Marine Corps type which I recognized the octagon cover sticking out from a pocket on his leg, and as I looked I saw a vase on a table against the wall with a mirror behind with a doilie decorative cloth on the mahogany wooden table.
All of a sudden in the dream there were explosions and my wings popped out of my back as I jumped on top of that male, though my purse with all of the makeup in it covered from my knees down and my wings were singed from just above my knees down. In my dream I put a piece of wood into the male's mouth telling him to be quiet and I would go, to get him help. In the dream it took awhile before my wings changed to a faster pair of wings and I pounded on the door where the guys were who were in the blacked out BDU style clothing and I tapped on the biggest guy's chest telling him, *"they needed to move out now! I can only keep him hidden, for so long! Move!" I flew past that guys and pointed to a spot on a map furiously and that male looked at me before looking at the point on the map, nodded to the guys he was with in the room, they grabbed bags, and they went along their way. In the dream I flew back to where the first male I discussed the cutie patootie Marine and told them the guys were on their way, to then throw something off to the distance for the enemy was getting closer and they went in that direction instead of getting closer to the one I was covering. Once the other guys showed up to get the one I was keeping quiet arrived, I woke up similarly to the way I had when in Washington state; completely covered in sweat though not sweat, and shortly afterward the washing machine and dryer broke. At that time, I chalked it up to my problems with technology.
Back to the point of the post in reference of the aspects of the one night stand that turned out to not be a one night stand, which the next thing I remember in greater detail was that male telling me he noticed my mood was better when I smoked MMJ in comparison the the medications I had been prescribed; which was different than every other person I had been involved in a relationship with who told me I needed more prescriptions with the exception of 3 males, ironically the same 3 I thought of the night the group encircled me and would not leave me alone during the Stoney LaRue concert. Though I was speaking with some people still at the time anytime I went to bring up something about the male I had met, he would come into the room and in certain references there was a look in his eyes which reminded me of my now dead-ex-husband just before a conversation would occur. In such looking back now how that particular relationship ended where he pushed me into the wall and I bounced off of the washing machine in the laundry room which was after telling me he had multiple firearms which I knew of before the time in Arizona though thought they were in storage in Arizona, I had learned they were not in the storage unit and I did not know how many he had.
The irony is the room I was kept in under lock and key when in Washington state, had the bed he slept in with his feet on the wall of the room I was kept in. Though I suppose there are far more ironies and oddities, far beyond just that particular aspect.
Since returning to the state of Texas and speaking with some people from the lifestyle I knew when I was involved from specifically 2010 through to 2013, I have seen and learned of multiple closures throughout. I did go with a friend to a Temple of Flesh event though was denied entry because of supposed threats made to the owners through someone who claimed to be me, though as many threats as I was receiving as well as they types of; the threat read would have been an equivalent of the minor threats which began in the end of 2009 and/or beginning of 2010; though not making light of the threat read in the slightest, just giving a correlation factor point. It was an instant flashback of reading threats I had received throughout the years including the ones I showed to people in 2010, 2011, and 2012; though the people I showed them as I said and as I wrote in this post none believed me at the times of, which also includes the bidding which occurred from a few people who kept upping the price per hour with a four hour minimum of Professionally Dominatrixing them.
The female roommate I sowed those messages to laughed in my face telling me that she thought I 'was stupid for rejecting $15,000 per hour to just beat up a guy'*, and my 'explanation is so dumb' as to why I felt it not to be an ideal situation for me. Ironically just a little bit of time before, the country music concert at Cowboys Dancehall to see Stoney LaRue.
Other than the aspects which was explained to me recently about why certain locations are not having events whether through the news in reference of the COVID and/or discussions I have had with various people from 2019 through to this week, I suppose at this point the only thing I can think of to write and/or say is simply it is what it is. I have still been living as best as I can and though extremely painful when above the Mason-Dixon Line which I fought literally and figuratively to stay in the state of Texas and below the Mason-Dixon line as I knew above such might be a bit of an issue for a multitude of reasons which apparently was the electricity, I did enjoy my time helping out and volunteering at the two clubs I frequented when in each area to set up. I met some amazing and awesome people, had some extremely fun discussions, had fun dancing, had fun doing my Medal of Honor Art Project stuff and seeing different areas along the ways I went; while also having fun talking with the seal puppy dogs and walking on top of the quicksand and the ocean in the Pugent Sound region, of Washington state when there. Though there was one particular situation I still cannot help but to giggle about despite telling on myself afterwards as it still seems funny to me thinking I could ever cammo while wearing a corset, a tutu, stockings, and heels, while maneuvering through. The one time I actually thought I was being a ninja turns out, I was the furthest thing from. However another irony, I think I saw that male Marine from my dream and if I am accurate the outfit I was wearing the flowing began at just above my knees.
In a different irony I had told the SCUBA Divers I knew when going through my 26 SCUBA Diving certifications that I wanted to SCUBA Dive the different states within the United States of America because I felt there were some beautiful locations which may not have been known about or seen in the same way. I did not get to SCUBA Dive when on my Medal of Honor Art Project trips, though I did get the chance to see some beautiful locations and some amazing sights while out and about. I found a few places I want to go SCUBA Diving in if possible one day aside from SCUBA Diving during the Aurora Borealis as I think that sight would be absolutely stunningly breathtaking, though there is this lake called Cor d' Lane in Idaho which the waves in the waters were so pretty to see when I was going down the mountain to the area; as well as that Prominatory Pointe in Utah looks so interesting to go SCUBA Diving in. I felt as though there are a few missile silo SCUBA Diving places I was fairly close to in other states, though I cannot recall which ones as when I felt those I was completing more than just one state during those trips for my Medal of Honor Art Project.
www. fetlife .com/users/484330/posts/6545263
I am thankful I was capable to be able to show a few of my completed pieces from my Medal of Honor Art Project Artwork in the year of 2020, despite the situations as to the paperwork as to the beginning portions of the other factors in reference to the difference as to the pieces in reference to the state of Texas as to my Medal of Honor Art Project.
However you are capable to see the ways which with the correct angling of the light as to how the completed pieces from my Medal of Honor Art Project Artwork are as to the historical and spiritual rubbings, as to the larger difference as to just a grave stone rubbing as some may have not understood or comprehended as to the differences between the completed pieces of my Medal of Honor Art Project Artwork as to the other factors thereof.
A few combined events, as to interesting times as well as wonderfilled times.
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