In reference of combining all of my journals I wrote through my original #fetlife account which I will post the link at the bottom for the clarifications thereof, I am going to have the transparency brought forward as to what can be seen from the original posting dates as to the current timeframe of this day 28 November 2021 for those to see as to my original #Facebook accounts of Susan MeeLing as well as Lady Dori Belle for the additional ability to see the connection links as to what I had discussed for many years and decades in person as well as online as to such factors as best as I could as to the circumstances. Possibly such details will assist to make sense, in the comparisons thereof as to the amounts of details though in addition I do not pretend or hide myself from my truth which others should realize it is important to be honest and truthful in many more ways than just in one or two moments as it is imperative to be more capable to recognize the truth in such aspects of life for far more than some might have realized despite all of my warnings as to what I knew to bring forward to assist as best as possible.
I will begin with posting my newer updated journals from my original account and work backwards as to the irony I noticed. There will be plenty to read in the ways of, whether or not you choose to venture into the areas of the website fetlife.
Posted on 9 March 2021
The proverbial gates were opened and then...it began...in brief...though a long read...possible small edits
Years ago back towards the end of 2012 there were major life circumstances I was dealing with, which you can look through the history of my posts through this fetlife account among others at the specific timing of from 2010-2012 mainly; though sporadic situations here and there as per other aspects, I had written about. In the end of 2012 or beginning of 2013 after a cataclysmic event which had been a acumination of events rolled into one person's existence between my own medical situations, what was going on with my daughter, and how the events affected my son; after years of that in addition to what occurred when they were younger in regards of their biological father as well as how as best as I could to deal with every individual situation throughout the time, I could only do the best I could for what it was and is worth.
Is worth, is important to have paid attention to.
Were there those who did what they could in reference to the situations involving my son and my daughter while I was doing the best I could, for all three of us? Absolutely, I cannot deny such. Because of the threats I wrote about as well as told about in person of receiving and none I knew at the time told me of anyone who could or would help me, I got to a point where I changed the fetlife account name as in thinking that would stop the threats. That did not occur, and instead I was inundated with more threats and worse as the time went onward. The additional mockery of being threatened meant nothing to those I spoke with at the time or was just being placated to, however one chooses to look at such; when looking back to those times now, as to how certain situations had gone. I thought changing the name to my account would mean I could not be found for those threatening messages to be sent back then, and yet that changed nothing for the situation I was dealing with in regards of.
The culmination of events, I changed my name and noticed within a couple of days a posting with my name through a different account. An individual I spoke with on the phone a few months ago from the San Antonio community told me he had noticed that profile name change to my account as well as the SocksForSusan account as well as the account to which I am referring to which had taken my name of LadyDoriBelle with the prior account name of Socks4Susan or something along those lines; the same male who had told me about a movie called Momento and asked if my life was similar to such, to try to understand a bit of how certain portions of my life are from what movie had been seen. However in reference to my name on that different account I do not know if others were contacted through that account and if they were, whatever was written was obviously not written by me if after the name change; as per the history in the writing sections, as well as postings in different groups which would be able to assist the verification process to those who knew me back before I wound up in Washington state and after my return to the state of Texas. Though because of other situations occurring, I am now wondering about what I have noticed in certain regards of various types of the technological aspects.
I am extremely open and honest about most aspects if simply asked, though at the same time I am extremely open and honest about myself which in turn would mean the reality would shine through as to which way or the other as to such.
Though I should add a simple way to have been able to tell the LadyDoriBelle account aspect, would be through the history as well as the writings such as this one among all of the others attached to my account if anyone had read through them previously could have noticed; while not forgetting group postings dating backwards especially in regards of those who have the ability to look at those timelines and etcetera in reference to situations both before and through to since I have returned back to the state of Texas onward. I know my writing styles depend what I am writing, the topic I am writing about, the purposes as to the writing along with which lines of, the connecting portions beyond such, and so on; thus depending upon such various combinations depends how I write, yet there may be those who might not have noticed as much previously and/or those who did notice such previously.
Though I have reached out and thankfully fetlife was able to restore my name to me, the reality of situations since I have returned to the state of Texas have been as such has aside from the COVID situation of course. However while I was in Arizona before winding up in Washington state, when online I saw how some were claiming I was in Texas doing certain things. I pointed it out to those I knew at the time, and the claim of me having been in various areas of Texas which would take hours to travel to be while being in Arizona confused me; though I noticed it prior to being in Arizona, as per the name situation online. I showed who those at The Sanctuary saw me with last prior to being out in Arizona the fetlife posts as such, and showed the facebook posts to my son knowing he was too young for fetlife at the time; getting the ability to show some of what was going on online to both though in different ways, yet exactly the same. Admittedly I forgot about the change to my account name from Lady Dori Belle which confused me even further, though I suppose now it is already known about my Psalm Sunday 2000 head injury after effects probably the cognitive portion of.
From the time at The Sanctuary in 2013 prior to Arizona and Washington state I remembered introducing who I met at Cowboys Dance Hall's Stoney LaRue concert after being bothered throughout the smoking section because of a group which the male who started up the problems, would not leave me alone throughout the night. I cannot remember if I told anyone at the time of in 2013 at The Sanctuary how that came about though I did tell others along my way from Texas through Arizona and into Washington state, along the path as some people and I spoke at different times. I am uncertain if I was ever recognized as me as no one asked with the exception of one time-ish and I acknowledged who I am, though not any other time. Admittedly I thought putting my Lady Dori Belle name though now a page in comparison when on facebook then and now would make it easier for others to let me know which name they knew me as, because of doing so.
Though I guess maybe others had not thought of the way I viewed the purpose of, as I had done. By the time of March 2013 with everything which had occurred and having to testify in court about the situations which occurred leading to that day in June 2013 before winding up in Washington state after Arizona, no one was there who I knew, and everything which was going on despite having explained time and time again just seemed worthless as the distasteful situations continued.
