Bonus Round Two Day of Thanks

I am thankful for a female I met named Noel who I had seen at a Temple of Flesh Exotic Easter 2011 event to which she had explained something to me later after the event, though such I will get to with more details thereof. Yesterday's posting regarding the event of Exotic Easter was far more detailed than in multiple ways explained for such a time, as there was a lot going on which no one had explained to me though I was told later when speaking with Noel at the event as well as once in Austin Texas about such times. I am thankful and appreciate that in multiple ways, which will be gotten to shortly-ish as per how I write.

In 2001 I had met a female named Lisa who was married to Terry which I had gotten the ability to be a waitress at Chilis in the To Go section while being pregnant with my son #Letter4James and before I was pregnant with my daughter #Letters4Lidia, which there was a postcard flyer being passed around which Lisa was looking to attend and several of the males had discussed wanting me to attend because of being pregnant which I refused because of the safety to my unborn child knowing of what the situation was regarding the swinger aspect while telling them I was not of legal age to attend such an event. The male with a shorter version of a mushroom style haircut almost dark brown colored hair, dark brown eyes, tanner skin complexion, and almost my height though a little taller who had gotten the replacement Methuselah as the first Methuselah Ghost Corn Snake I had was released from its cage and my now dead-ex-husband thought it could be replaced and I told him my pet could not ever be replaced; though it was his idea to try to replace who his sister had released because of the fact of being told she did not think a female should ever own a pet snake, which I told her it was not her choice as it was my choice as to what I chose to want and/or desired to own whether or not she liked such. When I was upset about seeing my pet snake's empty cage to the point of tears, the only thing which was able to be thought of by my now dead-ex-husband was to try to replace it which I told him I did not want to; which when getting me the second one, that male at the Chilis had taken it because I could not bond with the second one despite my attempts as it simply did not want to be with me even though I cared just as much for it. I hoped it would have a better upbringing because of the pet store refusing to take it back even though I had made my opinion known before it was purchased, which then while the now dead-ex-husband had made the pets make noises which I thought were cute noises as it was a sound I had not heard from any species before it seemed odd how much fun he had causing the little animals so much stress needlessly; yet not knowing yet of the stress caused by which until speaking with the pet store owner, asking what was the cause for the noise while telling him about the after effects from my Psalm Sunday 2000 head injury at the time. I was convinced to get the turtles for the replacement which I liked the different babies and remembered how there once was a fish tank when I was growing up until my biological parents had added convict fish into the mollies and when that occurred against my warning, the convict fish killed all of my mollies needlessly. I had worked much to get them to be able to breed with one another and had made the ability for the mollies to have little babies which was rare in captivity for such a breed at the time in the 1990s, including the tetra fish. At one point they were unlike now in the pricing in the 2020s, back in the 1990s a tera in New Jersey was over $7.00 for one and one Mollie cost over $15.00 before the taxes for fresh water fish. I was able to get the fish to multiply rapidly though later when at the pet store my biological mother thought the convict fish were cuter than the Mollies, and even though I told her not to as well as the pet store owner told her not to; the convict fish were bought by her, and the Mollies I had gotten to be able to grow were not longer. I told the store owner about the situation and he knew how I felt regarding such, which as dealing with my now dead-ex-husband then had talked with the male telling him about the turtles and how he was going to college at UTSA which was how the turtles were picked up.

I had talked about the T Gnome regarding the breast cancer research being worked on though was not a part of the lab, as I was not able to get into college after waking up from the coma as per the 2nd grade math and the cognitive disorders with the memory deficits during the arrangement and setting up of the tank in the apartment. As working at Chilis at the time and unable to remember what the turtles needed because of the immediate after effects and the subarachnoid hemorrhage still being fully there inside of my brain in the temporal lobe and not dissipating for another 3.5 years to start to not be as noticeable in the MRI and CAT scans, I told the store owner about the situation in more details before getting back to the apartment at Lincoln Green as the pet store was near the Blockbuster movie place with Peter Piper Pizza. One evening as a Temple of Flesh post card was passed around again and was told of such about the pregnancy preference once again, I refused the entirety of fully as it seemed there was a problem which I could not figure out at the time and I refused to put such at risk. The male was offended at such a time because he said he would really like to know a few things, which I told him to leave me and mine alone because he did not care about anyone except himself and when he would learn to finally care about others he would have to make up for every bit of damages he caused on his own. He laughed and said he knew more about life than I when pulling out a cellphone, which I looked towards him asking him what he knew about life and in regards to what he was holding what he knew about how life goes for such choices. He laughed pointing to the flyer in his hands saying he thought it would be better to have more fun that way, which I fully disagreed and he thought I was flirting which I told him I was not interested in him in such ways because of the portions of his lack of respect. Respect and understanding in the fullest of truth was the only aspect I was interested in regarding what he was showing me and when he put the card back into my hands to look at, he said he thought I should take it to my now dead-ex-husband to show him and maybe he could convince me to think about it. I returned to work the next day covered from the conversation I dealt with because of bringing the card to the apartment, putting the card back into his hands and informed him that under no uncertain circumstances would I attend such and what I dealt with simply for taking the card into the apartment was not worth what occurred to me to ever happen to anyone ever.

The male asked me what I meant and I informed him if I ever find out that what happened to me ever happens to another just for whatever that card was, I would bring the flames of hell to his doorstep to reckon with him and those such as because of my refusal to accept that problems associated with such. He laughed not seeing the amount of makeup I had to wear that week while not seeing the walking situation which was not because of being pregnant as well as a trip to the emergency room for trying to get out of the way from what occurred, though being hit in my pregnant belly for the situation. I told my now dead-ex-husband to tell Terry about what Lisa was getting herself into as I was concerned for her safety, which he refused though later the same situation regarding him telling Terry about having caught Lisa with the manager John at the Chilis and her sitting on his lap when I walked in; which 3 days later he finally agreed, though it was at the point of Lisa getting her apartment with the manager John who claimed to have been a Navy SEAL though was a cook in the Navy in comparison which does not negate the point of being in the Navy though a Navy cook and a Navy SEAL are completely two different jobs and while I know certain jobs require the anonymous-ness for certain aspects the portion of telling of being a Navy SEAL is not usually the first thing discussed about at an interview even with a large number of college students as I was thinking for the portions regarding the job of employment though such was the times before 11 September 2001. I told Terry about what I knew for him to be able to have more information about such and the situation went as the situation went onward, though only having seen Terry since a few times as per the job he had and raising my son and my daughter as best as I could the last time I saw him in 2003 at my house in San Antonio. He was surprised as to my modesty in regards of several aspects despite being more open to discussing multiple topics, as seemingly he did not expect such for me. Years went by before going to a Temple of Flesh event while not remembering such because of not having a flyer though having known the individual John Virreal (?spelling?) AKA Celtic Cowboy who I met through the San Antonio Pagan Community when he was married to Kim and had known about the details of my Psalm Sunday 2000 head injury from that timing before going into the Army branch after the Excalibur Faire situation knowing of what occurred to me at the time referencing the entire situation for the weekend I was there and uncertain if he was 1 of the 5 males who had surrounded me when they jumped out of the trees behind the two tents with unshealthed weapons in their hands and if correct the one who refused to back down until the others had gotten him out of the way though had been the one who contacted the fake Sheriff with the real shackles and the real prison cage with the false accusations against me wrongly. I was uncertain of such fully, though it was not the same because of the makeup worn and inability to tell at the time of who was who because of the tattered darker brown shorts almost knee length with w beige-ish colored looser shirt with face paint and makeup in reds and blues. I disarmed them and/or they threw their weapons on the ground to retreat as soon as they realized I was not playing around which then they ran to the fake Sheriff to tell on me for defending myself while making false accusations after being told to just be myself, and the other overdramatic situations from such a time.

In 2008 or 2009 I had spoken with John at the first FVD in the Dallas/Fort Worth area as he learned I was out there after the initial aspects of the after portions from the death of my now dead-ex-husband, which he told me about the Temple of Flesh event which worked along side with the FVD group and helped to get the group started and on its feet. A brunette female a bit looking like PFC Choleva had been with Lilith at the BBQ place one afternoon when I asked about what the event was when seeing the postcard which looked different from the first Temple of Flesh card, which she said she could not directly be involved with the group though could help manage the finances for Lilith to help her with what she wanted to achieve and what she wanted to accomplish which seemed a bit weird to me as Lilith seemed quite intelligent on her own and did not seem to need that sort of help in that way as I felt. It worried me that she was involved and as Lilith went along talking with people the female had made a few comments about how she was easy to get along with, which I did not know the specifics though it seemed odd for such a tone of voice and I stood back watching how each looked towards one another as such times went onward as though some were in the know whereas some were partially in the know and others were completely oblivious which seemed off-putting and odd as I could just see the fluttering along. Later I admit when getting into the Dominant Mentor Program initially requesting in the Dallas area, it had been because of learning Lilith would be a part of the program and I felt a need to push forward in such a way as it seemed important; though the timing was off and I was able to get involved later when I was in the Austin area because of what was occurring at the time, though such was later in 2010.

As the information later made sense of being informed as to the larger events funding the smaller events for the local area scenes of the lifestyle regarding Discordia AKA Erica, there was an unsettling feeling from such comments in 2011 at the Halloween event.

Nonetheless the portion regarding the Temple of Flesh event which I first attended was because John Virreal AKA Celtic Cowboy had told me he thought the night would be fun for me to be able to look around, and see what was available if I found that I wanted anything. I wore a version of a Marine Corps dress blues with black thigh high boots and stiletto heels, and arrived to the Uniform Fetish Ball the second to the last year it was open and it was at the Blue Ballroom location. I had gone to a few events to which there were a couple of times which I had to defend myself as well as a few of the females who were in the areas as some of the males needed to learn how to keep their hands to themselves, though admittedly also not knowing of being in the BDSM compared to the swinger aspects of the lifestyles; it still seemed important for the males to keep their hands to themselves in comparison to what I was seeing, and though a few males claimed they would tell on me for defending the females in the club the lack of concern I had for their feelings was exactly as such. Those events at the time were mainly in the 2005 timeframe, though had been several other times which I informed some of the males to keep their hands to themselves whether in regards of trying to touch another female and/or trying to touch me which that had sent a few males minds flying with the disbelief of my opinion of such regarding them being more respectful to the females in the club. A few I had reminded they once came from a female and though they might not like their Mother they would respect the fact they would not be alive if their Mother had not allowed them to remain alive by not making them an abortion choice or a stain on their mattress which for some males I had told might have been a better option from what I saw of them and they better make better choices, which some told me they were going to tell on me for being so blunt and to the point with the truth. I laughed at them telling them the truth which they had just acknowledged was what they were mad at and getting over the fact the truth matters and is more important, was something they and such alike would need to work on for the truth was and is the only way. A few calmed themselves down quickly asking me what I meant and when informing them of females having the right to choose whether or not they wanted to be touched, they actually asked me questions asking why as they thought that all females were the same; which from just one meeting with me, they learned that not all females were going to be as accepting of such types of attention whereas others went and complained about being told the truth. I had not changed my hairstyle at the time and had gone by my first and my middle name Susan MeeLing at such times, as it was also before as well as during and after the time of the Excalibur Faire situation; which Dawn had been a part of as well as when such times of Ayaz knowing Dawn, as well as the situation as informed of. Chrysta had taken my side several times which some of the males I had stood against had informed me they had not liked that Chrysta was on my side which I warned them to back off and leave her alone as she did not need any of their opinions getting in her way or she would take actions they did not like, which they laughed and called her weak as I simply informed them to remain in their lanes or they would wiash they had not met anyone such as myself or such as her. The males in certain situations had claimed they could talk some sense into Steve which I told them he needed to be left alone to his business and to make sure not to mess with Chrysta, which those times were before my hairstyle change as well as after; though I did not think Chysta or Steve remembered my original hairstyle from before learning how heavy my hair is, and the color change is a major difference.