Nonetheless, few at the time realized to the depth levels which the circumstances had lead to despite having explained repeatedly what I was dealing with and how if certain things were not taken care of how I saw it was going to go. Yet, it was considered overdramatic when I explained to some. If at those times more knew in full of how quiet I actually was about such because of how legal procedures actually go, I guarantee the views would have been different; however, those who had not ever dealt with legal proceedings previously would have no clue or idea of how much actually goes on. If it was learned however it was learned by me, and/or if there are those who now know who I knew then in person whichever way you viewed my situation at that time; I suppose the understanding as to how calm in comparison, possibly could be considered as a change of perspective.
Hopefully, for the better.
In reference to The Sanctuary which apparently is now closed as I saw when returning to Texas and added further confusion to me, admittedly. The last portion I remember from 2013 at The Sanctuary was talking with TKod, a set of sirens going off at the same time, helicopters flying nearby overhead with a bright light, and a train horn sounding. I remember looking upward to see unintentionally directly into the helicopter light central area of the bulb with all of the combinations of the sounds sent my already high level pain headaches to a full migraine on a 1-10 scale a 10 migraine, and everything around me changed instantly. It was nothing like or close to Irving for those who know the reference to the back patio situation in 2011, as there was not pain when that occurred. Especially in comparison to what happened during the time in 2013 at The Sanctuary, the situation in 2013 was excruciating. What I saw around are details which are as they are, nonetheless the next portion I recall is being carried to a vehicle after an actual gate was opened. After being inside the vehicle with the male from Cowboys Dance Hall Stoney LaRue concert from March 2013 for reference, I looked in the rear side view mirror just before everything went dark to see the open gate and much more than what I saw was physically there. I heard a yelling from the left side, and then there were emergency lights along the way before the vehicle moving to a side area not long after.
To clarify what I mean by seeing more than what was physically there for those who did not or do not know, I pick up on energetic pulses and have seen spirits since before my head injury on Psalm Sunday in 2000. After waking up from the coma I had to re-learn how to differentiate the spirits from the living, which in turn was a situation which was difficult. Nonetheless the additional portions to both the SCUBA Diving situation as well as the Irving situation, I guesstimate by now more know I can type a lot more than I can speak at times even back then. I had to learn how to speak all over again after both situations in reference to the SCUBA Diving at the Vandenberg in August 2009, as well as the Irving situation in 2011. Some words were easier for me to speak in comparison to others initially, though I learned to deal with the sound coming out from my face from my mouth. That honestly was the worst pain I ever felt, for a bit of time. In both references I learned to tolerate the sound as well as the vibrations felt when speaking, as the rattling which occurred initially when re-learning how to speak was difficult to put mildly.
Being in Arizona in 2013 and seeing the constant blame even further what I had already been wrongly accused of as well as the combined situations where I was doing the best for myself to recover while taking care of myself where I could as at the same time of doing everything possible to do the best for my son, and hoping for the best for my daughter as I knew the situation was not easy for either him or her as children; which neither knew the depth levels of the SCUBA Diving, nor did either know about the Irving 2011 situation until I put everything into writing in regards of the first two books if they were read and if so by whom I am uncertain who read what I wrote in each circumstance. I honestly felt a bit selfish to take care of the portions for myself while also taking care of both of my children, as I know and I knew how much was needed and I knew my personal limitations as a single Mom with minimal support at those times in a personally known way.
I barely could understand the overall to put into words for other biological adults as I was told they could not understand in certain cases who were not involved in the situation directly, yet explaining what was occurring throughout the process to where it could be understood from the times a 9 through 12 year old oddly was easier when in reference during those times. Also later towards when in Arizona in 2013 as well as prior to during the main situations as to the school situation from 2010 more-so, as best as I could make things better and easier was something I sought to accomplish. As my son of course he would know more details in ways which few ever saw because of my headaches and migraines from the after effects from my Psalm Sunday 2000 head injury and having been able to see in person and whereas my daughter might remember, she too had obviously been impacted and having to make the best decision for the entire situation in conjunction. Admittedly it was extremely difficult and in some ways looking back now it seemed important for clarifying in a bigger way in more simple terms and hence the writings as I could, though admittedly because of the after effects at times the clarity of what was intended to be portrayed in wording did not always come across as effectively as I learned or at minimum felt.
Though while occurring making sure the situations were repaired and fixed as best as possible for both despite only being me with limited help and resources in an overall way when taking the combined aspects into account at the times as some know, taking care of such throughout the times was an extremely lonely path for me. Admittedly I hoped for the betterment though I wondered if it was possible, seeing so much. However others feel about me and my choices/responses, it surely was/is not as simple as some might have thought could be.
Having to explain in so many directions all around the same time of seeing further blame to me online when I was no where near the area of Texas, I was surprised when for the first time there was two people who believed me with the proof as shown. Comparatively I did not have many who believed me immediately even with proof for some, which I explained I cannot tell a lie as well as why; though again it seemed difficult for others to believe, not forgetting how I pick up on energetic portions. I did not need additional problems in my life, I needed relaxation and healing from all I had been through. Yet in comparison, I dealt with what I dealt with.
I had shown people I knew the messages from when online of how the screen looked during several occasions from the time it began around the end of 2009 or the beginning of 2010 shortly after who I was engaged to twice though the first time, in a different specific time was when a roommate I had then in 2012 had found me on the back patio. I was unconscious because of the message I received with more threats though that time had been after she had already been shown prior messages I had been receiving about some trying to buy through purchasing time from me, as I wrote about dealing with back in those timeframes as can be found in my writing history section. A female we mutually knew name in San Antonio tried claiming to my roommate at the time whose dad I wrote about meeting and hopefully despite the situation; he was able to check a bit further, to ensure his daughter's safety when taking other portions into consideration. That mutual female we knew claimed she knew it was medications which caused such, as later she had admitted to testing my after effects from my Psalm Sunday 2000 head injury for several years beginning in 2004. As a group listened when in her garage then in 2012 to who became the female's roommate Alicia, Lisa, Lisa's husband, and the female's boyfriend heard as that female had explained to me of testing the after effects simply because she thought her dad's medical degree somehow transferred to her.