When attending the larger event of Temple of Flesh regarding the first time I went to a Uniform Fetish Ball either in 2007 or 2008 or 2009 the last year before my Star Spangled Banner Performance at the event as the opener for the others to go on, which I will get into in a brief amount of time regarding the writing. When attending the Uniform Fetish Ball there were several people dressed in non-though-like military attire such as my outfit of the Dress Blues version of the Marine Corps Dress Blues though not the exact uniform obviously; however there were those who were in actual military uniforms with the proper pleats and starched lines in BDUs, Class As, and Class Bs for the Army branch as well as the Sir Force branches of the United States of America's Armed Forces which instantly infuriated me knowing they should not be in their uniforms at such an event because of their name tags as well as their ranks being in view as I knew the terminology honey pot which I could see certain situations regarding what I had seen in my childhood and teenager years though in a much different way which needed to be taken care of. There was a young male around 21 years old running around in a full bird uniform with the proper locations for each aspect and had the ranking of such as well which when I saw the pattern I could not help myself but to turn around and light into him knowing it was not his uniform as per the energetic aspects especially, and demanded he change his clothing to not disrespect his Grandfather's work and those who had worked in such fields for wearing that uniform without earning such a rank. He tried to move though I continued onward seeing his legs lock into place as I went on about such details as to the purposes behind such a uniform, as well as the amount of people who diligently worked for such aspects for the betterment. Wile he tried to say it was his right to express himself, I informed him he had not such rights to take away and steal what was not his to ever have unless he himself actually earned such. When he tried to say he thought of it as a costume, I informed him there was nothing about a costume in reference to such and the outfit of which the uniform worn was a symbol to be respected in comparison to simply in which he would not have such ability to attend such an event without such males and females who have earned such ranks and earned such ability to legally wear such a uniform unlike the garbage he was crapping out of his mouth; which after awhile he cried saying I sounded like his Grandpa and his uncle, which I told him if he wanted to impress them then he should earn such on his own and achieve more in better ways in comparison to crying and snivelling like a whiny titty baby.

I turned around to see a few people watching and listening before a few clapped when I walked away, storming off as infuriated as I was. One male came outside to speak with me in the smoking section and asked where I learned how to do what I did, which I simply told him my opinion as to such aspects which he was surprised especially when informing him of being medically retired from the Army and the fact I made the choice to refuse to steal from those who earned such a rank and title meant the other portions to which his excuses were had been considered as null and void. The male asked why I felt the Constitution did not apply to him wearing the uniform which I said simply once again as at the time I thought I had said such though maybe was unheard at the time, as to the fact those who donned such a uniform honorably to serve were the ones who earned such a Freedom of Expression with their uniform while all others who had not done so did not have the right as the expression or speech, was only brought forward and has only been protected by those who earned the right to don such a uniform. If they choose to dictate that such aspects is not acceptable because of that reality, they have my full support to ensure the ability to maintain and sustain earned valor remains as what it is as earned valor.

Later afterwards to being there for awhile, John had arrived to the location saying he was running late seeing someone on the way. I told him of what occurred which he laughed at before telling me he thought of joining the Army to go in as an officer because he noticed certain things which he was nervous about in Temple of Flesh as well as the San Antonio Pagan community, which I asked what he was nervous about and he said he saw some problems with the Renaissance Faire community which he thought some needed to be made more aware of. I asked what in reference to, though he did not answer me for such. He said he wanted to introduce me to a few of the females he knew who were the Go-Go dancers before walking with me around some of the areas before I went off looking at my own thing instead of staying to listen to him speak with another person, as it seemed more interesting than what was being discussed at the time. The show was called Springtime for Hitler or that was a song that was sung by some of the people at the event which later I learned of there being problems for the Temple of Flesh YouTube page for having the videos from the entire show on the website, which most were complaining about the male wearing the hood and revealing himself as an African American though it seemed there was a larger aspect regarding the song itself as that was the opening portion for that particular scene in the event that year in comparison to the only portion thereof for that video I guessed as I remembered the event itself having been there that year. During the time before the show as well as during the intermission points of the show at that year's event, I was dancing with the Go-Go girls though would not get into the cage except to try seeing once before not needing to be in the area after that because of a weird set of feelings which came through touching the metal. I danced as I danced and went to the smoking section as I had, which was where I met a transitioning female who taught me how to walk in the heeled boots as I could dance though I could not walk very well which was odd to her though it seemed though it was normal for myself. The situations were seemingly different as instead of as in 2005 of having to stop people from touching others non-consensually as much, the difference in my hairstyle I wondered if such was something I was not knowing or understanding of what such had been seen as to others at such times.

When the portions regarding the time when the male who looks similar to the male who was the character the Toy Store Master from the 2011 Exotic Easter Ball event was on the stage, the discussions between a female as well as a male who each had their own microphone stands were discussing various portions as to what they had been voted for in regards of that particular situation which I cannot remember what was. After they had left the stage the male had said there was a female dancer who caught the attention of multiple people which the SCUBA Diving Chili Cookoff situation is a similar aspect thereof to this in regards of the male on stage saying there was a red haired woman with a short styled uniform on which more wanted to see of, and when looking around to see who the male was speaking of to see who he was referring to as it was a Uniform Fetish Ball and the Go-Go Girls looked at me wondering as I thought as well looking around for the female the male was referring to; all of a sudden two large males walked up beside me to pick me up by my arms with one on each side lifting me off of the ground as I tried to run though could not because of being off of the ground, and while they grabbed my arms to carry me up the stairs to put me on the stage; I did not know what to do or what was going on as the lights were blindingly bright and caused my headache to go straight into a migraine while feeling the burning of my flesh as the what words I now have of the electricity zapping throughout the entirety of me though, not as bad as when in Washington state if that helps. I heard a lot of screaming and yelling which did not help the situation as the lights moved around randomly as I felt the two males walk away from the stage as the other male stepped forward and asked me a few questions, though I had difficulties speaking because of the microphone being closer to my face and the metal causing a large amount of pain to me in several ways. When he asked me as the discussion went on about what my fetish was, I said I did not know what a fetish was and asked for an explanation which everyone laughed at before the ending of the time on the stage that evening. I had to be helped off of the stage after the curtain closed as I did not know what was going on at the time and was extremely frightened which later I learned what the word meant and tried to simply figure a small way to think of one attempt to give an answer to correct the situation as per knowing I had embarrassed a few beyond just myself; which I told the male when I found him, and he smiled saying that was alright as I did not have to worry about the situation on the stage as I apologized.

Before the apology of not being able to speak and explaining why to the male I went outside to the smoking section as quickly as I could without speaking with any of the females because of the frightening situation, which when outside was when Celtic Cowboy AKA John Virreal (?spelling?) had run up to me with excitement and bounding around asking how funny I thought his practical joke was. He explained he knew I would not go onto the stage without being taken onto the stage because of knowing about the after effects of my head injury and knowing I am shy which he thought it was funny to make the males carrying me up the stairs while seeing my feet running, as he knew I would not figure out that I needed to get on the stage because of what others saw in me while I was being myself. I was told as to how he thought it was hilarious as to how scared I looked and how it was a good way to have some fun at the event, and asked me why I looked angry as he continued finishing his explanation in comparison to laughing with him at the practical joke and punking he had done. I told him how much it hurt being on stage as he knew about the pain I dealt with which he thought was not as bad as it was regarding the levels of which afterwards to such a time was when the larger aspects of my problems with technology kicked into high gear, as he laughed while bringing up the known aspects of the laptop and the healing energy I had done which caused a fire while sending healing energy to those who needed it for the healing to occur online as well as I could feel the situations occurring which needed assistance to find. I suppose I can make my own semi-joke about the books I authored in such aspects and ways, as well as my website possibly though at the same time not a joke and yet still the truth and the reality. When I asked questions as to why that was done I was laughed at and was told that he knew the owner and would be able to get him to see his side and his view before he would ever believe me, about what occurred because of knowing him and Chrysta better than I was able to. He told me he thought it was a funny thing to do and he was upset his girlfriend had missed the situation which was when he looked over to see a female bouncing up the stairs in blond pigtails with a short plaid school pleated skirt with thigh high stockings and a black bra with a white short shirt tied off, introducing her as Sarah to then talk about what they had wanted to do at the event together while walking away at the time as I stood there. In silence thinking to myself what I could have done wrong as to ever deserve such as I had done nothing to warrant such a situation to myself, as I only wanted to have a calm night out while dancing to music I enjoyed and wearing clothes I wanted to wear in my own way.

As the night went onward I remembered having gone to one of the booths prior to the stage situation which a male dressed as Sailor Moon had a violet wand and as I was nervous and concerned about what the electricity would do, he told me he would go on the lowest setting to make sure as to keep me safe in comparison to going into a higher blast for such. He told me he would do one swipe before asking me what I felt before continuing onward which with that one swipe and the pain levels which jolted through my physical body from my hand all the way up my arm to the back of my shoulder to my brain and my eyes to flow onward as per the e cigarette situation in a lower voltage and lower amperage comparatively, it took awhile before I could scream the word Red to stop though had to be informed that he stopped more than 5-15 minutes prior and was wondering whether to continue or not until I screamed such. I went outside to deal with what I had not known of going on which later after forgetting about the situation, I found a room area which a male had a computer with a desk arranged and a medical exam bed which he was working with a type of headset gear which I told him looked like the virtual reality gear I had seen when I was a child at a Liberty Science Center exhibit when I was growing up in New Jersey which he and I discussed for awhile before I had the SCUBA mask looking item with the headphones which the situation did not work out and I had to stop the situation immediately as it was too painful for me. By the time of the being pulled onto the stage situation occurred and the afterwards aspects of being infuriated after such information I had hoped a bunch prior to leaving the area, as I could not tolerate being around such situations regarding certain individuals in the building.

In the following year of being the opening performance for the Uniform Fetish Ball in 2009 which I performed a version of a stripping dance though was simply revealing different layers as an onion would regarding the big band swing version of music to The Star Spangled Banner which I fetlife messaged Steve and Chrysta about and was able to perform the dance, though no one told me of where to arrange anything nor told me where to get anything set up for myself when arriving which the same in reference to anything except the performance itself for the time in comparison to anything else before or thereafter. When I was done and the male who had been the individual from the first time when I was pulled onto the stage for the Uniform Fetish Ball had gotten on the stage, I went to leave to get off of the stage when he stopped me to speak with the crowd briefly though I had nothing to say as I thought I had said everything within the performance; as well as the aspects regarding the electrical portions being a situation at the time, though nothing more was said to me about such with the exception of the one female who I had spoken with before when she was in the green room prior to the beginning of the event who was a part of the show later as an MC if I recall correctly. The following performance to me was the group the Gloryhole Girls who did a dance with law enforcement style uniforms and then a few other speeches and performances, as the night went onward.