Obviously common sense as well as legalities have reasons why a medical degree similar to rank does not transfer just because of having a child or children, as in that situation her father went through the training and she did not even look into his books prior. During the course of the discussion was before she felt the need to brag about how many people were at her court hearing for stealing garden gnomes out of others' front yards which she went to jail for later, and thought it was funny how many were in her corner compared to being on my side about the situations I was dealing with compared to her.
That female claimed it was because of my red hair though in 2004 I did not have my hairstyle as it is now, as I did not begin my hairstyle until the year of 2005; which meant she had alternate motives which she admitted. She said she had a friend from high school who was in a coma later in life because of a car accident who did not remember her though remembered her husband, which sent her into a tailspin. She was mad because her friend did not remember her, and in turn her choice to test my head injury after effects was to prove whether or not her friend from high school was lying to her or telling the truth of not remembering her at all. Obviously some people might understand the additional rage and fury I felt even without the personal knowledge from experience, just when looking from the common sense aspect.
I knew when I began my hairstyle and as she continued with her claims as to why she had purposefully chosen to cause additional drama within the community, I watched as each person in the garage looked down at her to then look over to me to see my response with their mouths dropped open in stun and shock as to the admitting from her. Sitting in her chair smiling in my direction asking me what my opinions were of the fun she had, I explained on my terms my opinions in words despite the rage flowing throughout my veins while focusing my energy to remain as calm as I could. She thought it was amusing to tell others as well as myself that afternoon, of how long she had been doing whatever she could to intervene in my life throughout; simply because she felt as thought I was competition to her in the lifestyle, in any location as she traveled to parties as she said all throughout Texas and several other states including Washington state as she discussed a place she went to frequently years prior called Horizon in Washington state. She said she had been in the lifestyle for over a decade prior to my entrance, which since she was more in the Swinger community and I was more in the BDSM community though intermingled as I had; she also said she thought I should admit to being a unicorn, because of being an unattached female after the prior relationship I had been involved with which she knew about as well as the couple.
Those who know me from experiences with me might admit I am adamant about making sure I understand and comprehend, though if honest could truthfully bring up the fact I have not entered competitions and I do not seek competition in such a way. Admittedly with the exception of if I feel the need or want to enter into a competition and actually step into the competition, which usually I simply do not do so after a certain point in my life. I know how competitive I can get if I want to compete, and those who have noticed my studying levels can pretty much imagine to the depth levels I would go to in order to ensure I legitimately earned the top spot correctly. From the type of studious nature which I go through to ensure the correctness of for clarity to understand or minimum know multiple sides of a situation as best as possible, I would guesstimate a few might be able to see how if I were to actually want to compete how I would be in such a competition of whichever type.
I learned years ago competitions are competitions, though life is not a competition.
By that time in the garage several months after July of 2012 and even further from what communities I had been involved with all across the board as per the situations I was dealing with, I felt the need to have to begin to shut myself down at the time with the realizations by the end of the year of 2012 with the combined aspects of the beginning of 2013. Learning as I found out about identity theft in addition to myself having been going through identity theft unknowingly for years before though learning of in May of 2013 to then ironically the situation in reference to the laptop computer from an Air Force facility, which you are able to find the timeline for that situation; I did the best I could to rectify, fix, and repair what I could as best as I could from what experience I could give to look into. Nonetheless at the time in that garage when at Erika's parent's house of being told how long she had been choosing to seek out to compete with someone who was not competing in the slightest, was extremely infuriating as some might be able to figure out. Then in the garage she continued before asking about my dating life or lack thereof as she tried to talk about how she had been involved with other females in a relationship manner before I left the garage, and did not return to that location afterwards.
I did not know how to put that into words to explain to people back then which even if I could, who would have believed me? Who would have cared after multiple situations having been brought to attention, and the responses I received in return to such why would I think anyone would believe me? Though, who truly cared as it had been explained to me by several and many.
Maybe later some figured out I had told the truth continuously as ugly and brash as the truth can be, though without the truth how can you appreciate the beauty of life? Without the truth in the most barbaric terms to know to pay attention at times to genuinely look to reflect if that is honestly how such beliefs are preferred and how such could impact in a larger way, how can one factually step into a better situation if the path needs to be cleared for the knowledge and understanding to comprehend? Without the brashness of certain truths to snap to look to ponder on your own to choose which path sought after is the ideal way, how can you see blessings of such reality of life's complexities and yet simplicities for the correct choice individually and collectively?
However the messages page situation is for what I saw whether having to do with hacking or the website updating or other situations and experiences which some may have known about, I must additionally point out I sent a letter to my son at an address where I lived in Washington state area which was returned to me saying there is no such address. Thus those threats I told people I was receiving of where I was threatened to be kidnapped and taken to another location to be kept in a cage at the foot of who kidnapped me bed; I did not joke about that reality when I spoke of the messages I was receiving on fetlife, and Alicia saw the laptop with several of the threats including the prices for requesting my time. So had several individuals who I had known in person, and a couple of relationship individuals saw the message pages as well.
In Washington state I was kept or as I said I stayed in a room which was under lock and key, as the individual at The Sanctuary from Cowboys Dance Hall slept on the other side of the door and would stop me if I left the room as well as would stop my son from going to speak with me to the point I would leave the room to speak with my son and dealt with the situations thereafter. With the knowledge of multiple firearms where I did not know of any locations of who had also outed me to my biological parents through an answering machine taped message shortly after he posted what he claimed was his side despite I had not posted anything in reference to though met his new girlfriend later in 2012 and told her of the shotgun situation, which she laughed saying she enjoyed being shot at. To each, their own. After that shotgun situation as well as who I am the legal widow of and having to keep my children and myself safe can clarify a few responses to survive while keeping my son and my daughter as safe as possible, are a handful of experiences I dealt with for the betterment despite what some had not known before as to what I survived when they knew me in person. Again, despite what some might think I have done what best I could despite the situations whether or not some have or do believe.