My headaches started getting to be too much and since there was nothing more for me to do as I could not handle much more at the time, it was time to leave and go back to the hotel at the time regarding where Phillip Omstead and I had stayed for a weekend to be able to be a part of the event as my son #Letters4James and my daughter #Letters4Lidia were taken care of elsewhere as per being responsible to get them properly taken care of before taking the time to being able to go out for the night. I was not informed of payment nor of an after party nor of any speaking needed nor of any photography for any portion until afterwards when pulling security to assist in 2012, at the Exotic Easter which I was originally supposed to be a Dungeon Master though that situation to which then went onward to the Security and a few situations thereof taken care of. Then was when I was told of the situations which the other security guards were surprised to learn of the involvement regarding Celtic Cowboy AKA John Virreal regarding the pulling onto the stage situation, the first events regarding the defending of females against the assaults needlessly occurring because of overly handsy individuals before my hairstyle changes, any speech or discussion requirements, any payments that were supposed to go to me, and the after party situations as it was known I had to arrange care at the time for my responsibilities for myself and my children; as none of the security guards at the time had been made aware of anything except the after effects of my Psalm Sunday 2000 head injury, as well as what they saw online wherever they had gone to see such of my postings up to then in 2012.

Not realizing until later in reference to the FVD in the Fort Worth/Dallas area as well as the other Gloryhole Girls shows regarding the situations connected to the Temple of Flesh which started in San Antonio Texas, other aligning situations were clicking oddly into place in weird situations as I noticed though with other portions occurring in my personal life the combined aspects were much to explain and few were paying attention and/or seeing the ways which I was seeing from the specific connection points at such times. To some it seemed as random dribble and overdramatic aspects while the after effects of my Psalm Sunday 2000 head injury were mainly brought into the discussion as to why many were not paying attention to the details I had pointed out in person when speaking with multiple people over the years from telling them what I remembered from the time in 2005 to the then times within 2009 through 2012 in person, though hopefully as many who could stay safe were able to stay safe later on when having to get to the point of writing and compiling such books and the preparations thereof because of knowing far more was able to be written than I had the time to explain at those points to hopefully assist in larger ways much more clearly with the least amount of problems thereafter to clarify more and be able to ease the strains and strife more correctly as safely for the betterment.

In 2011 after the second time for the engagement being called off shortly after the New Years Eve situation as well as the later discussions about the Dominant Mentor Program already having begun the boot camp for during the time of, the individual who was able to assist with the male submissive portion required for the aspects of which for me to learn the Dominant Mentor aspects was available rapidly as per the ending of such an engagement at such times. As I already knew of that particular individual type regarding such aspects of which the good clothes had been more important than who truthfully filled such good clothing comparatively as per prior situations as explained, when the timing arrived for the aspects regarding the requirement for the submissive for such aspects had been when the situations went as they had for such times. I had asked if I could be in the upcoming portions for the next show as the poster girl for the event to be able to hopefully get the ability to bring more awareness for what was actually important regarding the Exotic Easter event, which the situation was agreed to with the exception of later which the pictures taken of me were altered and the removal of my tattoos from my pictures was on the poster instead of the pictures taken of me; which my tattoos are me, my tattoos are only my tattoos, and because of the books being released as they had my tattoos remain as my tattoos especially as how situations have gone as they have which no one has any rights to me or my tattoos without my permission ever.

My tattoos are my gear fully, and only in such a combination are they able to be as such as the slightest change to one aspect will cause what it will cause and thus it is better if I am in a good mood compared to a bad mood. Just because I wrote about such does not mean that is a free for all nor does it mean anyone has ever had the right to change or alter such ever, and the choice to do so regarding my pictures for the time meant the signal was sent in reference to Irving portions much later referencing the response to such a choice made wrongly and the information to which such needed the clarifications in full.

Just as I have and I always have had as I always will have the right to choose who touches my body, I have the right to choose who sees my tattoos if at all in person or at all in a generalized way.

No one has any right to alter any design or intention of my tattoos in any way and as such is not accepted as well is fully a reason as to why with each tattoo of mine is only mine to use as only I choose.

My gear always which is my tattoos as well as my SCUBA Diving gear though a different one in the same, my choice(s) as I see fit, my rights I earned for myself as others have learned as well as for theirs within reason, on my own by my own accord of the best ways to possibly find for eternity.

Nonetheless the portions regarding the time leading up to the pictures was when Celtic Cowboy AKA John Virreal had decided he knew more about the situation regarding what was going on and decided to get involved after I had contacted him earlier about the situations in reference to the Fort Hood Shooting to check to see if he and the others were as safe as possible, and my recommendations regarding that particular individual who had been a part of such location for such medical treatments. The situation of what once seemed a bit antagonistic before became a bit different regarding such a phone call as he said no one else he knew had contacted him at the time which he did not believe I had known how that had felt even though he knew nothing about my background or upbringing at the time, though such was as it was; as he had not been informed of my biological mother, biological father, and biological sister's treatments towards me as when I was young and he had not known of them lying wrongly to people claiming my biological sister was their only child which I suppose in some ways was actually the truth as to how I had been treated my whole life at such times and how she was raised in comparison to what I dealt with and how I was raised. Those types of people who prefer the prettiness in comparison at such times I suppose in several aspects can be related to preferring the good clothing, compared to who is actually good to fill the good clothing type of reference though also in some ways make a joke-ish about my gear.