I truly do not understand how the address which was on the house and the mailbox were returned, for not finding the address. If anyone know where I should make a report if that is needed at this point since I sent out the dropbox link as I had as well as the paper books to, please inform me; though hopefully that which I did send out, was to the correct locations or at minimum forwarded to the correct department(s). Of course I worry about my son and my daughter, as I thought most parents would do naturally. However I also do not know if because of my SCUBA Dive at the Vandenberg was a part of those messages I received, due to the fact there is no other person other than myself who has landed at the bottom of the ocean at depth levels submarines cannot get to to surface from the safest SCUBA Dive possible for the area and situation.
Admittedly if I had told people what I needed to do back then though in certain reference aspects and possibly even now as well, I doubt back before I had successfully completed the SCUBA Dive in reference in 2009 there would have been those who would have tried diligently to stop me, and wrongly so. I needed to do what I needed to do back then, and though situations had gone as they had admittedly I do not regret my choices for going where I had to handle what I needed to handle.
I know for a fact of one who I can say tried to stop me which obviously I did not go inside of the Vandenberg, though that did not stop me from landing at the bottom of the ocean and handling the situations which was needed. Just going to throw out there as per prior notations, I know my limitations. I have stopped myself on my own when recognizing such in the proper situations at the time when appropriate, of which for myself to push for certain aspects; as I know in certainty of the fact and truth of the matter, I can handle the situation of SCUBA Diving as I have brought forward in several aspects in requests on my website as well as in other formational portions. While such might be considered as extremely different in some ways, possibly some might have had questions and how I wound up in Washington state is how I wound up in Washington state.
I am concerned in regards of both my son and my daughter as I am a Mom and have made it apparent of helping as best as possible, though I am simply myself. Ironically after a few years in Washington state I found a show online called Scandal which one of the females was kidnapped and held hostage until figuring how to escape, and then she became President of the United States of America. The location in Washington state without being delivered is in my opinion quite concerning and I am quite confused though at the same time because of the military connection, I wonder if there is an additional portion regarding what could be considered as a safe house without having been told because of the whatever situation such could be. I do not know if it has to do with my SCUBA Diving and/or the after effects of my Psalm Sunday 2000 head injury, or what combination thereof; though the mail return situation is quite weird and odd to me, and I have no clue how to bring that forward beyond online. Which leads to an additional portion, for this already lengthy posting.
As time continued onward and in Arizona to see such, I joked with my son and my now ex-boyfriend or what-have-you to say "Look, how is it I am two places at once? See the drama I told you about whether or not I am around, and I didn't do anything there. I am here, and look at how according to those posts of what is going on in Texas. How funny, maybe there is a technology thingy." And as I joked on about that completely unknowing to the facts of the realities I know now, ironically I can see the twisted irony of the truth of my joke.
Nonetheless it scared both of them as they watched live feed footage as per postings on the laptop for one to look through and read on fetlife, and on the cellphone for the other in reference to facebook. Both laughed initially thinking it was a joke until looking at the screens to see in real time as it was occurring, and they saw me standing before them. With my hands on my hips in Arizona I giggled about how magickal I must be to be able to be in multiple places at once physically, though realistically in astral travel aspects such is extremely different to those who know and understand such aspects.
Recently there was a post made by one of my Twitter accounts though I did not make the post, yet the post was made through my account. Is that the algorithm which caused that or is that normal to occur for online activity, others having such experiences as well? As written in this post my personal accounts are on my website to ensure the accuracy as best as possible, for clarity.
Unlike some individuals, I do not hide. Nor, do I cammo. I wish I could cammo at times, though it is what it is.
As I did create another account Reverend_MeeLing to be able to get online to fetlife because of the situations which occurred and how I wound up in Washington state before returning to Texas, I also have not hidden such; which also should be taken into consideration, in such regards. However I do not use it nearly as often as the LadyDoriBelle name and account are conjoined since figuring certain aspects to tether back to fetlife, though also to show transparency and honesty without hiding. I was told by someone in marketing a little over a year ago who survived as were several friends and coworkers who were able to survive 11 September 2001 of thinking about splitting up the portions of my website which first I am glad he and they survived, though I explained I did not want to worry about how some think if in a different location that means hiding and to have the clarity of such.
The feeling was explained if I were to create a completely different website for different portions instead of the different pages on my website that would make it seem as though I was different in comparison, to being the same. He seemingly understood what I explained as while optics are important in certain specific ways, optics are just as important in larger ways as well. In my thoughts if I hid such that would negate the seriousness in comparison to what needed the attention, for various different topics. I also thought everything is pretty much connected in some ways, shapes, and forms which in turn my website simply made sense to have everything combined for the ease of finding information to understand as well as look through for further information from the research done by whomever may have gone through what I posted on my website.
Yes I sent my books to POTUS45 Donald J. Trump as well as several others, which I am glad many aspects have been seen for clarification to be able to repair to fix situations for the betterment as I hoped. I am only one person who can only do so much on my own, and as much as I do not like to admit when I need help; I recognize what limitations I have and though I will do as best as I can to push beyond if possible of such limitations, I can still recognize my own weaknesses. Despite what some might think of his Presidency, there are many benefits which he has brought forward for many generations to come.
The openness of his stature when running for the Republican seat during the primary election as well as for the Presidency has made an opening of a different proverbial gate, for more who have a naturalness about them to be able to voice their opinions to run for elected positions in the government of the United States of America. The various aspects of his life prior to running were brought outward in full and he along with his defenders, stood up for the various portions where needed.
If you take a look at what was said about his marriage as well as prior marriages, he owned up to the realities of and still was voted into office. If you look at the situations regarding the beauty pageants, that defense of it being the business is the truth and brings forward the different shades of beauty throughout. If you look into how he spoke when with others, the opening to bring forward more honest communication in person as well as in regards of politics. Additionally in reference to certain combinations thereof you can take into consideration of the opening of the gates proverbially for those in the lifestyle of whichever group, to genuinely accept themselves in a more open manner. I have said it before though I will type here, he had businesses in New York City and New Jersey which if you can make a business work in any location though especially there; you are far more open minded than some might think to be, might realize initially. There is an exposure to all types of backgrounds which in turn the ability to truly be oneself is possible which in my opinion the assistance POTUS45 Donald J. Trump with FLOTUS Melania Trump and the FFOTUS with the combination of staff with VPOTUS Mike Pence and SLOTUS Karen Pence were able to open more gates for the ability for a combined effort for the evolution of the individuals in politics for a wider array to speak together despite the backgrounds.
If you ask me a question, I will genuinely respond with actual honesty in full truth. However since Remember the Alamo day is recent for the state of Texas' Independence I wanted to additionally post such here on fetlife as I am the same in each community despite nicknames, which if there are those who had been threated by whomever had used that account of the SocksForSusan; you would have to forward such information now to law enforcement, if such was a situation. I wrote a post about other aspects to: https://www.susanmeeling.com/single-post/remember-the-alamo
Since I had the experience which occurred when going to an event in San Antonio where a claim of a threat was made without any proof of such as well as the fact I did not nor would ever make a threat as such claimed when explained to me, adding that particular claimed threat had been one which I had sent to me several years prior to winding up in Washington state and how that occurred; such additionally can be looked at, as a different type of battling situation. Thankfully fetlife has been able to verify my account as mine and has maintained, of which I encourage whomever may have had such a claim to look through their messages to unveil the name for whatever messages were claimed by whomever would have taken my name. In some ways would such be considered as in vanity if not taken by for the knowledge of the background for my medical aspects from knowing a bit of the background, of certain prior scriptures is a pondering of which my thoughts had wondered.
Though hopefully now that I have my name and such clarified on my website all other situations which have had to do with the Socks4Susan account or whatever it was changed to, has been clarified for such and what occurred by whomever had been involved with such is brought forward for everyone else to know the truth. Again as I was told about the video gamer choice to run up the account to then sell as a different way to beat the cheat code system of such video games which would be Donnie or Donnie Darko or Darko who had told me of him doing such, hopefully the reality in truth is brought forward for such.
As a different irony I thought I saw him in Montana when I was on my Medal of Honor Art Project trip which no one was invited to have anything to do with in reference to my trips, and those who were invited via proxy through my taking my Medal of Honor Art Project pieces to the locations I had was the proxy of such. My Medal of Honor Art Project was not a video game in real life, nor was how each individual who earned a Medal of Honor. Just because there might be a video game with the same name as the actual Medal of Honor, does not mean that is a game in real life.
There are those who did not play games when earning the Medal of Honor and such disgrace and disrespect to such, is punishable and not in the BDSM ways of punishing; in my opinion, though admittedly I am a smidgen protective of military guys if that has not been figured out by now. I truly and genuinely appreciate my freedoms because of how much work and effort has been put in and continues, and I recognized such long ago. While I could admit to misreading certain aspects the portions of the events during that year in conjunction with certain events which occurred when he was nearby, alerted in the ways which were alerted.
My phone company at the time would have the pictures from the house in Cedar Park and the messages of with the fly situation as well as other messages when Phillip/Darko/DonnieDarko was around, as per cellphone technology stuff to be able to see from back then at the time. If there are people who look through messages sent or more specifically in regards of the legal situation I was dealing with at the time with the SCUBA Diving after portions as well as the combination of a few other aspects, the situation at the house in conjunction with the markings on his flesh were enough to have my response as it was; especially later considering the solar eclipse was the same year as that Montana aspect in 2017, as well as the situations leading up to when driving out to Nebraska and what occurred just before that same year.
Nonetheless a few other portions in reference to connections to Remember the Alamo, I wrote about in this particular journal blog entry on my website; though I can guesstimate in certain regards, there might be other connection references as well which can be found throughout my website and various forms of my expression of my 1st Amendment Rights. The Ornery PSA journal blog article entry
While some seemingly may have lost their ability for a bit to be well rounded individuals because of video games being more prevalent in their lives as well as the amount of pretending that others seem to do, the reality of such I can see the long term damage and I doubt I am the only one as Republicans have brought forward the fears they had long ago; certain aspects of various portions of my life circumstances, simply show the validity to what they feared. In my opinion too many to have chosen to play such games in such a manner which pathetically think excuses themselves to entertain themselves in regards of playing games with others' lives, when there is no reason for such choices as life is meant to be lived not played.
Though I do what I can to focus upon the better aspects for as long as I can and as it may have been figured out as to how I am about military guys as it is not a fetish for me though a genuine and actual concern for me, maybe there are a few who might be able to figure out why I do not need to wonder why I have held onto such for so long mandatorily. Though has it really been that long to hold on in reference to my Medal of Honor Art Project, when I am still working on such? Is it considered as too long to hold onto after how Washington state, had impacted? Additionally is it considered too long to hold onto the aspects of my SCUBA Diving when there are so many who do so whether in the civilian sector, though especially within the military sector?
I have known I went deep under the water, though since situations had gone as they had during specific times; I knew I would get back to the SCUBA Diving portions, because I knew there had to be importance to such in multiple ways. I did not know how long it would take me to do so officially-ish, though I also had other plans in mind while dealing with situations. My idea for the Underwater Travel System might seem unattainable, though it actually is quite easily attainable to make and maintain. World Peace does need to be a reality across the nations, though there are also portions of which certain aspects can be worked upon until the time of which would be beneficial in reference to the aspects of the situation from when I was in Irving during 2011 for a different portion.