When at an event in Austin shortly after being a part of the Temple of Flesh Exotic Easter 2011 dress rehearsals began I was told about the name aspects being brought up at a club in Killeen Texas which at the time of it had not been a thought process about the fact of the poster aspect, as not having such in my thoughts at the time with what was going on at the location which when it was brought up to me about such the call was made regarding asking why the specific name was being used though the discussion did not go in the direction of the event as it went in the direction of the ability to score aspects in comparison because of the female bringing up her connections to because of who she was dating at the time and how she knew him as that female particularly as time would show enjoyed messing with his emotions compared to actually being in a relationship with him and the group of the family house. I had heard such through rumors and was vetting the information well before that particular aspect as she reminded me of certain actions I noticed at Chilis from Lisa just before she had cheated on Terry and left him with several needless bills as well as emotional aspects which were purposeful on her part in both the reference to Lisa to Terry because of the schooling aspects as she claimed, and from Trish to Cross because of her own issues regarding what he would know more specifically of regarding the military portions and the family connection aspects of preferring to be in the spotlight with nothing worthwhile in truth compared to being in the spotlight with the worthwhile aspects of truth. While there were other attributes which I noticed from Lisa as well as Trish regarding the way they treated others similarly to my biological sister Patricia Ann (Hom)(-Miller) had treated others, I could see certain patterns which ran along the same pattern lines.

When in reference to the dress rehearsals about the Pervs in Toyland theme, the laughable potion of the ballerina being revealed as the most wanted and desired one of the group had caused me to chuckle telling Steve about my biological sister and how she had been at one point in time a Prima ballerina as she said in the Nutcracker Suite; as well as telling him about how she had been the favorite despite how she had been which was amusing regarding the characters the bitch and the douche, in a combination. I told him I found it ironic as to the Jack in the Box wind up female regarding certain clown aspects while finding it just as ironic about the Barbie in reference to some other portions, in combination with the Russian soldiers in such regards before the Revolution and the successful win for when I lead everyone of the groups against the bitch and the douche; when the moral of the story would be told by the Toy Store Master and I. During the dress rehearsals the different individuals and I spoke with one another and prepared which some were more upset with the choices made by Steve than others, which the discussions regarding such discussions of which some were more upset had made their opinions known in regards of who was in which role of the show regarding the feelings of each and/or the feelings of others' views of such aspects. I told Celtic Cowboy of the photoshoot for the poster appointment without discussing the portions of the play and he demanded to know when the appointment was because he claimed he knew how Steve was going to be about the photoshoot, saying he knew that Steve would push himself onto the models for the pictures and if they had resisted they did not have the ability to work again afterwards and were moved elsewhere to not make any problems for him and Chrysta. I suppose if such is true and the inability for such to have been tried at such times was a good thing to which I would have defended myself, though appreciative if such were to be as I did not need such problems with everything else I was dealing with at the times of in 2011 as I was hoping much better for such as well as hoping for better from such.

I had already told Steve about several people telling me about the different files being taken out from Temple of Flesh as well as Steve's work information in his office before the time in 2011 back in 2009 as well as 2010 as per already having been in the scene longer than the time in San Antonio, though he did not remember my hairstyle from back then as in comparison the hair color as well as the hairstyle is quite different than what it once was in 2004 as well as in 2005 which was when I changed it was in 2005 after moving back to my house in San Antonio around in 2005 to go into 2006; though did not remember me from such times or any of the situations I had told him of regarding such females having discussed such back then, and possibly my hairstyle and hair color differences had something to do with such. Thus by the time of 2011 at the times of the dress rehearsals had been over 5 years of him being informed as to the leaks coming from his paperwork as well as his office at such times, though at such points in time I was ignored as to the truth. When John arrived at the house that afternoon I was changing clothes in the bathroom when he showed up and whatever was discussed was discussed, unbeknownst to me until I got down the stairs into the living room. I heard the males discussing something when I was upstairs getting ready for the next outfit for the pictures, which the photography went quickly for that outfit before I changed into my regular clothing to be able to go back to my rental house at the time in Cedar Park Texas; which if was accurate and correct, I do appreciate the saving grace from such as I could not handle much more at those times as it was all too much for me or any one individual person to handle at such times or at all in general.

When the event occurred regarding the Exotic Easter Temple of Flesh event in 2011 while Patrick Kennedy had gone to the hotel room to get the mask he later would be upset for not listening to my warnings, there is not a way for me to count how many times I had to defend myself and/or deal with additional needless problems during such times. The amount of males who I had to get to back off from touching me randomly was ridiculous and infuriating, which then I was called random names and told to my face what their opinions were of me. When other females randomly grabbed at me or grabbed me the same sorts of situations regarding such, ironically as Patrick Kennedy would know referencing just wearing the mask for a few minutes. That was the entire amount of time I had been left by myself for quite a bit of different situations during the time for the Uniform Fetish Ball in 2010 as well as the Exotic Easter in 2012, while not having nearly any problems at the FVD in 2011 with the exception of the complaint about the song choice for the belly dancing intermission between myself dancing to Dusty Dawn's dance in one song to myself dancing a second round after running across the building to the other side to change to run back across the building to be at the stage for the second performance in time. In each aspect there was not one time which anyone told me of what their opinions were of anything I had created myself for the performances in person and though some of the pictures online were commented upon, the portions to which when at the events themselves was not where anyone said anything regarding such and similarly if there was supposed to be a payment that was not what occurred regarding to me as I was the one who had contacted regarding such and the return responses were to me directly from who I specifically contacted at such times unless the few who asked about me modeling and though a few availabilities there was not any consistency nor any paychecks at such times to me for the modeling I had done.

Believe it or not, I did not get any contracts for such and the payments thereof were not there as well as I provided my own outfits for over the majority of 98% of my outfits and my makeup creations for such pictures of when I was modeling.