26 SCUBA Diving certifications plus my experiences and additional studies and training for other portions, bring a different perspective which might not have as in detail been thought of previously and the purposes thereof.
One of the pictures from my paperwork for my idea of what I call The Underwater Travel System, in the civilian portion compared to the military aspects. I want to bring it forward to make and though I posted it on my facebook connection, no one reached out to me about my idea to work on as I had hoped. There are several phases which need to occur, though I thought more would be interested in making such a reality. Maybe one day, someone will find it interesting enough to contact me about how to go through with it. – LadyDoriBelle
Nonetheless I admit I had initially changed my account name from Lady Dori Belle to different names for the account, however that was due to the threats I told others about which I had received in various ways both online and in person; and then exactly what I had told others I was receiving as threats had occurred, in a variety of ways. I explained such in person during those times to people I knew in person, as well as writing about such in different areas throughout online. Despite the fact of knowing it could be considered as the reality of I have been victimized, nonetheless I survived. At times admittedly is an annoyance because of the amount of situations I have dealt with, in my opinion it would be fantastic if I could actually relax and enjoy in a positive and healthy long term compared to the short terms I have dealt with in certain references. However I also know to keep pushing forward, as that is the way progress is made.
I suppose I can joke about the laptop back when I was in my backyard of my house in San Antonio years ago, as an additional portion to Remember the Alamo in such references; for those who know about the aspects thereof, in a bit more details. Thankfully Fetlife kept my name clean and clear for my account which hopefully the same can be said and written in more truth of the clarity, in comparison to others' opinions; though hopefully with such, they are also able to track down the IP and email addresses combined to be able to route out such situations and the clarification can be made all across the board in reference to my name/account/me as I do not pretend online nor in person.
Admittedly though that would require the individuals who had wrongly assumed the claimed of threats they said were from me, to clear up such statements as well. In addition in 2010 I knew an individual who would run up the numbers for video games to then sell the account to another to use which if that happened to be the case in reference to my name for my account when having changed it initially, the way to find the original is through the length of the history with proof through looking back into such. Also through my website [link][www.susanmeeling.com] I clarify which actual accounts are mine, through using the @ with the specifics for the ability to search on your own to verify additional information for yourselves. Though this writing can assist with other portions of several aspects, which I discussed and wrote about in other regards.
In that regard checking such messages fetlife's system can go back up to 10 years, which means since it was in 2013 when I wound up in Washington state and the first time I changed the name was in 2012 towards December if you look for such messages which were hypothetically initially under my name you can sleuth to see which account has such to forward to fetlife to assist that sort of problem. Maybe the caretakers at fetlife had a feeling though you can assist because of the legal aspects which you would have to verify such, and possibly fetlife can make an algorithm to find such alignments if that has not been done already. If so for the clarifications if possible, I am fairly certain the caretakers know who created the account/name; other than having written my explanation, for my name choice(s).
The advances in technology can be viewed depending upon who you are as to how good, and useful it is. Personally while for clothing and certain chivalry aspects I have preferred the Victorian Era and prior times due to the elaborate clothing attire and the grandiose gestures for the declaration of love and adoration of who one would be in a relationship with in conjunction with etiquette aspects, hence a combination of reasons as to why I believe I was born in the wrong timeframe for such views and beliefs. It was known to me of the preciousness of life and amount of time which was wasted had been minimal as possible comparatively, which meant the expression to ensure the concern and care was expressed with minimal hesitation. With so many living much longer now compared to then in combination to the technological aspects from the timeframe of the Victorian and Medieval Eras, I wonder if there have been those which thought simply because of that meant they could dilly dally around comparatively and thus having lost their appreciation for life for a while. As the instant gratification for some may have desensitized themselves from certain aspects and yet within the depths of their hearts there actually had been a yearning for, the longer term benefits.
Maybe the time of the masks and the quarantine/lockdowns have been a time of reflection for some, more than the past 10 years. As the speeds and rates that technology moves and as fast as life goes, maybe the slowdown of the past year has been able to clarify a bit more. Personally having taken such time to see quite a bit more and reflect upon what events and situations had been as they were, I would have appreciated if information of being checked on by being told so instead of the odd feelings I had picked up at different times. In one instance I thought I had seen DuctTapeDave who had spoken with me at the alcohol shelf area outside of the back at Sapphire telling me he 'was glad to see the drama was not being continued with [me] around in Washington'; however that was meant if that was who I realized later on, which looking back seemingly comes across as traveling to Seattle Washington from the state of Texas would be the starting point of drama, when it was not going on prior to when in Washington state as I knew until later on. In comparison to the combination of as events had occurred in regards of Washington state I had told others about my Psalm Sunday 2000 head injury as I informed them and others previously I do not play games, which if it was a good intention to check on while not telling me the cause to be there was for such and/or simply asking me directly; genuinely speaking with me to ask me of how I was doing, while telling me of traveling to see me and how I was doing as they had known me. There is a saying which the good intentions can lead of which if had known me in Texas, then you knew about the after effects of my Psalm Sunday 2000 head injury and the interpretation from simply not saying who you were truthfully to me is the cause of such a response.
What would you think if you were in my position with the known portions, of what you chose to do?
Maybe at some point the portions of clarification is a bit more important and though some might not like details, such time has shown how much more important those details are for knowledge to understand to have the wisdom for betterment. As some might have thought it was in good fun or with good intentions, clearly truthful intentions are the best.
Truth and honesty are exactly such, truth and honesty.
In honesty I told people on my posting as to the requirement to contact me as to such works on my creation of the Underwater Travel System, of which since I have not seen the original posting as to such drawings the fact of such mandatory aspects for safety has always been mandatory. Why would it ever be of a specific thought other than to specifically speak with the one and only who had created my idea of my Underwater Travel System, as that one and only has always been me myself. The facts of such insubordination as to ever think to try to circumvent such aspects as to the realities as to what work I personally created of my creations of the Underwater Travel System as to my work on such since I was in Elementary School as to the idea as to 8th grade as to both the poster as well as to MAST or Marine Science Technology School; there is not any allowances as I would guesstimate has been learned the difficult way, as the ignorance to ever think to try to ever go around what my personal work has been just as ignorant as to ever think the oceanic beings would ever find such as acceptable for such others to not ever officially have any such permissions granted by the one and only who accomplished as I have as to my SCUBA Diving would only cause needless problems to the oceanic waters. That was not a suggestion, that was mandatory and remains mandatory as to the facts as to how many people complained as to how safety conscious and how serious I have been about the lifestyle can only see how such portions would be mandatory as to my creation of the Underwater Travel System though additionally in reference to my creation of the Underwater Wedding.
There is not any exceptions to any such portions, as other people's egos about such means nothing to me as to the realities as to what the actual aspects are for the required safety portions.
In a different portion though connecting various proverbial dots along the way I warned many back when I heard the song S&M by Rhianna which admittedly I do enjoy the song to dance to, though the lyrics were a timing issue with the 50 Shades of Grey series, and the amount of those who did not go to classes or demos entered the lifestyle. Adding the video game portion, those who frequent certain pretend type of gatherings, and etcetera was something I noticed as well as experienced personally. I warned, and yet little attention was paid to the reality at those times of warnings from 2010 through to 2012.
Out of curiosity as to such warnings from such times, how accurate had I been? Think about that in reference to my creations, as to such warnings I had given as to my accuracy as to such for that truth.
In some ways I suppose portions in reference to what I had thought those who genuinely wanted to learn different ways to approach the lifestyle in a more open minded way was important specifically for each type of adult consenting behaviour, though also a different way to counteract certain portions I felt from the energy when I was told about the book series of 50 Shades of Grey; admittedly, I did not read the book series. In 2014 is when the writing I was doing for books, lead me in the direction to write a different approach to the lifestyle in a way which showed different perspectives in a limited capacity for others to genuinely research a bit more prior to stepping into the lifestyle if only inspired by however they found such. As it is known of my being a Dominant Sadist though admittedly more Dominant than Sadistic as well as being a female, I thought my book series could assist as a counter balance to the responses I saw throughout and knew inevitably the portions I was dealing with would bleed into other female Dominants areas. As odd as it may come across because of the fact of prior postings of mine the portions of which were related to the messages I was dealing with and certain clarifying points, while also not denying nor hiding having no problems with the Professional aspects while admitting such is not for me. The brashness stems from the harshness of the messages, and the levels of what was sent to me. Nonetheless I had enjoyed my time with Professional Dominatrixes as well as their cliental, I simply was not willing to participate in the specifics of in the same ways; while still respecting the females and males, I knew. It may not have come across as such in certain references though when taking a step back to see the bigger portions, possibly it can be noticed even if in miniscule ways. If I am accurate my posting on etiquette is also around the same timing, in conjunction with my writing which later was published on Leatheratti. While respecting Professional Dominants in the lifestyle, I had admittedly chosen not to forget about the submissive males who had sought a genuine relationship in a specific manner.
While some may not have believed there are those which was not preferred by certain submissive males for the Professional Dominatrix way, yet at the same time of not denying such realities for those who had such a preference.
I thought the Paroxysm of the Lotus Book Series By: Susan MeeLing which is my author name as well as what I have been known by to several is still the unchanging and the same person as Lady Dori Belle though I had changed my name on this account thinking the threats I was getting online in the message areas on fetlife as well as on Facebook had been too much as to the pop ups which occurred when clicking on the fetlife messages as to the timeframes thereof, and again in some ways hoping the ability for those who wrongly have been shamed and not in the consensual manner for their involvement with the lifestyle. I saw what happened to my friends when I was a child growing up in New Jersey and going to where I went in New York City, Pittsburg, and Philadelphia in the 1980s and 1990s for being in the LGBTQP communities. I saw what occurred to some who were outed for certain adult consenting enjoyments as well, during those years and other years beyond then. After the turn of the millennium into the 2000s, I could not understand nor could I comprehend how the situations were still so difficult for so many. Maybe not the most normal way, though I sought to rectify the situations to repair the problems where possible and fix what could be mended.
Immediately I saw the impact to the lifestyle of those throughout various age ranges on fetlife, though also dealt with certain situations personally. Aside from the hacking, technology problems, threats, and etcetera I personally dealt with though admittedly there are quite a few differences in some of the messages and the way the screen looked for me now in comparison to back when I initially brought up what messages I was getting though fetlife; unlike most websites I had been on, fetlife has not changed a lot for the background of the screen. However in the messages area, the screen background looks completely different than the screen background when I was receiving the threats I had gotten. There were also multiple times when the website was completely down and there were different meme pictures which came onto the screen, at different times. Usually at most a few hours would go from the meme picture when the background message screen area of the website looked different to me, than it does now.
Not just because of being on a different computer comparatively to the prior computers which Geek Squad had my computers though I did not get any back which lasted, and the accidental insurance plan was used 13 times from 2006 through 2013 which they could not give me back my laptop because of the amount of damage to the computer. I am sure I am not the only person who has taken a computer to Best Buy's Geek Squad for technical support and assistance, just as I am certain I am not the only one who has not gotten their computer returned. While I do not know what happens during the process for the repairing possible, I doubt I am the only person who has used the save password on a computer device. How the technology is run when Geek Squad reviews the pieces brought into the check in for the analysis as well as how whatever is worked on, I truthfully do not know if or how the registration of the information goes forward for the coding portions to patch for repair. It did take me awhile to realize I had allowed some to be around my computers open which then there is the situation in reference to such additionally, though the portions of which the message screen background color is different now compared to then after the meme picture of fetlife's website being down; the message background screen color was red instead of black, and the letters were black instead of white. I had showed some people I knew when they were around though again, at those times I was not believed. I do not know if they noticed the difference in the color background then as I had, though admittedly it has taken me since 2019 of going online to fetlife through to now to realize the message area is now the same color as the rest of the website and there have not been as many maintenance meme posts when I have gone to fetlife since.