When in reference to the point in time of after the moral of the story portion of the event for Exotic Easter in 2011 I saw a female named Noel who I had met at several events in the Austin and San Marcos Texas areas, which she said she had gotten the flyer though had not known it was me on the poster for the event as she was actually kind of surprised in a good way. I asked what she meant as far as being surprised in a good way as I was confused as to what she was referring to, which she had said there were rumors about what happened to females who had been on the poster for any Temple of Flesh event which the rumors were something along the lines of what was said regarding when first pulled onto the stage as well as something else though admittedly I cannot recall or remember the portions thereof. I remember she said it was a bit nerve-wrecking to realize it was me on the poster which in other ways made her nervous as she said regarding how I looked as she did not recognize me at all, which she said in some ways might be a good or a great thing for some of what has been rumored about the Temple of Flesh events and some who had problems with different situations because of some of what was rumored as to going on underground and unknown to more. I could not see what she was referring to nor know of what her reference was to though the portions of which scared me was knowing such was a problem and not knowing what the problem was, while also seeing there was a problem and knowing I could feel the problem from before that event regarding something feeling off which I thought was because of the fact of walking around by myself in such a location at such a time while so many were needlessly grabbing at me and wrongfully touching me without my permission which angered me greatly as the energetic portions are as they are for me.

As I said and wrote regarding the security aspects and the pictures wanted during such times in 2011 Exotic Easter event regarding Patrick and later events regarding other portions in Dallas/Fort Worth, I felt certain portions which were something needing to be paid attention to in the correct ways though none actually saying what the situations were officially at such times or even eluding to the fuller problems to which I could know of to work on to understand. I did not realize anyone would take such to a level needlessly regarding such as the situations involved as to how I wound up in Washington state after what had already been going on an occurred was too much for me in full after everything I had already gone through, and the additional portions since then has not been helpful as per the way I am about my personal space when I am outside because of the energetic portions which that includes my own privacy requirements and needs for my own ability to feel comfortable and/or calm down from such situations.

However I also need the truth in comparison to hinting or the situations which lies have been told to me in whichever ways thereof, as especially since so many have had the availability to actually acknowledge in truth about having read my books and/or seen my website; how many people who have been into technology have been known to be shy, to begin with? Has anyone ever discuss being timid in various situations, or being off put by certain aspects because of how some have been towards such and the need and requirement for certain aspects to feel comfortable? Thus possibly grabbing onto my clothing and/or touching me without my permission and/or vehicle might infuriate me and/or anyone else might make sense, especially after how much I have already dealt with or is that too much to ask for? I have already dealt with fe/males who have opened their mouths to speak words while walking in passing thinking they were slick in such comments while walking by as though it was not known of their references to which the annoyances of not being willing to tolerate such sorts of aspects either, especially when taking into consideration the times regarding the CFBISD school district situations which where is the actual compassion for such additional aspects regarding the simple aspects of being truthful in comparison to what had and has occurred?

What would be the worst thing compared to what I had dealt with in reference to if someone wanted to be worse than my now dead-ex-husband was supposed to be interpreted as what would be worse to him as to what he failed to ever accomplish, as per the ways of what I had dealt with from and because of such. It was not a challenge to be worse in the ways of what I had already dealt with and was dealing with after his death and because of his death, it was a challenge if viewed as such to actually be his worst nightmare which would actually be doing the opposite of what he had done regarding the better treatments. Why would there be the thought to go in any other direction than as such when taking all of that into consideration which had already been dealt with and gone through, up to the points referencing the official publishing of my books FSL? Thus showing up out of nowhere to then comment later would be along such lines compared to simply telling me the truth in person, without any pretenses. Speaking with me with words and positively good actions instead of speaking at me whether in regards to a discussion or when walking by within earshot, would be along such lines similarly to the aspects of as to one way or another.

Genuinely caring about my son #Letters4James, my daughter #Letters4Lidia, and I would be along such lines which was as it was back before 2008 and would be the portions to which from such times in those days would be different to after the time of 2008; which in turn then when taking other portions into consideration the other aspects of which the way as a Mom as well as the other portion regarding the legal aspects only as the combined portions were not of any interest to, would then be what would be considered as such as per because of. Credit earned as to the beneficial assistance as to what was worked on and what help there had actually been in comparison to what occurred during such times as well as the recognition as to my earned school aspects, compared to being told of the differences between in those times prior to 2008 of reading in comparison to degrees and/or certifications regarding my personal aspects thereof afterwards which I was preparing for in other ways though was ignored and looked at as mediocre compared to the college degree as the perception at such times. The situation regarding my SCUBA Diving is exactly how he would have gone about taking such away from me wrongly in comparison to giving me the credit I earned at such times without any hesitations, as well as while genuinely asking questions in comparison to having to write such up later as well as the information regarding my books is another aspect to which when taking into consideration my work regarding the breast cancer research in regards of the UTSCHSA lab for what I had made including the portions specifically to the medium liquid used.

Being needed and wanted in ways which were consensual was also a situation which I explained as I could in such times when in person with people, though only a few knew from the discussions as to such aspects as to what was fully meant compared to what I was told of such aspects at such times which in turn the aspects as to how my biological sister and my biological mother and my biological father's treatment towards me is in the same sorts of lines as to how at such times when my now dead-ex-husband had wanted wrongly to use my son and my daughter using his opinions and biases against me as per a punishment for simply being truthful to what was actually needed in comparison to what was correct as such has been proven since as per such aspects. What has such mattered to such? Only, the world.

What is it to genuinely be cared about and appreciated in truth with such respects of the goodness I have accomplished, if any at all?

I have not received any answers to such that I would understand from the knowledge of, thus far.