I do not know if that has to do with the problems Geek Squad found on the computers when I brought them in such as hacking or whatnot, or if fetlife's website had issues, or if my issues with technology because of the after effects from my Psalm Sunday 2000 head injury, or if that has to do with my SCUBA Diving, or some combination there of; however what I do know is I was told of a threat written online to Temple of Flesh which was explained to me and though the San Antonio Police report shown to the manager at the time and location in 2019, if such is a situation which needs additional clarification to having dealt with identity theft in real life might make a bit of sense. Though also after the individuals of Temple of Flesh not disclosing the way other businesses have had to disclose when there had been a security breach, as there had been individuals who had explained how they had taken stick type of shaped memory port technology with the information from the office area in the house in San Antonio which though I had told the owners of back in 2011 of being informed of as well as again later in 2012; I was told not to worry, and it would be handled by them. I am uncertain if they had informed everyone who had attended any event during those years when I was told about in person as well as on the phone by certain ex relationship people of theirs, though I have discussed such further despite having been told they were going to handle the security breach. I was not informed of what they were going to do to handle the security breach by their ex relationships, though if others had learned of such however they learned of; I hope they were able to guard themselves, to protect themselves. Though falsely accused of such and embarrassed in the public area because of the choice of how such was handled with someone who I knew who went with me to the event who saw such and did tell others of what was seen and heard, if part of such issues was because of only having the modeling pictures taken during my photoshoots was an issue because thankfully someone had showed up during my photoshoot for the poster I was on and was edited to not have my tattoos in the pictures as I was told 'no one in the community needs to look at tattoos' as well as 'the pictures are to the taste of those who attend my events, I know my audience who attends' after the individual who had shown me of my tattoos having been taken out of my pictures without my consent; it is not as though I would have entered into a relationship with the individual to begin with, because of the energetic portions I felt elsewhere. As none of the photographers I have modeled for ever had a relationship beyond a friendship in some ways occur, later when I was informed of such by who had stopped by my photoshoot had explained had been a prior issue he had heard about from others; additionally I do not make threats despite what was read to me and not shown to me, though from what was read to me was like earlier threatening messages I had received earlier around 2010.
I believe in karma, as I always have believed in karma in conjunction with dharmic principles among several other religious beliefs for an overall view of life.
I have heard and corrected in reference to when hearing when my son was playing video games, and as I am not approving of the way I heard him speaking to another on the video game live aspect; I corrected such as quickly, as I could. I did not want him to speak in such a way because of the reality of the gaming portions of not knowing who you are speaking with the same way you would in person or in different settings online, as I thought. There are some truths which the Republican females years ago had discussed in great length on the news and had interviews within the newspapers as well as magazines, which brought forward the realities which some have seen more of now which I paid attention to. Yes you can change the channel if you do not like something, though the video games are choices to purchase in comparison as well as how the reaction is when knowing you are playing a game on the video game console.
Life though having many pieces of technology, is not a video game console.
Life is different and not a game in my opinion, and though others ignorantly have thought of such that time is over as to the wishes for such to ever be as to that way. Life, is reality in person as to such realities and the facts and the truth have always been mandatory.
I am me, though I do not make threats nor tolerate because of what I have been through and I know I am not the only one. Again, the games are not something which is what I do because I have not had the luxury of being able to find that to be considered as relaxing. I cannot say or write the same as to others' choices, though it is important to remember the childhood saying of rubber and glue in certain combined views and ways. The images, the screen splitting, the digital aspects, the way the screen on top of the images looks, the lights from, and etcetera from the one time of playing Call of Duty with him taught me how much more painful the video games are to me in comparison to going to a movie theater; though I forced myself to deal with the increased pain levels, to have with him some quality time and hopefully he would be able to smile later on knowing how much it took if ever realized; especially, considering the timing of when that occurred in 2012.
I do apologize if I misunderstood various portions, though I do hope there is the understanding from the knowledge as to how I could view situations as I have. If you want to send a message along with, I would appreciate such in a respectful manner.
If there is a need or a want and you choose to send me a friend request, I leave such open to you as the reader to send.
I noticed the list on my profile and with not knowing how such got to the number it is at as I thought it was larger, after how situations have gone I will leave it up to you whomever might read this as to choose whether or not you want to send the request or to follow on fetlife and whichever social media platform pages of mine. Due to how such has gone, the choice is yours.
If you chose not to send a request and I once knew you in person, I will take such as I am unwanted due to the complexities presented. I suppose in certain regards that particular aspect, I already wrote about a few years ago in my journal blog ironically ahead of this point in time. Ironically, not the first time as per the length and history of what I have written about. Though I have reached out through my other account as stated earlier in this post, my website links my specific profile names with the @ sign for clarity on which website for social media.
I have admitted I am a Dominant Sadist and though my name known in the community might come across as however others have viewed such depending upon as I have been told others' opinions previously about my name, I suppose I can make a joke about the DS portion additionally as I am a Determined Survivor #DeterminedSurvivor through the thick of it all.
Like me, love me, or hate me that is a portion which is quite truthful.
I am a determined survivor and I have been determined to assist others to survive in a better way, as best as possible.
If there is an interest to have me speak at an event, please contact me with the details. I think it is time to unite a few aspects for a more progressive though responsible way in a multifaceted aspect which brings forward positive change while being financially responsible, and still simply each individual being themselves and more comfortable in their own skin comparatively; whether identifying as a Republican or a Democrat, there are unifying factors despite.
Whomever might read this, I hope you have a good day.
Respectfully and Sincerely, Lady Dori Belle AKA Susan MeeLing AKA Reverend (Susan) MeeLing
...depending where you knew/know me...if I truly ever knew you well that is up to you as to whether or not you were ever truthful with me...
www. fetlife .com/users/484330/posts/7003725
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