However I am thankful Noel showed others about the posting of the messages being known to others back in 2011 regarding on the fetlife website at such times as I already knew of such abilities, which then in turn such a purging of email data among the yahoo or the ymail and the gmail over the years has brought forward to the surface as to quite a few portions I would guesstimate if some looked towards such for any answers regarding others' involvements regarding a multitude of situations as a different version thereof though I think facebook had done so as well as a few others. Is it a selfish thing to have hoped for such regarding the school district and the McCoy Elementary School in Carrollton Texas and all such associations thereof to such email accounts to have been released as well, or is that a bit much after learning about such aspects more recently?

As the class with Lilith had gone on when moving back to the Dallas/Fort Worth area of Texas after Cedar Park and beginning the Dominant Mentor Program in Austin, I was ecstatic to learn and be able to take as many notes as I was within her class though the portions regarding the push forwards and set backs through different levels had been what was the most difficult part for me, as having the ability to genuinely see how many were at the various places in their lives and how many of such were further ahead than I had caused quite a bit of a large thought process reviewal to when turning around knowing the level I should have been was in the next part of the room one over for such; I was face to face with the wall of blue which at that point, I simply wondered if there was ever going to be anything worthwhile I could ever accomplish or achieve seeing so many ahead in multiple ways while seeing how little room to grow that I had to work with to be able to push forward. I took notes in her class by hand to which the way I take notes is extremely detailed and since I can write fast the best way to give an example is through how quickly I can type, which in turn I can usually write by hand a bit faster than when typing though the portions of which are not as inhibited by the electrical aspects from the computer in comparison to simply writing unless in a highly charged zone such as Washington state in the Seattle-Tacoma area compared to Texas and below the Mason-Dixon Line. I encouraged people to go to her lectures and enroll in her classes as the information during my Dominant Mentor Program was just the surface as to what she could assist with as I thought, though some in other areas of Texas did not agree with me regarding the Dominant Mentor Program as well as the reasons why in a combined aspect as to my purpose for beginning such a course. At the time of being in Austin I thought that meant the ability to actually get to hear the lecture from Lilith when I was in the area which ironically worked out as far as the transfer when needing to get my daughter into a different hospital as per the flight required for my daughter to go from Austin Texas to Little Rock Arkansas as I was told via the Cedar Park location acute care hospital, from the portion regarding the timeframe of what was occurring regarding the after portions of the Fort Worth Zoo as much as I was doing the best I could to help as best as possible for my daughter. Of course by then my biological mother, biological father, and biological sister had not admitted to my actual involvement as being a Mom and my children's biological Mom; however, those people made the choices they had made regarding such times and they knew I was making the best way possible despite their insistent needless involvement or lack thereof at such times in the correct and proper way in my opinion though as my son had wanted to be closer to his friends and to do the best I could to find a balance between for them, I had chosen to move back to the DFW area with the ironic twist of being able to be within Lilith's class.

I had discussed several aspects with Master Walker who had wanted me to be an ambassador for the Dominant Mentor Program which I told him I was not able to at such a time because of needing to ensure what was required for the best overall safety for both of my children, and the situations regarding what was needed in the bigger aspects was needing specific attention to which similarly to what I had been told about Temple of Flesh later if was to tell someone to wait because of one's own personal needs despite being taught in the Dominant Mentor Program as to know one's own limitations made little sense as to how such would be a problem. Towards the end of the discussion I was told there was not anyone available for any of the Dominant Mentor Program teachers because of my choice though because I had enough hours from in Austin was the only reason he was going to allow me to graduate, which I appreciated the honesty though was upset by such a response. He told me he wanted me to meet with one of the teachers to speak with him about what happens when you step into a situation which the community turns its back on you and ask what he had to go through to ever be allowed back into the lifestyle, which infuriated me as to what the hinting was about though I went to which when speaking with the teacher he told me he did not want to speak about it as it was not worth it at the time and it was not going to be worth it in the long run because of the constant shame which occurred for someone else wrongly causing problems to simply target him needlessly because of the undue biases and the undue pressure. I appreciated the time with him as well as the explanations as it did not make sense to me how a community which would claim to be as open and honest as well as caring to only be concerned in certain ways at certain times while claiming to be open to each and every type of person of adult age, which because of the energetic portions as to what I had felt from that teacher though I cannot remember his name; had been the inspiration for the journal blog entry I wrote regarding the Dominant Mentor Program aspects of situations within the portions of, hoping if he had seen such he would be able to speak such truths about what occurred to clear the air in a way which he did not feel ashamed any longer. I do not know what occurred in reference to such regarding him as it seemed though it had been a long time since he was able to feel comfortable to even discuss the portions of such a time with me back in the end months of 2011, though it felt as though the corruption which bothered him so much needed to be made a clearing to push through to which since I saw where my path was already going simply from such a discussion as well as the extended portions of the situations overall for such a time for me in some ways the ironic portions to the aspects of the movie which was a scary movie to me because of the time was the Sucker Punch movie which Phillip Omstead thought would be hilarious to go see and was surprised as to why I was infuriated towards the end however such the twisted irony regarding that particular male for such a time in reference to the end portions at such a time as well as to how such looked at such characters at the movie which I did not need.

I preferred a different ending in comparison to the blond female, as the female Sweet Pea who got out and was able to move onward was who I hoped to be for that if it ever had to be in regards of for me personally to find a much better way for myself I hope(d) for my longer and longest terms possible for the best and greatest. Though the irony regarding how the storyline was and multiple portions thereof in reference to quite a few examples, as there is much which needs to be accomplished for the future in many larger ways.

A different irony I suppose regarding my book Fail-Safe when you think about certain aspects, and my concern for so many in quite a few additional ways regarding FSL books as well.